middleofsomewhere | The Waking of Neran

The Waking of Neran

"Good morning Voidtreckers and passengers. Today is day twenty one of the month of Orchestra. We will be arriving in System #78961112094711 later today and the dressing carriage is open for your use."

It is indeed, with thick winter coats, hats, scarves and gloves in all sizes. There are also some bags suitable for carrying food, for anyone who wants to add to the festival food with more food!

They have the morning to prepare before another announcement.

"Shortly arriving in System #78961112094711. The weather is extremely cold, voidtreckers and passengers should wrap up warm and wear their SCA's at all times. Arriving in ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one."
The train shakes as they leave the void and they will see dark skies with glowing flecks of light falling down around them. It's only a glimpse before there is rock to both sides as they enter the landing area.

The Waking of Neran

... ARRIVAL TO OSIGA

THE VOIDTRECKER EXPRESS PULLS INTO AN OPEN HIGH-STACKED PARKING STATION, FILLED ALREADY BY A VARIETY OF VEHICLES. Darkness and the cold spills into where they pull in, lights and signs around to guide the Voidtreckers who exit the craft where they need to go, elevator and teleporting systems available to choose from.

For those turn their gaze to where the cold comes, they will see a view of the world: a landscape of mountains lit in burning bright blue. Like Christmas and city lights, they can be seen in the far distance, and the sky too glows with a shimmering, falling blue. It looks like a slow rain, while farther up, the twinkling of actual stars can be glimpsed.

This will be their view of the world for three Osiga days - 210 hours, give or take.

The lower floor widens into a train-like station, shuttles ready to take them into Osiga proper in short five minute rides. They just need to figure out they need to scan their SCAs at the turnstiles, which will beep with approval, and send a map to their SCA of the grotto.

With a handy dot to their hotel.

... THE IRUE GROTTO

HOTEL. THE EXTERIOR OF THE HOTEL IS STONY, A WALL OF UNEVEN ROCK WITH SLITS FOR WINDOWS CLIMBING UPWARD. It gives off a sparse, cold impression, but the interior is anything but. Inside the floors are smoother, a carpet in the middle of a lobby, and the walls are decorated with colourful paints and endless rugs and furs. There's seating, a roaring fire in one corner, and lighting set to a cosy mood.

There's stairs that can be taken, but also elevators. The bedrooms are much the same as the lobby, with paints and furs all around - the furs especially covering the beds, along with hand stitched quilts. In the centre is a fire pit, set with heatstones than wood or coal, and extras in a container by a wall with safety instructions of how to move them (with tongs and gloves).

Outside the rest of the grotto can be seen, a mish-mash of layers closer to a labyrinth. There's curtains for privacy, and also a screen to help blot out the sound.

FOOD & SIGHTS.

NOW, THE IRUE GROTTO CAN BE EXPLORED. The grotto is easy to get lost in, with stone stairs and archways doubling as bridges to lead to different levels, but always with something to see. Museums and art galleries fill most of the lower layers down, a few shops between of traditional trinkets and garments for those who come out interested in taking a piece of Osiga back with them. There are also day classes, with candle-making a big one on the first night.

Water runs through constructed streams, small but always in travel. They fall off into small waterfalls, eventually gathering into pools that always ensure drink is around. But there's also drinking spaces around, wall coves where servers mind the drinks, and people gather around on crouched seating. Privacy isn't a big deal in Osiga; visitors welcomed into conversation freely. The drinks favour the strong, spicy and sweet. Their traditional drinks are a fiery whisky and a sweet creamy milk drink flavoured by spices that taste very much like cinnamon and nutmeg. It is strongly alcoholic though there is a non alcoholic version as well. There are other drinks available of course from other planets but visitors are encouraged in a good natured way to try the good stuff.

And let's not forget the food. Most traditional Osigian dishes are spicy yet sweet, fatty, and largely meat. There are also food baskets all over, filled with wrapped snacks free for taking, or to add your own. Never let your neighbour go hungry. What will you find, dipping your hand in: a treat, or a mistake?

