middleofsomewhere | Jema'grethy: Memory Cave

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Jema'grethy: Memory Cave

Passengers see a vision, an instance of someone's life, before just as suddenly - they find themselves inside a cave. It is light, a strange moss glowing on the walls and ceiling illuminates the cave nicely, and it is large enough for them to pace around in without trouble.

They're not alone. In the cave with them is another voidtrecker; maybe someone they know well, or maybe someone they've only seen in the aisles of the train. But they are together in this cave, and they will come to find out that it was one of their memories that the other witnessed. And them, one of yours.

The cave has no exit, at least not yet. They know that it will, eventually. When the time is right.

But for that time to come, they first must talk...

(OOC: Memories can be written either in this post or over here)

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".. huh?"

Alice is still snapping out of the memory she, in turn, saw. It means that it doesn't even fully register with her at first that they are back in the cave once more, rather in that.. circus she was in a moment ago. (Was it a circus? It sure seemed like one, though it's a little hard to think about when her mind is trying to process both the memory and this new situation at the same time.

She blinks blearily once, twice, thrice-- and then shakes her head, trying to focus on the present moment as the memory settles into the back of her mind for a moment.

"You saw.. Wonderland?"

Well, it's not like it'd be out of the question. Alice had a whole lot of memories of that place, after all.

Though it's exactly the sheer amount of memories she has of that place that make it hard to guess what exactly he saw. Her friends? Which ones?

"What did you see?" She's pretty sure most Wonderland people are outlandish enough that she'd immediately know who Allen was talking about the moment he'd try to describe the people he saw..

"I believe so. I mean with a half lion, half eagle creature and one that is a half turtle, half cow. I can take a guess it's Wonderland."

So that at least answered who he saw in the memory at least. He didn't know who they were personally however, so that was something else.

"As for what I saw...it was something about lobsters."

See, there they go. All Allen has to do is say those few things, and Alice immediately knows what the other saw. Especially with that latter mention, and those two being together.. It must have been a memory from when she was younger, before Wonderland got all twisted in the first place.

"Yes, those are the Gryphon and the Mock Turtle. I know them well."

.. even though she sure hasn't seen them in a long time now, huh. She's been on the train for such a long time now, away from Wonderland..

"I believe you saw the time when I met them, back when I was much younger. They wanted to teach me the Lobster Quadrille."

"The...lobster quadrille." Even with that memory did ALlen understand. Not at all. Would he ever understand? Always possible but one can never be certain at least, but ti was something they perhaps needed to talk about much like they had to the previous time as well.

"Considering this was a happy memory or a positive one at least I assume you enjoyed learning about it, or was it the fact you were in the company of friends?"

"It was.."

Alice starts on her explanation, but before she even fully finishes that sentence, she instead lets it trail off. She's thinking about it in this moment. That memory was doubtlessly a good one to her, but why exactly? The girl stares into the distance, at a wall of the cave they're in, seeming to think.

It's a little hard to recall. That moment was so long ago, it almost feels like a different lifetime to her. A time during which she was still innocent, practically an entirely different person than she is now.

But as she tries to think about what she must have felt in that moment, the only thing she can conclude is..

".. It was just simple fun. They were so enthusiastic about something that made no sense at all to me. It made me curious, yet amused."

To Allen simple fun was at least enough to make sense as to why it was such a positive memory for her compared to what he had seen previously and what probably was going to be next for them.

It was the little things that can be treasured.

"Because they were so enthusiastic it made you amused. I am sure you looked adorable then with a look of happiness as you wanted to find out more or something."

He was at least being genuine with his wording, even if it could also come across as a slight tease.

She huffs. "Alright, let us not start to fall into 'adorable' territory."

Please, Allen, you can't use that word about her. Not even about the younger her! Alice knows that that younger version of her technically was adorable since she was there on the train before, but she still refuses to stand here and be called the a-word.

In fact, if there's anything that could want to steer this around from her memory to his, it's that.

Just to avoid being called cute again.

