"I threatened people at least twice daily for misbehavin' or thinkin' they could come up against me... But about a third of the time I'd actually follow through. When I made my mistakes, I caused a solid hunk of my crew to become corrupted by greed. They were my responsibility to mind and I did whatever I needed to."

But he is glad he got to know this Koumyou. It's not performatively friendly. Sometimes he's sad, or serious, but he's never known him to be anything else than genuine. Even when they're having childish fun? That's genuine too, or has always seemed it. Like they're reclaiming their youth.

"I could still do it too. My only regret would be if someone caught me doin' it and was a li'l' more fucked up for it. The only reason I'm decent is because I failed. I couldn't hold it together. I lost everythin'. I'm sure there's some kinda religious notion in the whole 'losin' everythin' shit but honestly you take me from one single day earlier? And I'da needed shut down the moment I stepped onto that platform."

And that's been haunting him so much. Moreso recently. That people don't realize what he is, and he knows exactly what he is. It's easier to say to Koumyou, though, because he's seen that remarkable absence in him when he's spoken of having to kill people and that lack of judgment/presence of understanding is invaluable.