There's a chasm in his head, and starlight at the tip of his fingers. He's not ready for this. But it might be his only chance, and Esteban... He needs to try.
He needs to try.
One year, he'd given himself before. He'd cheated and searched for two.
These are strangers. They are people he's never met before. These are people he's never faced, never talked to, never knew, gathering their likes and dislikes, and skills and life like the treasures he believed every being ever was. These are not part of his hoard.
But they are part of the Train's hoard, and maybe, maybe Esteban is just placing his thoughts atop the train's, maybe it's not the same at all. But he can still remember the bone-deep cry, the scream of their voices in his head-- too many, too many of them lost and worn away, a memory that he cannot touch anymore. He can't leave them. He can't leave them.
One try. One try, this time. He can't ask more of Tidus, he can't even be sure it's a good idea for himself to try. When he has time-- when he has the strength and the thoughts to make sense of all the tangles in his head, maybe he'll have a better solution.
But for now, there is a wall, an impasse, and Esteban doesn't know how else to take it down, than to throw himself at it and hope, hope he can break it.
"Yeah!" Deep breath. It doesn't sound as chirpy as he meant it to be, but, well. Everyone's been stretched thin in the last few days, and he knows he's already asking for a lot, just to be anchoring him. More than anything, he hopes Tidus is going to be okay; it's one thing for him to be foolish, but... He doesn't want to endanger his friend.
Steady. He gathers his strength, gathers all of his thoughts into this one attempt. One attempt, this time. He'll find other ways later on, but this time, he'll try it once. He swipes at his SCA, takes another deep breath, and taps at the icon.
The plunge feels all the more disorienting, this darkness that seeps in through the corners of his mind. There's emotions and tangles, and he tries, tries to keep them to himself, walking the edges of his memories, balancing on the mouth of a crater he's had to learn to tiptoe around.
He's not holding onto any item. No hoard, no shard of his soul already in-hand to guide him forth. Esteban stares down at the abyss of the void, looks at the stretches of nothingness in front of him, and his only link is back; trusting Tidus to keep the path that he'll need.
"Just-- keep your thoughts on me, Sunshine," and it might be redundant of their last few days, keeping track of each other, but that is most definitely why he clings to it, clings to the anchoring he and Tidus have done for each other, even before tethering their crewmates. Sets it as a marker, a lighthouse in the darkness, because Esteban is going to dive into their depths, and he needs to remember to come back.
loooooots of introspection, sorry
There's a chasm in his head, and starlight at the tip of his fingers. He's not ready for this. But it might be his only chance, and Esteban... He needs to try.
He needs to try.
One year, he'd given himself before. He'd cheated and searched for two.
These are strangers. They are people he's never met before. These are people he's never faced, never talked to, never knew, gathering their likes and dislikes, and skills and life like the treasures he believed every being ever was. These are not part of his hoard.
But they are part of the Train's hoard, and maybe, maybe Esteban is just placing his thoughts atop the train's, maybe it's not the same at all. But he can still remember the bone-deep cry, the scream of their voices in his head-- too many, too many of them lost and worn away, a memory that he cannot touch anymore. He can't leave them. He can't leave them.
One try. One try, this time. He can't ask more of Tidus, he can't even be sure it's a good idea for himself to try. When he has time-- when he has the strength and the thoughts to make sense of all the tangles in his head, maybe he'll have a better solution.
But for now, there is a wall, an impasse, and Esteban doesn't know how else to take it down, than to throw himself at it and hope, hope he can break it.
"Yeah!" Deep breath. It doesn't sound as chirpy as he meant it to be, but, well. Everyone's been stretched thin in the last few days, and he knows he's already asking for a lot, just to be anchoring him. More than anything, he hopes Tidus is going to be okay; it's one thing for him to be foolish, but... He doesn't want to endanger his friend.
Steady. He gathers his strength, gathers all of his thoughts into this one attempt. One attempt, this time. He'll find other ways later on, but this time, he'll try it once. He swipes at his SCA, takes another deep breath, and taps at the icon.
The plunge feels all the more disorienting, this darkness that seeps in through the corners of his mind. There's emotions and tangles, and he tries, tries to keep them to himself, walking the edges of his memories, balancing on the mouth of a crater he's had to learn to tiptoe around.
He's not holding onto any item. No hoard, no shard of his soul already in-hand to guide him forth. Esteban stares down at the abyss of the void, looks at the stretches of nothingness in front of him, and his only link is back; trusting Tidus to keep the path that he'll need.
"Just-- keep your thoughts on me, Sunshine," and it might be redundant of their last few days, keeping track of each other, but that is most definitely why he clings to it, clings to the anchoring he and Tidus have done for each other, even before tethering their crewmates. Sets it as a marker, a lighthouse in the darkness, because Esteban is going to dive into their depths, and he needs to remember to come back.