"Besides, you have not even asked yet what I saw! I saw you.. performing, I believe. Together with someone else."

"Do you not liked to be called adorable?" The answer was obvious of course, but he felt like in hat moment it was accurate she probably was adorable as a kid he liked to think unlike the way he was for a short time.

After that though he was a perfectly cute kid.

But it seemed like she wanted to avoid him saying something like that again and he understood, even if internally he will never stop thinking it.

"Must be Mana, but I performed with him many, many times so I actually don't know which one that might be about." Basically he wondered if it was that one time he performed of sorts when he didn't really during his time at the worst place on earth or was it another time altogether.

Thinking about it, he could at least answer that one with one simple question.

"Did I wear a costume? That actually might narrow it down a bit."

Of course the answer to that is obvious! So obvious that Alice doesn't even bother answering it, since she's pretty sure Allen also knows the answer to that question, and is just asking her to be cheeky!

And she doesn't give cheeky questions a respectable answer, thank you very much.

"I think it was your first performance."

There, at least that question does get an answer from her. Since it's a normal one compared to the adorable question.

"Since you seemed really confused as to what was going on at first. And you were performing together with some.. clown." Look, it's not even 'clown' being used as an insult here.

That was a literal clown, Alice is pretty sure.

He had expected her to not answer him at all, he understood fully. She didn't like it even though he didn't see why being called adorable as a child was a bad thing, he had somewhat done it to be cheeky. But he understood Alice was very much a complex person that he could never fully understand even after knowing certain aspects of her awful past.

So when the subject was back onto him, he knew to leave it at that.

"Then that was not a performance." He was quick to answer as to him he never really did much during that time. He just sat there if he was perfectly honest. "At least on my part, I was more pulled into it by Mana and I just sat there." While at the same time being absolutely amazed at the whole thing.

"That was also at the circus which that was one of the few good memories I got from that place."

Alice won't get into semantics as to whether it was his performance too or not - especially since Allen is right. From what she could see in that memory, it really did seem like he was dragged into it. It didn't look like it's something he voluntarily would have been a part of..

.. Allen was already really stubborn, even when he was younger, huh.

"Then it is a good thing you were dragged into it that one time, right? At least it gave you a good memory." Since with the way Allen spoke of his past before - even without all the details, it just didn't sound like he had a very good time when he was young in general.

So that makes every slight moment that was good even more important.

"You seemed impressed in the memory, either way." From what Alice could see.

"Yeah...I mean I was still surprised I was even allowed to." With being disliked and for some reason the ringmaster never really let him out he was surprised when it was allowed.

He could only imagine the reasoning behind the why. It could also have been because of just popular Mana had been compared to one asshole that eh would much ratehr forget if he could.

"I was honestly. I didn't understand it. But it was beautiful which coming from the circus where you had a lot of hatred made worse is alcohol was involved, abuse mostly at me and just overall not a great place. To have something even for a moment of something beautiful was nice."

Yes, that.. does sound about right for the parts of Allen's life she did hear about. And it's not even too surprising to Alice that he was treated that way. It's how she saw so many children being treated back in London, after all - Allen's past would fit right in with what is happening to kids out there.

It makes her so relieved that things are at least a little better for him now. Maybe still not perfect, because being stranded on the train never is, but it's at least better than that.

"I am sorry you could only have so few precious moments in your memories, Allen."

Even if she knows it's how reality often is, it means Alice can still feel sorry. People should be able to have better lives, somehow. Jerks should stop trampling all over the lives and childhoods of good people.

Allen if he stopped to really think about it would realise that he did have a pretty bad life, but for him he preferred to remember the more positives as those were the memories he kept with him when dealing with the bad things.

"It's fine, the good ones really make up for the shitty ones. Besides... those at the circus can no longer hurt me or anything anyway."

They couldn't exactly hurt him anymore and he moved past that years ago.

".. It is strange though," Alice slowly says.

Not necessarily in response to what the guy is saying here, but.. well, it's something she can't help but think about in this moment. Her thoughts are still lingering on the memory she saw, after all, and when she compares it to the memory Allen apparently saw.. It does feel weird.

