middleofsomewhere | [OVERFLOW] Event: Healing Waters

"Yeah."

Roland offers quietly, a dangerous edge creeping into his voice once more. The tension returns full force, traveling up his spine, settling into his broad shoulders. He pats the hand that holds Inigo's twice before settling back into his own grip, tightly pressing one over the other in a quiet fidget. He takes his time answering Inigo, wondering how best to put it without alarming him. His brows furrow when Roland finally finds his voice.

"Nita was there too. Did you see her?" He says, steadily. "She and two others saw the memories of the previous group of void missionaries. The previous Voidtreckers. I think that might be why we had to go through this. Maybe. The endgame was for someone to see those memories in particular." He swallows thickly. "I asked to see them myself. So Nita shared them with me."

He shakes his head, about to say that no, he hasn't seen Nita--

But then Roland continues. And although the content of his words isn't all that bad, Inigo knows there's something bad about it. The hints to it aren't hidden in the words, but rather in the tiny ways Roland behaves right now. That odd tension about him.

Something about those memories is bad. Inigo knows without Roland needing to say it.

So Inigo pipes up with, "And they were bad." A serious look falls upon his face. If it's something that upset Roland, then he wants to take it as seriously as possible. His gaze doesn't leave the other's face even for a moment. "They upset you."

Why else would Roland be this tense? Worse than Inigo has ever seen him before. Nothing else would make sense.

"...They did." Enough to unnerve him to the point where he couldn't contain part of his emotions from Nita. He couldn't stop himself from the barrage of pain he's kept gated and shut away for so long. Even now, beside Inigo, Roland may look the part of calm and collected if only slightly shaken by the events on the top of the mountain, but he's still scrambling to regain the part of him that was forced to open up his fears, forced to be seen even when he's never wanted to show anyone his pain. He takes a moment to breathe steadily before glancing at Inigo, watching him carefully with concern.

To fulfill his promise to this boy, he had to think about the grand scheme of things too. He wouldn't stand for it, not now when he knows. He wasn't about to let this train take more from them; the road to hell was paved with good intentions, after all. He blinks, breaking eye contact before speaking. It's all Roland can say now, as he lingers in the darkness.

"There was a wipeout." He says, quietly, hushed under his breath. "Among the casualties of that incident which destroyed the original Voidtreckers and their home planet...only two Purple team members survived." Roland's eyes fixate on a particular spot on the ground. "Nita and Enna, who saw the same memory, are in the belief that the train we're riding today is a manifestation of the Voidtreckers of past. Or something to that extent. Like its alive. Sentient."

He sighs tiredly. He won't voice these thoughts out in particular, but all Roland can promise everyone - Inigo included - is that when the time comes for him to play his part, he would without question. I'm not letting history repeat itself. Not if I can do something about it. All he needs to do is to take a look back at Inigo one more time, eyes softening in fondness. A child at heart he was, indeed...

Inigo brushes off the part about the train being sentient for now. It's a discussion he's often edged near to with Nita, and it doesn't feel as important - and definitely not right now. Because Inigo really doubts that that is the part of all of this that bothers Roland, especially when you take into consideration what the man says before it. Only two people surviving of the entire purple team.

And Roland is a current leader of the purple team. And not just a leader in this place - back home too. It must mean he takes the responsibility even more seriously than some other leaders here might. Of course Roland would look off with the weight of the lives of everyone on the purple team on his mind. Both Inigo and Tidus are on it too, after all-- and who's to say how many more people who Roland deeply cares about.

Inigo stares at him, all quiet and big-eyed, before he slowly exhales.

".. It's okay." He gently takes a hold of Roland's arm, latching his own arms around it to cling to it. Then he leans against it sideways, letting his head rest against the other's shoulder. "I mean, it's awful that that happened.. but we're not going to let that happen again. We're in all this together, after all."

Maybe this is exactly where Inigo's weird duality comes from - the adult and the child at the same time. Because there is a part of him that innocently does want to believe in that. Because surely no one with good intentions or teamwork could ever perish. But at the same time, he knows - through lived experience, no less - that that is just not true.

But even with that inner struggle, Inigo would never want to outwardly project anything but what he's saying right now. Especially when Roland seems like he could not use any more negativity at this point. He just softly smiles, in case Roland casts a sidelong glance at him.

"I sure am not worried about it in the slightest with our fearless leader around."

He swallows thickly, still as a statue even when Inigo's embrace jolts the cold out of him. Fearless leader? Him? What did he even know about leading, he wonders to himself? Why would anyone want Roland to lead anything? Ichigo saw it for himself. The nuke that sealed his country's fate. Would a fearless leader have allowed such a tragedy? Somewhere along the way, the young, scrappy little president who was elected too soon made mistakes, angered enemies, to the point where one of them thought it better to incite a nuclear war than to deal with talks of peace and unification. A button was all it took to end it, and now here he was again, wondering to the fates how much more he had to give before he could earn the right to know what became of his beloved home.