SORS PARKS, OPEN SKIES. THE FARTHER FROM THE HOTELS AND STATION VISITORS GO, THE MORE THE SKY BECOMES VISIBLE, AND WITH IT THE FALLING SNOW. Except this isn't snow, and those who venture out will figure this soon enough. There are sors parks up ahead, hard to miss for how they glow a brilliant blue, tall erratic sculptures shaped like an abstract mess. They're cold, even colder than the rest of the grotto, and near every entrance are wooden racks with coats and scarfs hanging from pegs, a bucket of heatstones to stick in pockets.

Keeping company is better than not. Anyone who goes in alone will find the chill uncomfortable to those who have someone else nearby, SCAs working stronger together. Paths somehow stay free from being covered in the icy mess, and every few yards are grit bins with small bags to put the contents in, instructions as to what to do.

And that's to throw them at the sculptures, into the air, and watch as the hardened ice disperses into a fizzle of lights. The sight is considered beautiful, and especially fun for kids and couples.

... ANAN & THE MINISTRY

It's maybe an hour or so after their arrival when a message comes through the comms on their SCA's.

boop beep boop beep / boop boop boop/ boop boop/ beep//
beep beep / boop beep//
beep beep beep boop/ boop boop boop/ beep beep/ boop beep beep / boop / beep boop beep/ beep/ boop beep boop beep/ boop beep boop/ beep/ beep boop beep/ beep beep beep//

"It didn't close the hack. I think your Voidtrecker Express likes me." Anan sounds almost triumphant. "Glad you all came. I'm at the drinking space next to the Irue Museam of Osigan Art."

For those that wish to go and meet her, they can.

... THE WAKING OF NERAN

NIGHT ONE: REMEMBERING. It's hard to tell when 'night' begins when the world is in darkness and there are more hours in the day then they are perhaps used to. But things begin to wind down a little, the art houses and museums close and the day activities are wrapped up.

People begin making their way to the main streets where the parade will go. Some people may have made candles throughout the day but there are also long candles for sale and 'fire' bearers carrying large torches to light the candles. The main lights are all turned off, plunging the streets into darkness lit only by the candles and the faint distant glow of sors.

The parade itself has large lit floats, literally floating above the ground, the lights are in intricate shapes. There are light dancers- people dressed completely in black to blend in to the night, with ribbons of light doing feats of acrobatics to music- instruments and volcaless voices weaving melodies.

After the parade passes by people move to the streams, where their floating candles that can be lit and sent on their way. There are designated areas for the tall candles to be placed- almost shrine like with areas to pray or think or sing- the helpful guides will assist anyone and are very open to the different ways people from various worlds and cultures may wish to remember their dead.

Afterwards people are encouraged to drink, eat, spend time with the living and swap stories of the dead. Dance and sing. It is upbeat, joyous and the tears are meant to be cathartic.

NIGHT TWO: PERSEVERING. After another day of activities- or resting and recovering from the excess of the night before the grotto again is ready in anticipation. The side of the grotto open to the sky is packed with people, ledges and railings packed with people. Even the buildings on this side of the grotto have opened their doors to allow people up on their roofs to watch the firework display.

Sparklers are sold, as are snacks and drinks and a voice comes through speakers throughout the space.

"NERAN! On this night you fight!" The crowd cheers. "Hear our dedication, return to us! For tonight is a night of COURAGE!"

The crowd cheers again and the fireworks begin. Loud and colourful, beautiful shapes, almost like dances in the sky. It's loud and it's busy but the atmosphere is great, throughout the night within the crowd there are marriage proposals, declarations of new jobs, decisions to travel the void. Bravery and courage abound- helped probably by the strong whisky that is flowing freely.

NIGHT THREE: UNITY. The festival continues, though it's a slightly later start on day three for many who are nursing hangovers, having a well earned sleep in preparation for the final night or just frantically trying to remember what declarations they had made the night before.

