Roland closes his eyes. He finds the right way to speak, the right tone to answer with, not for the first time channeling the king of Evermore, and certainly this wouldn't be the last.
"It wasn't too long ago that someone came up to me to tell me that I had the power to make this - " Roland gestures to himself, his hand making a wave in the air. "- into more than just a head count job. I was told that if I just did my best and got help when I needed it, if I worked with my team - my friends - then we would find the way to victory." He doesn't glance back up at Tidus. He knows he's still there, even if it's uncertain, a lingering more than anything else.
"To this day, I still remember what you told me. Everything you've told me. You weren't wrong. I needed to hear that." Roland looks around the table. Touches the books he's left on the table. Skims through what he could read on the cover. "Tidus. I don't know what's really happened. I don't know why you're now convinced of something that isn't true, why you think I'm wasting my time."
He lowers his head, stares at the wood of the table. Imagining that if it was him on the other end of the line, he would have someone try to pull him back to the light.
"I'm sorry if I've made you feel like living up to a standard I've made for myself." The pro-athlete. The college star. The budding leader, nurtured in another life. Roland exhales heavily. "But maybe it's time I set the record straight. If I come up to you, sometimes it's not always to ask for help. It's because...I want to help you too, the way you've done for me. And the guy that I think you are?"
There is a pause as Roland stares into the nearby hearth, unused and dusty.
"I just think you're a guy who cares." And if he's wrong about that too? Then Roland will accept what Tidus is, whatever he decides.
no subject
Roland closes his eyes. He finds the right way to speak, the right tone to answer with, not for the first time channeling the king of Evermore, and certainly this wouldn't be the last.
"It wasn't too long ago that someone came up to me to tell me that I had the power to make this - " Roland gestures to himself, his hand making a wave in the air. "- into more than just a head count job. I was told that if I just did my best and got help when I needed it, if I worked with my team - my friends - then we would find the way to victory." He doesn't glance back up at Tidus. He knows he's still there, even if it's uncertain, a lingering more than anything else.
"To this day, I still remember what you told me. Everything you've told me. You weren't wrong. I needed to hear that." Roland looks around the table. Touches the books he's left on the table. Skims through what he could read on the cover. "Tidus. I don't know what's really happened. I don't know why you're now convinced of something that isn't true, why you think I'm wasting my time."
He lowers his head, stares at the wood of the table. Imagining that if it was him on the other end of the line, he would have someone try to pull him back to the light.
"I'm sorry if I've made you feel like living up to a standard I've made for myself." The pro-athlete. The college star. The budding leader, nurtured in another life. Roland exhales heavily. "But maybe it's time I set the record straight. If I come up to you, sometimes it's not always to ask for help. It's because...I want to help you too, the way you've done for me. And the guy that I think you are?"
There is a pause as Roland stares into the nearby hearth, unused and dusty.
"I just think you're a guy who cares." And if he's wrong about that too? Then Roland will accept what Tidus is, whatever he decides.