For a moment, Tidus' encouragement for him to try is almost enough to send Esteban back to his feet (even if he can't find them right now, his body is disjointed, a puppet without strings, but he could do it if he just pushes through--). It coils unease along his spine, a need for action, to do something, anything. Time that slips like sand between his fingers.
But the blond goes on and-- and--
Esteban is stuck. He's stuck with wanting better-- wanting something so much brighter than what they have right now. He wants his friends to be happy. He wants them to be content and happy and at ease, he wants to offer them comfort and fix the things that hurt them.
He wants to erase the heartache that lingers in Tidus, he wants to bring back those who have been lost, wants to fix things that are too broken and sharp for him to offer them back to his friends. He's always wanted them to be happy above all else, wants to bring light where there is darkness, because that is one thing Esteban can do-- should be able to do.
But there are storms he can't fight. Not like this. Not alone.
There's a taste of gingerbread in Esteban's memory. A chat next to the sweets claimed by the purple team, of water worlds saved and fire worlds lost and the slowing lull of the blond's voice as he'd fallen to his own thoughts. Naming him after the sunshine to chase away the storms. 'Dians.
"You're pretty amazin', y' know that?" He'd sort of known it before, but Esteban can't help but admire Tidus' resolve, especially now that he's starting to understand... this. The drag of loss, the confinement of their thoughts. Esteban doesn't want to go back to the train. Not right now. Not like this.
It feels like a trap.
But he knows he won't turn away from it. Not now, not until things are resolved; echoing Tidus' steadfast brightness. His lips pull up in a smile as he decides that, trying to etch it deep enough that it won't fail him next time. He wants to be as strong as his companion is, and maybe next time, maybe he'll manage to be the strength to keep someone else going.
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But the blond goes on and-- and--
Esteban is stuck. He's stuck with wanting better-- wanting something so much brighter than what they have right now. He wants his friends to be happy. He wants them to be content and happy and at ease, he wants to offer them comfort and fix the things that hurt them.
He wants to erase the heartache that lingers in Tidus, he wants to bring back those who have been lost, wants to fix things that are too broken and sharp for him to offer them back to his friends. He's always wanted them to be happy above all else, wants to bring light where there is darkness, because that is one thing Esteban can do-- should be able to do.
But there are storms he can't fight. Not like this. Not alone.
There's a taste of gingerbread in Esteban's memory. A chat next to the sweets claimed by the purple team, of water worlds saved and fire worlds lost and the slowing lull of the blond's voice as he'd fallen to his own thoughts. Naming him after the sunshine to chase away the storms. 'Dians.
"You're pretty amazin', y' know that?" He'd sort of known it before, but Esteban can't help but admire Tidus' resolve, especially now that he's starting to understand... this. The drag of loss, the confinement of their thoughts. Esteban doesn't want to go back to the train. Not right now. Not like this.
It feels like a trap.
But he knows he won't turn away from it. Not now, not until things are resolved; echoing Tidus' steadfast brightness. His lips pull up in a smile as he decides that, trying to etch it deep enough that it won't fail him next time. He wants to be as strong as his companion is, and maybe next time, maybe he'll manage to be the strength to keep someone else going.