middleofsomewhere | Jema'grethy: Memory Cave

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Jema'grethy: Memory Cave

Passengers see a vision, an instance of someone's life, before just as suddenly - they find themselves inside a cave. It is light, a strange moss glowing on the walls and ceiling illuminates the cave nicely, and it is large enough for them to pace around in without trouble.

They're not alone. In the cave with them is another voidtrecker; maybe someone they know well, or maybe someone they've only seen in the aisles of the train. But they are together in this cave, and they will come to find out that it was one of their memories that the other witnessed. And them, one of yours.

The cave has no exit, at least not yet. They know that it will, eventually. When the time is right.

But for that time to come, they first must talk...

(OOC: Memories can be written either in this post or over here)

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None of this is unfamiliar to Alice.

Maybe the exception is the fact that she doesn't recall having gotten the first memory like this. She remembers how it went down last time around - the memory directly being blasted into her head when she got off the train, leaving it uncertain whose memory exactly it was, since she was watching it through their eyes.

But now she knows. If Timcampy hadn't been a dead giveaway, then Alice still would have known, thanks to the fact that she willingly entered this entire ordeal all over again. She just couldn't refuse Allen when he asked.

.. maybe she's just looking to fill up the hole that was left behind when her previous bond from this place was finally broken. And Allen, despite his faults, is someone she trusts. Someone she cares for.

And.. someone who had a whole lot of debt to pay, apparently, if the memory she just saw was anything to go by.

Not that the girl addresses it just yet. She instead blinks at the mossy light in the cave, looking over to find Allen. ".. Allen, are you alright..?"

Look, he's the one who's helping her out by bonding with her. The least she can do in return is ask that, especially when she isn't too sure what memory of hers he saw.

Allen could never be sure what to expect when he actually asked to do this. He had his reasons for doing it more as a way to show that she can trust him. That he will at least try and always be there even if he messes up royally and that in his own way he wanted to help.

But even he didn't expected what he just saw really and at the end of the day he felt a bunch of emotions at once. Anger and hate. Not at Alice but at the man he had seen. He was one of those people who would have been welcomed with open arms at the Order years previously.

But he felt other emotions to, he felt bad that Alice would have never been believed even though it was the truth. It made him mad for the same reason, but it did help a lot more with understanding why she was the way she was and why she was so sure that she was probably dead... A factor he had to remind himself to look into again once he knew what system he was meant to be looking for.

But for now he heard her speaking to him and it was enough to snap him out of his thoughts.

"... Uh... Ah... I'm fine. But... I really wanted to punch that guy." Mostly because he could never even think to kill someone in that way, but at the same time it was honestly understandable and justified. He would have just kept going on if nothing was done about it and it seemed like it had been the only way. Which while sad that there wouldn't be justice at least it meant no one else was hurt.

Just the one statement Allen makes her explains a whole lot to Alice. After all, it narrows down the events that Allen could have seen by a lot. Especially since she's pretty sure it must have been one of the men she knew in London, rather than in Wonderland. No matter how irritating Alice finds certain Wonderland residents, she doubts that Allen would get similarly irritated enough at them to say that.

So if it's men she knew in London, then.. well, there's only two it could be, right? Most likely Bumby, though it could be Radcliffe, since he didn't exactly always treat her kindly either.

"What did you see..?" Alice therefore asks, wanting just a bit more clarity before she says anything else.

Even with his memory still humming in the back of her mind - but she keeps it there for now, just so she can address it later as well.

Allen could still remember the memory pretty well, the feelings behind it the words that were exchanged and honestly the way he was feeling afterward. He had to take a small breath just briefly before he could even think of answering.

"There was a guy at a train station and you were confronting him, which lead to you... pushing him in front of a train."

That certainly answered the question she was asking at least.

".. ah, yes."

That immediately tells her what Allen just saw. It's a memory that's still very clear in her own mind as well, after all, making Alice slowly nods as she takes it in. It makes her wonder a little what Allen is thinking of it, since Alice can imagine some people judging her for the action she took at the very end there..

.. though a part of her definitely hopes Allen won't judge her too hard. After all, she cares for him, so she wouldn't want him to have such an unfavourable opinion of her.

"That is.. the last thing that happened before I ended up on the train. I walked out of the underground station, and that's when I found myself on the platform instead."

