Of course, Koumyou immediately wants to argue that Devero is so wonderful, someone would have helped him. It's not like Koumyou was the only one on the train who was ever drawn to him in some manner.
That would be impossible. Devero is so very warm and good. Even early on, when he'd also been brittle and lonely, and still wrapped so tightly around his abuser's finger.
He visibly fights down that impulse, as he's done several times tonight, and instead considers what he himself might have been like by now.
"If we hadn't hit it off like that, I don't know what I'd be by now either. Just... nihilistic and reckless, and clinging as hard as I could to muichi motsu. That's all there would be for me."
It's Koumyou's turn to look away, down and to the side. But even so, he twists his hands to hold Devero's in turn, and squeezes.
"And no one would know any better. You draw people in, but I'm... very good at staying apart. The distant, cold moon, smiling down at everyone without ever caring for anyone."
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That would be impossible. Devero is so very warm and good. Even early on, when he'd also been brittle and lonely, and still wrapped so tightly around his abuser's finger.
He visibly fights down that impulse, as he's done several times tonight, and instead considers what he himself might have been like by now.
"If we hadn't hit it off like that, I don't know what I'd be by now either. Just... nihilistic and reckless, and clinging as hard as I could to muichi motsu. That's all there would be for me."
It's Koumyou's turn to look away, down and to the side. But even so, he twists his hands to hold Devero's in turn, and squeezes.
"And no one would know any better. You draw people in, but I'm... very good at staying apart. The distant, cold moon, smiling down at everyone without ever caring for anyone."
A soft, slow inhale.
"Just, existing, and waiting to die for real."