Adventure On!

[voidtreckermods]

"Good Morning passengers. Today is day six of the month of Horseshoe." The voice echoes through the train as passengers wake up in their beds. Not long afterwards their SCA’s glow with the colour of the void and a holographic image will appear.

Preparation

The dressing room is indeed open as promised. The dressers and wardrobes are full of many different clothes. Shirts, tunics, skirts, dresses, robes, cloaks, leggings and even an array of fancy hats.

The cloaks are notable in that they look like standard fantasy cloaks but are completely waterproof, much like a modern jacket and they will keep them warm and dry. There are also a good selection of furs for those travelling into the tundra as well as some leather armour, both for protection against monsters and fire.

There are an array of tents- in more neutral colours, a lot simpler than the tents they have used before as well as some basic pots and pans for cooking. There are a range of bags and pouches for carrying any essentials!
They are a few hours before arrival and so there is plenty of time to prepare before the announcement. "Shortly arriving on world 5382110341. All passengers get ready to disembark. Next stop world 5382110341. Exit from void in ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one."

Arrival: Royal Lake Hill

The train jolts and shudders as it leaves the void. It descends quickly and lands with a small bump. The doors open, it is a bit of a jump from the train to the ground but they land on soft grass. Anyone looking back at the train will find it almost not there… Unless they focus very hard it will seem just like a shimmer in the air, passengers jumping from nowhere.

They are a short walk from what seems like a small town, surrounded by walls. The gates are manned but the large group of people only get a quick glance before they are nodded in.

They get a few curious glances as they enter the town proper. It is not exceptionally busy, indeed everyone out and about are older or small children, who dart around unafraid of the strangers, staring openly at times.

A market place spans the square, predominately selling food, stalls are actually small huts, the front part open to the street for custom and a back room that is presumably used for sleeping. Some, like the blacksmiths are more solid with multiple rooms.

Each voidtrecker will have a dot on the map on their SCA showing them to the inn that their team should head towards. If they ask around they will learn that there is indeed a call to for adventurers at three of the town’s inns and they are to report there in early evening. As it is still early morning they have almost the whole day to explore, enjoy being in a town full of people and, for those who are keen, earn some spending money.

Whatever they end up doing with their day it is obvious when evening is approaching by the stalls beginning to be packed up, the streets quieting as people went home for their dinners. The inns are easy enough to find, even for those that didn’t find them earlier in the day.

Orange

Recruitment

Ducks in a Bucket is at the western gate. It is quiet, usually a tavern used by adventurers, the custom has dried up with all the adventurers protecting the kingdom. It is filled with large wooden tables and sturdy stools, not a fine dining establishment in any way but it has a friendly air to it.

Not long after they arrive a woman in a long cloak arrives. "I am here to hire adventurers. You will be aware, I am sure, of the blight storm that hit the kingdom. Many people across the land have been effected. Many areas are out of the crystals needed to restore those who have been blighted and there are rumours the army is in short supply as well. We require you to travel to the Singing Woodlands to harvest the crystals from the calla lilies that grow there. I have an image if it is needed."

Here she takes out a small scroll and passes it around, it is a painting of a simple, dark purple calla lilie.

"The huma have agreed to transport the collected crystals to the areas that need it. Unfortunately the land itself has been blighted and has become unstable, floating into the air. We can provide you each with two flight potions to help you travel up into the woodlands."

She holds out a bag to pass around, there are exactly enough potions for each person to take two despite the face she couldn’t possibly have known who was going to turn up to head the call.

"Please be warned that transportation magics have not been working in blighted areas and so you will be taken to the ground below. If you accept this quest please get ready to gate."

A moment later there is a flash of light and any who want to will vanish from the tavern.

Arrival

They will arrive on a grassy verge, in front of them is a canyon of dirt. If they look up they will see the land that should be filling it. In chunks the forest is floating on a series of islands stretching high up into the clouds.

Many of the islands feel too high to reach in ten minutes but there are a couple of lower ones that might be good places to aim for.