But the activities are still happening throughout the grotto- though the guides might advise any obvious voidtravellers that they may wish to nap before 'night' time, especially if they are not used to day/night cycles this long. The final night doesn't stop til sunrise after all and no one wants to miss the sun rising!

As the time comes for the party to start every square and every street is packed, music blares through speakers. Traditional Osigan music mixed with styles and music from other planets in the galexy. The traditional Osigan music has many layers, deep bass instruments that seem to make the ground itself rumble.

There is dancing, led by guides and locals. They are big circle dances, loud energetic and done in unity. There are callers who keep everyone in time and remind them of the steps but it is mostly an exercise in organised chaos.

But very fun organised chaos. There's extra chairs and benches set around for people who would rather watch or need a break from the endless swirl of dancers. There's plenty of water in large barrels for people to help themselves and other drinks are available to buy.

The party goes on for hours but eventually the music stops and there is an announcement that they have an hour left until sunrise. People begin moving out to find the best spots to watch. Up high on the cliffs people spread out rugs and blankets and settle, waiting.

The atmosphere is one of anticipation, people passing around drinks and snacks. Then there is a hush, a cry as for the first time in a month the first ray of light streaks across the sky.

Neran has awoken. The sun has returned once more.

OOC NOTES

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

There's fluttering and heaviness in equal parts in Thanatos's core, and he stares at the connection between him and Zagreus. He can sense the thread tying them together, a tether in a sense. It shouldn't be so difficult between them, and yet.... "Ugh, I don't know. Sometimes I miss not feeling anything. Can't always trust what feelings say. Especially with all this, what we've learned, what I've become. I get to thinking... Are--"

Would this bond help keep their tethers intact until they can go home? Together? To what time? Will Thanatos have to wait for Zagreus until their times fell back into sync? What if one of their tethers were to break?

The answer to that last one comes easily. Thanatos would delay his return home and search the entire Void for Zagreus. He knows what it's like to be trapped with no one looking for him. And... because he loves him. Thanatos would choose Zagreus over his duty. Despite everything, that hasn't changed.

His heart races and sends golden ichor to his cheeks. His breaths are quick and shallow. Thanatos cold hand darts out for Zagreus's hand to hold it firmly. He doesn't continue speaking for a few moments, lost in his own head, his own fears and priorities he's identifying (or identifying once more).

When Thanatos's shoulders relax some, he still holds onto Zagreus's hand, a precaution against his own nature, his own tendency to want to flee when he's overwhelmed by... everything. If he does, Zagreus will come with him. They do need to have this talk. Focus. He was saying something to Zagreus about them, wasn't he?

"I... I get to thinking, are we only friends, or... have I..." ruined things, and this is all because we're friends? Nothing else, so I shouldn't look. "Look this is embarrassing."

He's not at all sure what he's trying to say.

Edited (Made a bit a little more clear) 2022-01-08 03:29 (UTC)

His fingers lace with Thanatos', naturally fitting together. He doesn't mind the coolness of Than's skin, as it's still not as cold as the bracing chill around them - but the fire and Zagreus' feet and laurels do enough to stave it off, making it comfortable. Zag even finds himself shifting closer, shoulder to shoulder, still holding onto that hand. "To think discussing feelings would be even harder than annihilating Father's forces. But... I've been asking myself the same thing, Than. If it's any reassurance. And... whew, okay, I'd just better do it."

Without releasing Than's grip, Zagreus reaches with his other hand into the small satchel he brought with him, and slowly reveals yet another Ambrosia bottle, placing it between them along with two shot glasses carved of solid sors-ice, stolen from the party at large for this purpose. "Thanatos, I wanted to apologize for the last time I approached you with a bottle of the real thing, and give the whole exchange another shot. Would that be all right?" His cheeks suddenly run hot, his laurels sparking a little more to life and his feet glowing just a little brighter at the sudden rush of excitement that's flooding through the hellion prince. He's said it, he's finally done it... and now all he has to wait for is Than's answer.

Thanatos blinks as Zagreus brings out the Ambrosia bottle and shot glasses. When had he... Thanatos looks around again. All of this was so that he could set the scene to give him another Ambrosia. If the flavor is supposed to improve upon being given, what would it do with all this?

