He should be glad to hear those words. That Roland won't abandon him, no matter what. The exact kind of unconditional love Inigo sought from his father back home, only to be met by those angry eyes, by an I'm disappointed.
And yet he can't. Because it doesn't feel right. He doesn't deserve it, the thought keeps echoing over and over in his mind as he looks at Roland, like the snake of his own insecurities coiling tightly around him, whispering into his ear. Who is he to take up Roland's time like this right now? Who is he to claim himself to be like a son to Roland? It's all because Roland is too nice to give up on a failure like you, even though he should, the snake whispers.
It's why he doesn't reach back. Why he doesn't take Roland's words and wrap them up in his heart. It wouldn't be right. He'd just be like a kid hiding behind him, and Roland deserves better than that.
"No, it's.. different."
He refuses. He won't let Roland act like this is just normal. This isn't something that can be covered by the blanket of parental love. Inigo's ugliness doesn't deserve to be hidden away like that.
"Everyone fails sometimes, but.. not like me. Not all the time." Sure, Inigo isn't totally blind to the fact that even Roland sometimes can fail. But that's different. Most of the time, he's doing fine. More than fine, even. He's so competent, so calm. "You do fine most of the time, Roland. You're so amazing. Everything you can do, everything you can bear.. I'm nothing like that."
He still doesn't cry, though his voice dips, something in it becoming more desperate. Like he really is sinking away into the darkness like quicksand, and it goes faster and faster the more his mouth moves and words leave it.
"That's what Reno knows too. Isn't that why he's always picking on me? No one else seems to have that problem with him, just me. It's since he knows. He figured out who's the weakest around here." And it's him. Inigo knows. He's always known. Even before this place, even already when he was young. He's always been the weakest, always the worst at things. "Father.."
He stops, and for a moment it looks like Inigo can't breathe before he manages to continue, nails digging into the palms of his hands.
"Father knew that too."
Really, why did you even travel back from the future? Lucina fights so hard, but you... You have no idea what it means to be at war.
".. You're just too nice to admit it. Too kind to give up even when you ought to. When it would be better for you."
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And yet he can't. Because it doesn't feel right. He doesn't deserve it, the thought keeps echoing over and over in his mind as he looks at Roland, like the snake of his own insecurities coiling tightly around him, whispering into his ear. Who is he to take up Roland's time like this right now? Who is he to claim himself to be like a son to Roland? It's all because Roland is too nice to give up on a failure like you, even though he should, the snake whispers.
It's why he doesn't reach back. Why he doesn't take Roland's words and wrap them up in his heart. It wouldn't be right. He'd just be like a kid hiding behind him, and Roland deserves better than that.
"No, it's.. different."
He refuses. He won't let Roland act like this is just normal. This isn't something that can be covered by the blanket of parental love. Inigo's ugliness doesn't deserve to be hidden away like that.
"Everyone fails sometimes, but.. not like me. Not all the time." Sure, Inigo isn't totally blind to the fact that even Roland sometimes can fail. But that's different. Most of the time, he's doing fine. More than fine, even. He's so competent, so calm. "You do fine most of the time, Roland. You're so amazing. Everything you can do, everything you can bear.. I'm nothing like that."
He still doesn't cry, though his voice dips, something in it becoming more desperate. Like he really is sinking away into the darkness like quicksand, and it goes faster and faster the more his mouth moves and words leave it.
"That's what Reno knows too. Isn't that why he's always picking on me? No one else seems to have that problem with him, just me. It's since he knows. He figured out who's the weakest around here." And it's him. Inigo knows. He's always known. Even before this place, even already when he was young. He's always been the weakest, always the worst at things. "Father.."
He stops, and for a moment it looks like Inigo can't breathe before he manages to continue, nails digging into the palms of his hands.
"Father knew that too."
Really, why did you even travel back from the future? Lucina fights so hard, but you... You have no idea what it means to be at war.
".. You're just too nice to admit it. Too kind to give up even when you ought to. When it would be better for you."