When Roland lets go, his hands dropping back down to his sides, he doesn't know exactly what to say. At the full assault of Inigo's deepest insecurities, Roland hears only one thing: fear. Inigo was retreating into the darkness, where it's comfortable, where it's easier. Where all he needs to do is accept what is thrown his way, take it for what it is and live life that way. Believe it. Become it.
He stares into his eyes, and Roland is displaced at what he finds. There's too much there. There is emptiness, there is pain. But more than that, loneliness. And even deeper still - longing. For what, he can only say. And this would not be the first time Roland catches wind of it in between the words they speak and what they actually mean. Presumptuous as it may be, he dives in deep into what he knows, into the past he keeps to himself. The little Roland that says the same things - I'm weak. I can't do a thing. What would his mother have told him, then? What would he have decided for himself when he was being faced with fight after fight of kids bigger, stronger than him? Inigo tried, but he didn't succeed. They were caught unaware. And now...
...Now Roland falls back on the only thing he truly desires to do.
If they start to sink, then he will pull them back up to air. He will make it right. He must. There is no other way but this. He promised.
Roland shakes his head, and the gentleness falls apart, cracks. It morphs into something else, something just as earnest but sterner, determined like only Roland can become.
"No." He says, his hands turning into an eager grip. There is a fire in him again, drawn to cast light against the darkness brewing so fervently in Inigo.
"I don't make promises just to take them lightly. I don't forget the things I vow. Not then, not now. So if you want to know how many times you can screw up before I ever think that about you?" He exhales heavily. Impassioned now, coming in closer again, one hand on his shoulder to nudge him just ever so slightly to bring his point in. "It's as many times as it takes. Fail a million times and it still won't be enough for me to quit and abandon you. I choose to stay by your side, and that doesn't come with any conditions." And here he goes, once again echoing the same thing, spoken in a different time to a different man. Crying then, torn apart and broken. Two faces of the same pain. His hands return to his shoulders, he comes in close, talks to him without holding back. Reaching out. Asking for him to take it.
"Inigo, we fail all the time. We'll keep failing again, and again, and again. That's...That's life. But nothing you could say or do will ever convince me to leave just because I think it isn't worth it anymore. I won't do it. And no one can make me do it, either. Because I don't want to."
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He stares into his eyes, and Roland is displaced at what he finds. There's too much there. There is emptiness, there is pain. But more than that, loneliness. And even deeper still - longing. For what, he can only say. And this would not be the first time Roland catches wind of it in between the words they speak and what they actually mean. Presumptuous as it may be, he dives in deep into what he knows, into the past he keeps to himself. The little Roland that says the same things - I'm weak. I can't do a thing. What would his mother have told him, then? What would he have decided for himself when he was being faced with fight after fight of kids bigger, stronger than him? Inigo tried, but he didn't succeed. They were caught unaware. And now...
...Now Roland falls back on the only thing he truly desires to do.
If they start to sink, then he will pull them back up to air. He will make it right. He must. There is no other way but this. He promised.
Roland shakes his head, and the gentleness falls apart, cracks. It morphs into something else, something just as earnest but sterner, determined like only Roland can become.
"No." He says, his hands turning into an eager grip. There is a fire in him again, drawn to cast light against the darkness brewing so fervently in Inigo.
"I don't make promises just to take them lightly. I don't forget the things I vow. Not then, not now. So if you want to know how many times you can screw up before I ever think that about you?" He exhales heavily. Impassioned now, coming in closer again, one hand on his shoulder to nudge him just ever so slightly to bring his point in. "It's as many times as it takes. Fail a million times and it still won't be enough for me to quit and abandon you. I choose to stay by your side, and that doesn't come with any conditions." And here he goes, once again echoing the same thing, spoken in a different time to a different man. Crying then, torn apart and broken. Two faces of the same pain. His hands return to his shoulders, he comes in close, talks to him without holding back. Reaching out. Asking for him to take it.
"Inigo, we fail all the time. We'll keep failing again, and again, and again. That's...That's life. But nothing you could say or do will ever convince me to leave just because I think it isn't worth it anymore. I won't do it. And no one can make me do it, either. Because I don't want to."