There is no attempt at hiding the gold that flushes across his cheeks. "You're asking my consent to give me yet another lavish gift? Sure, permission granted. Though... what makes you think your approach this time is going to be any more successful than the last?" Ugh... that's harsher than he meant it and places the blame on the wrong person. He shakes his head, silvery bangs catching the light of the sors. "You know how I am. How I react."

Thanatos drops his gaze to their clasped hands. He's in a better mental space, and right at this moment, he feels in control of his emotions. And yet, once Zagreus starts talking and Thanatos's heart starts listening, he can't promise that he'll be able to stay that way. "I don't want to accidentally hurt you."

"I don't know that it will," Zagreus admits, busying himself pouring a shot of ambrosia into each shotglass before placing the rest of the bottle between them. He sort of wishes he hadn't, because Than just looks... beautiful, his cheeks golden with ichor, his silver hair glinting in the moonlight and the sors-ice. Even as Thanatos speaks, Zagreus finds himself glancing toward his lips, and wondering what it would be like to kiss them. His fingers on his other hand flex automatically at the thought, and he finds himself gripping Than's hand a little tighter than he'd intended. His thumb brushes along the back of Than's hand, his eyes lingering on their entwined fingers. "I never really know exactly where I stand with you."

Gods, how stupid can he be? There's not even a guarantee Thanatos feels the same way he does. But backing out now would mean Zagreus could never forgive himself. Fear is for the weak, he hears Achilles say to him in his mind. Risk it all, echoes the voice of Patroclus, not far behind his companion in both life and death.

He has to confess, again, now, and damn the potential consequences. He draws his eyes away from their clasped hands, daring himself to look into Thanatos' eyes as he speaks once more. "But I know how I feel, and I'd rather be upfront with you, even if it means risking our relationship, such as it is."

"... Ideally, you'd be standing next to me," Thanatos starts, and even if he means slightly more literally than figuratively, Thanatos does mean it. How else are they supposed to take on everything the Fates have woven for them? They need to stand together, don't they? Neither one of them leaving the other behind?

He glances up to catch Zagreus's eyes lower slightly from his eyes to his lips. And gods, Thanatos wonders if his skin is as golden as the Ambrosia Zagreus brought. He can feel the blush up to his ears and is that ever an unsettling sensation for Death Incarnate to feel. Like the fluttering his chest, the beating of his heart, the warmth on his skin, it all makes him feel all too alive. It's the only way he could really explain it. He even feels unsteady, as if something physically pulls Thanatos toward Zagreus, and he has to force himself to stay still after Zagreus looked at him like that... what if he gives him the wrong idea? (The right idea?)

"Our relationship... It wasn't long ago that you were prepared to throw it all way, even less time for me. And I was prepared to let you go, not just to the surface but beyond our world. No matter how I felt."

Thanatos nearly curses as the words leave his mouth. After everything Zagreus has been trying to tell him, what Thanatos wants to believe, there is still a part of him that's so afraid that he'll be left on his own. After a month of confinement, his rescue and the first face he saw wasn't from his family or coworkers but an Olympian who needed him for war. Another time, someone he thought he knew and trusted left without even saying goodbye. The common factor is Death, him.

He doesn't mind Zagreus gripping his hand tighter. "Yet, you've been saying you care for me, and... what, exactly, Zag?"

Edited (Added clarity for a sentence ) 2022-01-24 08:24 (UTC)

Zagreus chuckles at Than's answer, his smile crinkling the corners of his mis-matched eyes. "Well I can promise you that will happen physically, Than, but I meant more in the sense of our relationship, whatever it is."

He moves forward too, a little, almost imperceptibly. Than makes it so easy to want to touch him, brush fingers through his silver hair or caress his tanned cheeks or envelop him in an embrace. Than makes it so easy to want to plaster his face and lips with kisses, to press against his whole body and share some warmth. But Than's words give Zagreus pause, and the sting of guilt makes itself known in his chest. That's right, he was willing to throw it all away, throw away the love and adoration of this beautiful, wonderful, precious God. And how foolish he'd been to do so.

