He remembers it too, when Inigo finishes speaking. The countless scars that litter along Inigo's body, his chest and his back. It didn't settle too heavily at the hot springs, but when his mind was at rest, when Inigo slept against him that day, Roland sees it clearly behind closed eyes.
The halidom was not all that it seemed. The crown prince was more than just the smiles and the silliness. And with the revelations that begin to dawn, the dots starting to connect, it's clear to Roland how little Inigo shows others of his struggles. Wasn't that what he mumbled to him, then? What he whispered against his shirt, what he never forgot? I would just make everyone sad. Worry. I just want to make everyone smile.
But at what cost?
At what price was this child paying to stand as he says, to keep standing even though the scars never truly heal? I've stood back up so many times. Roland is greatly upset, and he is struggling to hide it no matter how much he forces the feeling back away in order for Inigo to remain rooted, grounded in his stillness. He's a child. What did he have to do back home? What has he been forced to live through?
Then he remembers how much Reno pushed him. How much he hurt him, in more ways than one. Inigo didn't deserve this. He could fight Roland on it until kingdom come but he was never going to be swayed. His urge to protect Inigo swells to a fevered pitch now, manifesting only in the way his eyes shake and his hands begin to tremble back against Inigo's own, drawing them closer to his chest. He's resisting something - that feeling of wanting to put himself in between what's causing him pain and Inigo's own tender heart. A boy who just wanted to make people happy.
But that's not the answer. He needs only to return to another time in his life when he felt exactly the same - beaten down, worn out, weak. Roland understands a little bit more about the way he treats Inigo. He sees things from the perspective of his mother, whose sad eyes pushed him to become stronger. To hold up a toy sword and pretend he could beat bullies with just that. Eventually, the pretending turned real, and he really could stand up for himself. It's in the strength of heart you earn through hardship.
Not alone. Never alone.
So that is what he says when he shakes his head and replies. So how is there any way that would change now?
"Because now you have us." Roland says in earnest, passionately. "And...I know, pup. I know, you're tired, aren't you?" He is the one to initiate the hug this time, a jerking motion, not one meant to shield this time, but one meant to feel just as Inigo does. It hits him without mercy. His arms are tight around what he can wrap around - Inigo's shoulders, his torso. "We'll lift you up again, and again, and again. If you want to rest, we'll watch your back. If you want to get stronger, then we'll do that with you too."
Roland squeezes him without holding anything back, as if silently asking him to keep going. Please, keep going.
"...I've always thought you were strong." Roland whispers, opening his eyes and staring at the beyond, the gates of Irivar empty as the afternoon rolls in. He doesn't care if anyone sees them. "And I'm not going to stop until you feel the same."
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The halidom was not all that it seemed. The crown prince was more than just the smiles and the silliness. And with the revelations that begin to dawn, the dots starting to connect, it's clear to Roland how little Inigo shows others of his struggles. Wasn't that what he mumbled to him, then? What he whispered against his shirt, what he never forgot? I would just make everyone sad. Worry. I just want to make everyone smile.
But at what cost?
At what price was this child paying to stand as he says, to keep standing even though the scars never truly heal? I've stood back up so many times. Roland is greatly upset, and he is struggling to hide it no matter how much he forces the feeling back away in order for Inigo to remain rooted, grounded in his stillness. He's a child. What did he have to do back home? What has he been forced to live through?
Then he remembers how much Reno pushed him. How much he hurt him, in more ways than one. Inigo didn't deserve this. He could fight Roland on it until kingdom come but he was never going to be swayed. His urge to protect Inigo swells to a fevered pitch now, manifesting only in the way his eyes shake and his hands begin to tremble back against Inigo's own, drawing them closer to his chest. He's resisting something - that feeling of wanting to put himself in between what's causing him pain and Inigo's own tender heart. A boy who just wanted to make people happy.
But that's not the answer. He needs only to return to another time in his life when he felt exactly the same - beaten down, worn out, weak. Roland understands a little bit more about the way he treats Inigo. He sees things from the perspective of his mother, whose sad eyes pushed him to become stronger. To hold up a toy sword and pretend he could beat bullies with just that. Eventually, the pretending turned real, and he really could stand up for himself. It's in the strength of heart you earn through hardship.
Not alone. Never alone.
So that is what he says when he shakes his head and replies. So how is there any way that would change now?
"Because now you have us." Roland says in earnest, passionately. "And...I know, pup. I know, you're tired, aren't you?" He is the one to initiate the hug this time, a jerking motion, not one meant to shield this time, but one meant to feel just as Inigo does. It hits him without mercy. His arms are tight around what he can wrap around - Inigo's shoulders, his torso. "We'll lift you up again, and again, and again. If you want to rest, we'll watch your back. If you want to get stronger, then we'll do that with you too."
Roland squeezes him without holding anything back, as if silently asking him to keep going. Please, keep going.
"...I've always thought you were strong." Roland whispers, opening his eyes and staring at the beyond, the gates of Irivar empty as the afternoon rolls in. He doesn't care if anyone sees them. "And I'm not going to stop until you feel the same."