She sucks in a breath, before slowly exhaling. "That man was someone who abused many children, and tried to do the same to me as well."

Thinking of Bumby is still hard, even so much later, but she at least owes Allen this much of an explanation. Even if it is hard to talk about.

It was a tough one, but given the situation he understood why she did it. He would have gotten away scot free from what he was doing and more so he would of probably carried on, which while Allen is one to try and see the best in people with some exceptions mostly because dear lord that thing is annoying and creepy he could at least see that really....that person was probably never going to change.

He never personally would have gone that far, but he had some kind of understanding behind it. More so when he had been someone who had in his own way been abused before meeting Mana. Just in a very different way.

"So you did what you had to, right? Nothing else would have worked unfortunate in the type of worlds we came from." Advantage of knowing they were at least from the same time period and all even if they are from other worlds.

Thank god that Allen at least seems to get it. That's exactly why Alice did it - because no one would have believed her. If she had tried to report him to the police, those cops would just have locked her up instead of him. Despite the fact that she was the victim here.

So she nods.

"I.. was not sure if you would understand," she admits. It's a careful kind of admitting to it, since Alice doesn't like being so vulnerable, but she wants to be honest with Allen here.

It's important, if they're going to be poking around in each other's memories like this.

"But I am glad you understand. I know that other people might judge me for what I have done, but it was the only way to protect myself and all the children he hurt." She slowly shakes her head. "I am sorry that my memory was.. so much more intense compared to your memory I just saw."

Because it means Allen already had to go through more than she did, just by witnessing her last memory.

"As much as I am one who wants to try and help everyone... I have also learned that there might be some people who will just never change or never will get caught." SO he had to learn to understand with time, even with the way he was he at least could now see things in different ways.

But she mentioned it was a lot more intense than his and if he remembered this situation the last time they were here the memory he had shown another was about Bills...That stupid goat.

"Was it anything to do with me paying bills? I know that got shown to the last person I was in this with. It's that, training or eating." Because he legit didn't do much else before he found himself here really.

Alice nods again.

"That is the one."

Granted, it could be a different memory of him trying to deal with bills - but since the first memories that pop up seem to be from fairly soon before they were brought to the train, Alice figures that the amount of memories Allen has in that time that involve bills are..

.. well, let's say limited.

"Why did you have so many?" Alice can't tell if it's a normal amount for the world Allen comes from, but it seemed like quite a lot of bills to her. Which is why she's assuming that it must be more than the average person would have.

Allen wondered if it was in fact the one that had been shown to the other as well, but considering things... it could have been a completely different one to. He did have bills to pay to more than one person after all.

Allen soon sighed scratching the side of his cheek briefly. It was embarrassing to have to admit something as dumb as he was about it.

"A goat put me in debt because it could somehow forge signatures and as much as you can say that to debt collectors they ain't going to listen."

If this were any person but Alice, they might have questioned that story. After all, 'a goat put me in debt' is.. a fairly wild story.

But it's not like it'd be the first wild story she's heard about Allen, for one. And secondly, goat totally could have put people into debt in Wonderland. That's exactly the kind of place where that sort of thing would be normal, so Alice, who has spent most of her life there, doesn't even blink at it. She just believes him.

"You truly seem to get into trouble no matter where you go, don't you?"

Sorry, Allen. At least Alice doesn't sound intense about that, more just like she's making a regular calm observation.

(It's true though.)

He just couldn't help but laugh because unfortunately it was true.

"I mean yeah... Not like I want stuff to happen, but I just have bad luck I guess." At least being here there was no possible way of ever, ever getting into debt at least, so that was always something.

"But really that was the worst to happen to me in that world before I came here. Though I wonder if the memories this time will be the same as they were last time..." If the first one was he figured it might be the case, but he had no way to know. Deep down he had an ides of which ones he wanted to show though.

".. Why?" Alice asks, memories of goats and debts and bills momentarily disappearing to the back of her mind as a new train of thought starts to take over her mind. "Is there anything that you would be bothered by me seeing?"

After all, it's not like Allen doesn't know that Alice would see his memories. She knew it as well, the moment he offered to do this, the moment she agreed to forming a bond with him like this. Even though the end result of the bond might be pretty good, it doesn't mean that the memory process is always the easiest.