"That's what I'm saying, Than. I should not have left the Underworld the way I did, without letting you know. There's a lot of things recently, that I should apologize for. Like rejecting your gift of the Cthonic Knot the way I did, when you were only trying to help me. Even if I had a good reason, in that I didn't want to see you hurt due to my actions, it was still a terrible thing to do. And for staying away from you after... after my last attempt at this. I thought I was giving you space, but when you told me that night that really you were scared of being alone... I felt awful that I'd, essentially, given you radio silence. Even if my intentions have been to help you, I've put you through a lot of grief. I know a simple apology like this won't erase all my missteps or anything, but I wanted to clear the air, so that we can actually try some Ambrosia this time, and only have happy memories to look forward to remembering."

He carefully unlaces his fingers from Than's, just long enough to grasp both the shotglasses and transfer one into Than's other hand. "But when you found me, that first time in the Underworld, I think that's when... that's when I knew, or started to realize, you know?" Their fingers lace once more, now that they have their Ambrosia, and that words that should have been spoken months ago have finally been spoken.

"I... yes, I know, I think, because when I heard you took off, the anger that I felt, it was... it wasn't something I expected. The fear I felt when I thought you trapped, unable to die, was destroying me. When I finally put a name to what I felt towards you on Kamakan, I..." Here, Thanatos takes the shot glass of Ambrosia in one hand and returns to holding onto Zagreus tightly with his other.

"All I could think about was how I needed to hide it, so I could protect you. Because you really do deserve more than the Underworld and our frozen wasteland of a world, especially when you're so alive out here. And then you said you liked me, and I panicked because, suddenly, it felt like I might condemn you to that miserable life that I have no choice but to live...."

Perhaps Zagreus might recall the times when Thanatos said that he'd destroy his own heart to protect the one he loved, to not trap him. Perhaps Zagreus will recall Thanatos suggesting that Zagreus live for the both of them, free because he cared too much about Zagreus to ask him to come back home with him. Perhaps Zagreus will realize that Thanatos has been talking about the same person in both cases this whole time, the very person he's with right now.

Thanatos gives a small, nervous laugh. "I'm not holding onto you just because I want to. I don't want to accidentally shift away again." He looks up at Zagreus, flushed with life and the red blood flowing through his veins. He can feel the warmth radiating off him, comforting but not burning or blinding in the same way Helios's chariot is. Thanatos can't help but do what Zagreus did moments earlier. His golden eyes flick down to his lips before he catches himself and trains his gaze towards Zagreus's eyes.

Still, his voice is soft, fragile as he asks the question, "So... What... do we do now?"

Because there are so many different ways to answer that, and Thanatos doesn't know which one Zagreus will give him.

Zagreus' heart flutters at Thanatos continues speaking. Put a name to it? Put a name to what? The butterflies in his stomach return, and in greater numbers. He thinks he sees Thanatos glance down to his lips, too, but maybe he was looking at something else? Why is it that Thanatos makes it so hard to understand what he's feeling, what he's thinking? Does Thanatos... like him in the same way? Zagreus bites his lip, wishing he could get a straight forward answer. But Thanatos has never been one for straight forward answers to questions like that.

Okay. Okay, if he's going to ask, he'd better do it in a way that won't scare Thanatos off again. Not like the last time, that last horrible time where he'd been away from Than for too long and almost destroyed their friendship completely. Perhaps he ought to slow down? After a small breath, he has what he wants to say worded as carefully as he can say it.

"Maybe we ought to take our time. Unlike the real thing here," He raises his shotglass a little to demonstrate, "that's a commodity we have in good supply. Just know that... if you feel the way I do... you know where to find me." The prince's fingers flex, again, and this time he finds himself squeezing Thanatos' hand, wishing he could convey with just a simple touch how much Thanatos has meant to him over his life, how much Thanatos means to him now. "And if not... I'm grateful anyway."