"Why would this cave show me that memory of yours, out of everything? After all, it does not seem like that circus really carries any good memories for you."

"That's because this isn't about the circus, it's about Mana." He can see them as two separate things because Mana was never at the circus from the beginning he was a travelling performer after all.

"I think because I cared so much about him, any memory with him is positive and special. Even... during the bad times when his mind started to go." He looked down a hint of guilt going across his face as he thought about it a bit more.

"Do you know where my name came from? Before Mana I was just named Red, but... Mana called me Allen... thinking I was his pet dog who had been killed while at the circus. I did try and correct him, but... considering I caused the problem he had, I took the name out of guilt, which is another story."

Alice is quiet in the face of that.

Mostly because she isn't sure what to say here, not exactly. It's always difficult to navigate moments like these when her own mind and past are such a mess as well, after all..

It leaves her biting her lower lip a little as she thinks, glancing at the cave walls around them.

"Is that something you want to talk about?"

The words almost echo a little against the walls, but Alice doesn't leave it at that.

"Do not misunderstand. I am not asking that because I want to know, and am afraid to ask." Please, she's nosy, but not that nosy.

.. most of the time.

"I am asking it because I want to know whether you might feel better by talking about it, or by not talking about it."

That's the crux of the question. Alice just wants to make sure Allen doesn't walk out of this feeling miserable, and she's not sure if he'd feel even worse by talking about it more, or if he'd feel more relieved by throwing it out there. Allen can be unpredictable in little ways like these, and Alice isn't entirely sure which one it would be in his case.

Was it something he wanted to talk about? Honestly it had been something he never talked about. Mostly because Allen had always been rather quiet about his past unless it's forced for the most part.

But the question for him was more would he want to talk about it here, or outside of the cave? The answer seemed obvious due to the kind of place this was. Might not let him out until he talks about it.

"Honestly, if I do talk about it I would have rather been somewhere that isn't the cave."

"Well.. We could save it for later. You did talk about your memory already, after all."

And Alice doubts this place is annoying enough to want more than that. It seems that just talking about the memory has sufficed so far, after all - and the same thing happened last time around too.

It's not like she will force him to speak about anything specific he doesn't want to talk about either.

"This place should be satisfied with just that."

"It should be, though does a part of you kinda dread the next one. Like I did this internally, but last time it was a negative one..."

If there was ever a time to not look forward to something, it was clearly that. For Allen he probably had more bad memories than actual good ones, so for him it could be anything and probably going to be awful. But if it was anything like the first time it might just be the time he got told he was going to kill someone.

Either way not going to be the most fun time, but one that is very much needed. "That will probably be the hardest for both of us to talk about."

There's a very, very brief moment where Alice doesn't answer, glancing down at her shoes for a moment. But she's quick to redirect her gaze back to Allen, and then pulls her shoulders up into a shrug.

"It should be doable."

If this was the first time talking about her past.. then sure, she may feel uncomfortable with it.

But circumstances have led to her already talking about her past to plenty of people on the train, Allen included, so she doubts there could be anything that new. It will probably be the same hurt she is already very much familiar with at this point.

"We have done this before, have we not?" Sure, it was a long time ago, the first time they shared memories with other people in this cave, but still.. "We can do it again. Talking about those things will not kill us."

At least there's that.

Allen hadn't been one to open up unless forced to for one reason or another, this had been the first time for him that he was actually open by himself rather than once again being forced.

It should be easy enough for this reason, but a apart of him just worries about what it could be. There were after all some memories that were much easier to talk about than others, others were still and can be painful.

But it was for a good cause, so he would at least try.

"I think we can go this time now. Until tomorrow, of course."

Alice nods, and then repeats: "Of course."

This won't be over until they've seen all three memories, after all, if last time was any indication. She gestures over in the direction of the door that has appeared, and if Allen follows her, she walks over it to let them leave for today.

They'll see tomorrow what memories that day will bring to them that time around.

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Jema'grethy: Memory Cave

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