And if anything else happened to these people - all innocent, some defenseless children, and the boy hugging him now, the one he has come to care about as his own...If one thing should come to hurt them, any of them, what would he do then? Fearless leader? What a joke. He didn't know enough. He had to work more. Even more.

Roland lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding. It's heavy and deep. He leans his head to the side, resting against Inigo's tiredly, the weight so heavy it was crushing him as he speaks.

"Well, you're right about one thing." He says, his smile dull and wanting. "Glorfindel is a pretty fearless elf. He's been through it all, you know." So he'll know what to do. "I'll put in the work for everyone. The people kidnapped to ride this train didn't do anything wrong. They shouldn't have to deal with stakes this high, not without a say in it."

He inhales sharply, before breathing out again. Steadying, certain and sure. Regaining his center where he might have lost it. The weight of his head is still atop Inigo's, eyes closing slowly.

"Sorry. I'm rambling."

Or better yet, deflecting.

"No, you're not rambling." Inigo speaks up. Softly. He doesn't even move, as if he wants Roland to be able to let that weight rest on him, like he's worried the other may move if Inigo moves just a tad too much. "You're just not listening to me."

It's said softly though. It may be an accusation, but it's not angry, or disappointed. It's more just a statement of fact, lined with something oddly fond.

After all, Inigo knows Roland is deflecting. It takes one to know one, after all. Roland's words might just mirror perfectly how Inigo would have answered if anyone had angled what Inigo himself had said at him instead.

".. But that's okay. I know it's.. hard. To just accept it when other people say nice things about you." Oh boy, does he ever. "Just.. know, okay? I have faith in you. And I don't mean to put pressure on you by saying that. I just mean to say that I have faith in you because I know that if times would get tougher, or even dire.. You would follow your heart. Your inner strength. Those are things I know I can rely on."

I have faith in you.

You would follow your heart. Your inner strength.

He closes his eyes gently, willing away the dark. It always follows him, the further away he is from the life he's already settled on; the life he's come to know. Evan held the light, but Roland? He was always one step away, watching, mentoring, but never reaching the sun quite fully. That wasn't his job. He doesn't even know how. The self-doubt, knowing what he does about the home he's failed...he says inwardly, but it's a thought that permeates his very soul. You shouldn't have so much faith in me. I don't exactly have the best track record. Evermore aside.

But even then. Even still.

He just pats Inigo again, reassuring him that he hears those words, and he appreciates them all the same.

"Thank you," he rasps out, a small smile on the corner of his mouth. "I'll continue to work hard to...keep your trust. And everyone else's." He holds what he can of Inigo for a moment, like an anchor to weigh him down, before Roland lets go.

"...We should start heading down. Don't you think?" He throws him a sideways glance, smile still present. They have had enough of this mountain, this island and all its memories. They've earned their rest.

".. Yeah," she slowly answers. Then Inigo stands up, moving to idly pat the dust off his pants - mostly just to give him something to do while he's thinking, hesitating. He knows what he wants to ask here, and technically Roland did already offer it himself by saying 'we', but.. with how Inigo is, especially at the moments he feels insecure, he can't help but want to make sure.

"Can we.. Can we go down together?" It feels dumb now he's saying it out loud. The words feel childish, and he glances away from Roland in shame. "It's just-- Tidus went to Yuna, and Taiki to lord Gyousou.. And I saw Gerome heading down by himself earlier." Before Inigo had been able to stop him to ask how he was doing. "And I'd rather not go back by myself.."

Roland throws him an affectionate expression, one that reads, You'd ask something like that? Isn't it a given?, but there isn't an ounce of shame. Inigo is strong, kind, but he's still growing into himself. Still finding his footholds. The heart of a child he's been drawn to protect since the moment he saw his tears. And so without a word, Roland's smile grows a tad bit wider before he extends his open hand for Inigo to hold.

"You and me both, pup. Come on."

Roland doesn't need an explanation. Inigo asks of him, so he will follow and stay.

Edited 2020-09-23 09:57 (UTC)

It's brief and small, but there's definitely a hint of a bashful reaction when he spots that look. Because Inigo can read exactly into it, knows what Roland is trying to say without a word. And maybe it's dumb that he can't help but feel insecure, can't help but worry that maybe Roland has more important things to do, or other people to help out, they're such a big group after all and Inigo is only one person and not even an important one at that--

But he tries to let it go for now. There's no use worrying about so much when Roland's hand is right there in front of him.

So Inigo tries to push it out of his mind, and instead takes the hand, this time giving Roland a small smile as he looks back at the other.

"Okay. Let's go."

[OVERFLOW] Event: Healing Waters

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