He nods back down to their shotglasses. "So what do you say? Should we try it, finally?" Zag's glass is poised and ready, waiting to drink once Thanatos brings the shotglass to his lips.

Thanatos huffs. "You and I both know that we have a good supply of Ambrosia with how much the train will give us for a single order. We could have it and time in equal measure." The number of bottles in Thanatos's cabin is proof of that, and he's surprised his cabinmates haven't thought him to be like Dionysus and his drink.

"But... I see. And, well. I'm... grateful, too, for this." Whatever "this" now is. He shakes his head and lifts up his glass as Zagreus does, trying to disguise the sudden... disappointment he feels. Are they not talking about the same thing after all? He can't explain it, but just seconds earlier, he felt so drawn by Zagreus's presence. There was a strange want in him. He thought he sensed the same in him. In the way he looks at him, squeezes his hand, his reason for doing all of this.

But now? It feels like Zagreus is pulling back from him on purpose. Did Thanatos say something wrong? Should he not have asked? He didn't expect this answer, and he tries to mask his confusion.

Well... perhaps he'll figure it out after tasting this Ambrosia. Still, the hard, cool glass on his lips is jarring when he had been expecting (hoping for?) a softer warmth.

"You know what I mean," Zag teases, nudging Than's shoulder with his own, though finding it hard to pull away once he's moved closer. "Time is not something we have to buy, or ration, or keep to ourselves for a rainy day. We have time to... to figure this all out, you know?"

Zagreus raises his glass, and with a cheerful "to our health!", downs the Ambrosia in one go. It's sweet, but not overly so, and there's a buttery warmth to it that goes down smooth. It doesn't taste like his favorite foods, exactly, but it brings the memory of them, recalling one by one in Zagreus' mind as if he'd just had them for the first time. The gyros Charon sells, pomegranates, and of course the baklava of Persephone that he'd helped make for the first time on the Train. Once the Ambrosia hits his stomach it flows through his entire body, unlocking tiny half-remembrances that call to mind pleasant memories. The feeling of holding Than's hand in his. The warmth of the first hug he gave his Mother. The feeling of hefting the weight of the newly-reformed Stygius onto his shoulder for the first time. The press of Meg's lips on his cheek. And then he feels something surface in his mind, unbidden and long forgotten, but nonetheless precious...

... it was shortly after he and Megaera had started dating, the first time. Zag made his way onto the balcony in the West Wing, mostly purposeless, finding his feet wandering more than anything else. That's when he spotted Megaera and Thanatos, chatting casually on the balcony overlooking the river Styx. As he approached, his eyes caught Megaera's gaze. He could almost see a smirk on her lips as she turned her attention back to the God of Death, laughing at some small joke between then. But as Zagreus got close enough to listen to what they were saying, Megaera quickly finished her conversation with Thanatos and gave him a wave before heading back to the great hall. She smiled with her bright pink lips, nudging Zag's hip with her own as she walked past. "See you at practice, Zag. You'd better come prepared."

And then she was off, and Zag found himself staring after her, until Thanatos' voice interrupted his thoughts. "Don't you think Megaera is being too informal with you, Prince Zagreus? It seems... I don't know, unprofessional." Thanatos was frowning, watching Megaera leave as well, before he flicked his golden eyes to Zagreus, to see what he might be thinking.

Zagreus felt a little heat rise onto his cheeks. Thanatos' gaze always made him feel a little warmer. He smiled his usual carefree smile, taking Megaera's place leaning on the balcony railing. "I don't mind it, actually, when she calls me Zag. So what if it's unprofessional? " He nudged Thanatos with his elbow, and grinned when he noticed the slightest hint of gold on the God of Death's cheeks. "You know, you could always call me Zag, too, if you wanted." His voice grew a little shyer, hoping he wasn't stepping over bounds that shouldn't be crossed. The silence that followed only made him more nervous, that he'd somehow insulted the God of Death, his Father's Model Employee, and that he was going to have to pay for that later.