Alice remembers how it went for her the last time around, after all.

But with him bringing up the question of whether or not the memories would be the same, she can't help but wonder about the question she just asked.

"Why? Because I guess I am curious if the memories show repeat or not." It was a genuine curiosity due to what the first one was which given the time period is based on, he shouldn't be all that surprised about it.

But Allen could at least recall what his negative memory had been at the time. The day he had been told he was meant to kill someone close to him. The day Nea would fully take over.

He knew the person he shared that with was still around, but he couldn't remember if he had told anyone else that. But if it turned out they will be different then he had no idea what they were going to be working with.

"But the pattern at least is still the same so the positive should be the next one right?"

"I suppose so," Alice answers.

She isn't too sure if there would be a pattern to this - if not just because she's much more used to chaos than order at this point - but at least he's right in the sense that their initial memories seem very similar to how things went the last time around.

So the rest might be the same as well.

It doesn't answer her other question, but she's not sure in the first place whether Allen is consciously avoiding answering that or just got lost in his own thoughts - so she just drops it for now.

"It seems we can leave for now anyway," she adds, pointing at an exit that has opened for them. "It is likely that the next memory will show up tomorrow, if it truly is the same as things were last time around."

At least talking helped a little bit and he assumes they will find out tomorrow if his guess was actually correct or not. But he paused and soon clocked on that Alice had in fact asked another question, but he had focused solely on the first one.

"Oh, as for if I have memories I wouldn't want you to see. Yes, there are some, but not for the reason you might think." It wasn't a case of his own memories that hurt or anything like that, but the fact some of his memories contain memories of other people. That was not his place to share.

Ah, there it is. Alice didn't really expect him to give that answer anymore, so she pauses for a moment, seeming to need a moment to truly process what he's saying there.

".. What reasons do you think I might be thinking about?"

Because she has no reason as to what those reasons could be. His reasons for not wanting her to see them, the reasons he assumes she might have in mind.

"I do not have a single memory that I do not wish for you to see," she continues, showing her determination. It's not like her memories are usually pleasant, after all, and on top of that Alice wouldn't want to share them with most people.

But..

"I decided to trust you, after all."

That's the important part here. She can only hope Allen is doing the same, especially since they agreed to do this in the first place.

"I don't know. For most people I'd assume it was the whole it means I'm hiding something deal." Which yeah would be understandable to assume considering he knows he is prone to not talking about things.

But for him certain memories were just not his to share even if they are apart of his own memories to. But before he could add he, he found himself smiling slightly. It was nice to know he was actually trusted.

"Thank you... Even after what I just said as a reason. But for me it's a case of there are some memories I have... that have other peoples memories within. I would never want to share those as that is not my place. That is their memories I went into without permission."

And for Kanda there was a huge amount of guilt over that one because that happened to him twice. The one he saw and the time Undertaker saw his memories. The first wasn't his fault but the latter he always felt responsible for.

"I doubt this place would even bother showing those memories," Alice calmly points out.

If past experience is anything to go by, anyway. The memories this place plucks from their minds to put on display always seem to be centered around the owner of the memory, rather than said owner just witnessing a moment that's important to someone else..

Which means--

"So I doubt you have anything to worry about when it comes to the other memories it will still show us."

Because if Allen's only worry is her seeing memories that are not centered around him, and this place won't show those to her in the first place, it could only show her memories that he would be alright with.

".. Let's leave for now though. I don't like lingering in these caves for too long." Sure, the space might not be super tight, but being surrounded by walls on all sides like this does trigger Alice's claustrophobia a bit. Just enough to feel vaguely uncomfortable while she's lingering here.

As much as he is aware that it might be the case, he couldn't never be 100% sure considering memories and all in the first place. He could at least understand it might not, but he just thinks but what if?

But he nodded and there was a door so they could at least leave, so that was soemthing. Much quicker than the last time this happened also.

"Sure, after all sooner we leave the sooner I assume we'll end up back here again..." Which if the theme was running the way he assumed meant that it was at least going to be positive, so that was something.

But he moved to the door standing to the side of it. "Ladies first."

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Jema'grethy: Memory Cave

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cw: mention of child abuse

cw: mention of child abuse

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