There are a lot of things at play here, though not all evidence of his self-loathing. Sure, he really doesn't place a lot of value on himself. Even if he didn't die out here, he came out here knowing he'd hurt and he was ready to take a battering. That he was roaming right into recursive punishment if not death. It's more that after days of seeing glimpses into the past? Of the peaceful villages, the battles, of the civilians displaced and scared and wondering why their world was shattering? He can't be his worst self.
Yondu has it in him be a brutal, remorseless killer. But seeing some frail young mother rush at him with a knife? To see some haggard old laborer that's never fought a day in his life try to throw a punch? It's offensive. Them being used is as bad as how he and Soldat were used. If there's one little thread of gentleness in him for himself or for others like him, it's that he does not want to kill these unfortunate victims.
Mixing them in with the weird flower revenants out in the wild? That's just goddamn low. It means Yondu can't attack until he's sure which is which. He has to let them get close enough to tell, and while his arrow is fast, it can't take them down permanently. He can aim for the knees and hope they take some extra time to get back.
And placing equalizers? That's distracting. Yondu's had to do some concentration in plenty of fights. Run craft, rewire machinery, break codes? He's taken damage during those moments too. That's not new. What is new is that these guys aren't going down, he only has one person out here with him, and when enough attack at once that makes a difference. He waits as long as he can before asking for more potions, but whatever basic weaponry they got (whether it's a knife or a fucking hammer) takes its toll. Then when they go down, it almost feels worse when he realizes which ones aren't going to get back up. Just pisses him off more, and he hopes the train's gods fuck up whatever the gods of this world are (though he's still a bit bitter on the idea of gods in general).
So eventually he's out of potions and working on laying down a second equalizer, his body's repaired but his clothes have suffered under the assault, he's exhausted from healing and he's trying to put down the last of the batch, knowing another wave of the holy fuckfaces are bearing down on them. But he knows if he gets this finished? Then it'll just be the undead they're dealing with. But he doesn't quite finish. One rejuvenated soldier with good aim and a spear to show it off with manages to get him from quite a distance. He's bent over the screen when it comes down, kneeling, and it cleanly bursts out the front of his left shoulder and embeds deep in the red sand.
And after everything? He's pretty sure that's it. Time to call it quits. A couple of attempts and he's too worn out to dislodge the weapon from the sand, letting his dark blood pour down and stain it. There are too many of the things around, and he's kept Soldat out here long enough.
He gives up and just tosses his arrow away from him with his still functional right arm. There. Easy to get.
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Yondu has it in him be a brutal, remorseless killer. But seeing some frail young mother rush at him with a knife? To see some haggard old laborer that's never fought a day in his life try to throw a punch? It's offensive. Them being used is as bad as how he and Soldat were used. If there's one little thread of gentleness in him for himself or for others like him, it's that he does not want to kill these unfortunate victims.
Mixing them in with the weird flower revenants out in the wild? That's just goddamn low. It means Yondu can't attack until he's sure which is which. He has to let them get close enough to tell, and while his arrow is fast, it can't take them down permanently. He can aim for the knees and hope they take some extra time to get back.
And placing equalizers? That's distracting. Yondu's had to do some concentration in plenty of fights. Run craft, rewire machinery, break codes? He's taken damage during those moments too. That's not new. What is new is that these guys aren't going down, he only has one person out here with him, and when enough attack at once that makes a difference. He waits as long as he can before asking for more potions, but whatever basic weaponry they got (whether it's a knife or a fucking hammer) takes its toll. Then when they go down, it almost feels worse when he realizes which ones aren't going to get back up. Just pisses him off more, and he hopes the train's gods fuck up whatever the gods of this world are (though he's still a bit bitter on the idea of gods in general).
So eventually he's out of potions and working on laying down a second equalizer, his body's repaired but his clothes have suffered under the assault, he's exhausted from healing and he's trying to put down the last of the batch, knowing another wave of the holy fuckfaces are bearing down on them. But he knows if he gets this finished? Then it'll just be the undead they're dealing with. But he doesn't quite finish. One rejuvenated soldier with good aim and a spear to show it off with manages to get him from quite a distance. He's bent over the screen when it comes down, kneeling, and it cleanly bursts out the front of his left shoulder and embeds deep in the red sand.
And after everything? He's pretty sure that's it. Time to call it quits. A couple of attempts and he's too worn out to dislodge the weapon from the sand, letting his dark blood pour down and stain it. There are too many of the things around, and he's kept Soldat out here long enough.
He gives up and just tosses his arrow away from him with his still functional right arm. There. Easy to get.