But then Thanatos spoke. "... you know what? Sure. I'll call you Zag, if... that's what you want, Prince."

Zag let out an amused chuckle, much to his fellow God's consternation. But inside, Zagreus felt so freed by that simple change, an airy lightness in his bearing at hearing that nickname come from Thanatos' mouth. "Not Prince, just Zag! And only if I get to call you a nickname too. How does Than sound?"

He noticed Thanatos turn shyly away, pulling up his hood to cover his face where his bangs would not, but the tell-tale golden blush still gave away the God of Death's embarrassment. "Than, hmm? That sounds... nice, Zag."

"Than it is!" He crowed jubilantly, and the sounds of their pleasant conversation faded away back into his memories.

... Zagreus feels the same smile curl the corners of his lips in the real world, that light chuckle of amusement arising shortly after. "Gods, were you really that embarrassed when I called you Than for the first time? I thought it suited you. I think it still does."

The Ambrosia is deliciously warm as it flows past Thanatos's lips and down his throat. The taste is harder for him to identify. It's tart like a pomegranate but also somehow smoky and charred in flavor like it had been burned as an offering. His mind supplies the bay laurel as the fuel for the fire. There's a slight metallic smell like the River Styx, but beyond those scents are ones much like Persephone's spring on Erda.

It doesn't take long for Thanatos to realize why those flavors and smells are coming to mind, and perhaps there is a bit of luck that his cheeks are already flushed with gold. The knowledge of the metaphorical taste of this Ambrosia can be better hidden.

It's harder to stop the memory pushing its way to the surface of his thoughts.

Zagreus found him, curled up in a dark corner. The stars in his wings were the only real indication that he was even there. He would have otherwise blended in, overlooked.

Thanatos had been doing his best to stop crying, so he could get back to work. Mort was gone, and no matter how much he tried to convince himself that this was just his Fate, he couldn't stop crying like a weak godling. He was Death Incarnate. Everyone will leave him. Like they did for a month because he failed them.

And now... Mort too. His only friend. He knew exactly where he left Mort, but Mort was no longer there. He must have failed him too.

He couldn't even look for him and attempt to apologize. There was no time. Thanatos couldn't spend his time looking for Mort when the dead needed collecting. Or he needed to bring the shades to Brother Charon. Or doing his parchmentwork in the Administrative Chambers. Or attending to the tasks Mother and Lord Hades had for him. Or spending time with Megaera repairing the Underworld's and Death's image, who realized that Sisyphus broke a promise to Thanatos and placed him under the Furies' responsibility. There wasn't any time for him to be anything but Death Incarnate. That was what he was born to be!

Death Incarnate didn't expect his master's son to reach into the darkness of his feathered cocoon without hesitation and embrace him as he shuddered like a butterfly's wing. He tried to push him away. What if Lord Hades learned of this? The Prince should leave him alone. It'd be better for them both. Death Incarnate didn't have any friends. Not anymore.

"Then I'll be your friend, so you won't have to be alone! And that means after Mort comes back too, okay?! Because Mort's going to come back!" Zagreus wouldn't be persuaded. He clung tighter saying something about how sad Thanatos looked, and he wouldn't tell his father if he wanted to keep this a secret.

Thanatos stared at the wall behind the Prince of the Underworld, unsure what exactly he felt. The two of them would end up falling asleep in each other's arms, like Thanatos used to do near Hypnos before their respective duties separated them. He didn't feel as lonely when he woke up. And he had gained a reason to return to the House beyond work.

The memory had started so dark. Thanatos nearly thought he had somehow ruined this bottle, but as it continued, he realizes the comfort in the memory. Though drowned in sadness, it was the first time Zagreus had hugged him, and the first time Thanatos felt like someone saw past his role as Death Incarnate and the too heavy responsibility resting on his too young shoulders. Someone cared about him for what felt like the first time in a long while.

"It suits me because you gave it to me. You gave me an identity besides Death."

Thanatos never had the time to truly appreciate what Zagreus gave until he tried to escape. He could never give the attention to those he cared about. And now that he finally can without his duty getting in the way...

"Do you really want what you say? That we ought to take our time?"

He huffs, frustrated, at himself, at Zagreus, at these feelings he doesn't fully understand or know how to deal with.

"Because you really have no concept of which impulses to act upon and which to keep in check."

Thanatos isn't being pulled in every direction as mortals die. He doesn't have to cut short his time with Zagreus because of his job and role as Death Incarnate. He doesn't have to worry about Lord Hades deciding that he's had enough with him breaking his neutrality as Death, for getting involved.

"So let me ask you this..."

These tethers could snap at any moment. Thanatos could cease to exist upon returning home because there is no Life left. One of them could be on that platform, mindlessly walking forward without the other. His hands grip hard onto Zagreus because he feels like he could vanish at any moment. He tries to catch Zagreus's gaze, golden meeting red and green, as his voice trembles. He doesn't understand. Help him understand, Zagreus.

"... What are you waiting for? Wh-what are you waiting for? I'm here, already... right?"

Edited (More yearning!) 2022-02-08 18:16 (UTC)

"You've always had an identity besides Death. Sometimes you just... need to be reminded of it." The taste of Ambrosia still lingers in Zag's mouth, still warming his whole body even with the chill of the night air, still recalling little tiny memories of happy moments, mostly focusing around Than. (The first time they took on a demon gate together in Erda. The press of their bodies tightly curled into one another in his empty room on the Train. The time he was gifted Cerbie, the bravest and sweetest Cthonic Companion.)

The question Thanatos first asks startles him, interrupting his pleasant memory trip. The huff and implication laid against him of impulse control or lack thereof just throw him off even more. Has he insulted Than again, unknowingly? Before the panic can surge in him, Zagreus cuts off those thoughts in his mind, the Ambrosia still flowing through him bringing some clarity that is much-needed in this instance. Explaining himself comes so much easier, now, than it had in the past. Or maybe he'd just grown.

"I just... don't mean to push you, Than. I know all this is kind of a lot. And I wanted you to know..." Their shoulders touch as Zagreus leans forward, his voice low and gentle as the intimacy between them grows. "... this isn't some impulsive thing for me. I'll wait for you however long it takes." I love you. I love you. I love you. Every part of his body language is screaming it, even if he's not. The longing gazes, the lingering of each touch that makes it hard to pull away, the continued grip of their hands, everything declares I love you.

And then the second question escapes Than's lips, and it hits Zagreus somewhere deep down that makes him finally realize the truth of the matter. Thanatos wants him. Thanatos loves him too.

"Than...!" His face spreads into a grin, and his breath comes out in relieved laughter. "Hahaha, oh, you're right!"

Zagreus acts upon this impulse, releasing Thanatos' grip to rest both of his palms along Thanatos' jawline, thumbs brushing his immaculate cheekbones. He leans in, pressing an earnest, open-mouth kissed on the lips he's wanted to kiss for so long, drawing Thanatos into him with a fire that's been burning in him since long before the Train, now given name, now given form.

I love you, Than.

Zag, I'm here. I'm here!

Thanatos panics for a moment. How can he make it any more clear? He could try to initiate a kiss, but he's never done that before. How does pressing lips together become something pleasurable? What if he does it wrong and pushes Zagreus away? He could probably manage a forehead kiss if that didn't risk sending completely the wrong message. It's not what he wants though, won't satisfy the need to be closer. Won't satisfy the pounding of his heart sending his godly ichor coursing through his veins.

Then Zagreus gives that wonderful smile and laugh which could light up the Underworld and make it seem less of a place of death and stillness. He gives shy smile in turn. Their lips touch, and while Thanatos still doesn't know how to proceed (what he should do with his mouth, where he should he put his hands), he leans into the kiss. He closes his eyes. The feel of Zagreus's touch, his warmth upon him, threatens to overwhelm him, yet he relishes it.

For once in his life Thanatos is fully where he wants to be, in the moment, with nothing trying to steal his attention away.

I'm here. With you.

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The Waking of Neran

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