The potion works swiftly, making those who drink it feel lighter, all they need to do is jump and they are floating, moving in the air is easy, they can walk up as if on a ramp or swim through the air currents if they are feeling a bit more adventurous.

The islands themselves are teeming with life, plants of all kinds grow there and as they reach the lower islands they will see the huma birds and hopefully spot some of those calla lilies.

Purple

Recruitment

The Lion's Mane is the largest tavern in town. It has some customers, sitting in groups and drinking. There is a musician in the corner playing a lively tune and sat on a central table is an official looking man with a scroll case and a worried expression.

"Anyone." He cleared his throat, "Anyone who has come to be hired… As an adventurer please gather around. Now. Now. Can everybody hear me? Yes? Right. Well I am sure as you know the blight… Yes? Yes! Well there are some clusters of villages up near the dusty rivers, I can show you on this map..."

He unfurls a scroll, which shows a large expansive land mass. He points to an area in the far west. "They have a golem problem, their own golems that is. Turned on them." He shook his head, "Crystal magic, very susceptible to blight. They need some help, clear the area, purify the crystals. That sort of thing. You’ll probably be there a few days."

He rolled up the scroll. "I can’t gate you into the villages, earths all blighted. But I can get you close."

He did a quick head count. "If you don’t accept the mission please step back. Ready?"

He opens a gate, a few gates, and everyone who accepts vanishes from the tavern.

Arrival

They arrive in a small clearing in a wood. It is quiet, with not even the sound of birdsong. Trees are all around them though anyone checking their SCA will see that the village is indeed close.

A moment later there are footsteps, a young boy, no older than ten bursts into the clearing. He reels backwards at the figures, surprised to see them but then seems to realise that they are, for the most part, human.

"Quick! Come quick! The village!"

He turned on his heal and heading no call ran back the way he came. For those that follow the route leads them through thick overgrowth, there is clearly an easier way, to a small village.

A small village with a large golem and a large troll stomping through it. People are cowering in houses or behind walls as the troll swings its club back and forth, smashing things in its wake.

Red and Blue

Recruitment

The final tavern is The Thrice Struck Tree. It is small, dark and has a heavy air to it. There are a couple of customers, sat silently with mugs of ale in front of them. They give the voidtreckers suspicious glances.

They may wonder if they are in the wrong place but after a few moments a young woman in a smart looking uniform, dark blue tunic, shiny boots, enters. "Adventurers? I am captain Sienna of Irivar’s third guard. We have reports coming from the southern lands. The blight has depowered the crystals separating the frozen tundra from the fire lands. A disaster could occur if the are not recharged. They must be taken into the central fire mountains heart. It is a fair journey and the crystals must be carried. Please, for those that known the secrets of it do not attempt to place the crystals into the spaces between for easier transportation, it would be disastrous." She gave them a serious look before continuing.

"Furthermore the creatures of the area are reporting that the Glacial Sovereign has not been seen since the blight hit." She shook her head, looking worried. "You must find their guardians, the crystal wolves and attempt to regain contact with the sovereign." She paused again.

"Both the sprites of ice and fire have been corrupted by the blight and the area is very dangerous. I can gate you to the border and from there you must split, please decide amongst yourselves who is best to journey into fire and who is suited to the cold. I will give you a moment to be ready."

It is indeed only a moment before she opens the gate. Any who choose to travel will vanish from the tavern.

Arrival

They arrive in a strange place indeed. To the east there is black rock, lava streams and mountains billowing with smoke. To the west is white, icy bridges connecting land and glaciers. Far in the distance there is what seems to be a swirling mass of snow.

And right where they are is… a mess. Melted ice and frozen ash mixed together into a slippery sludge that sticks to their shoes and makes movement interesting.

But movement may be necessary as it seems their gate has taken them to a place surrounded by two packs of fire dogs and a few regular wolves. All look surprised at the sudden influx of people but it doesn’t take them long before the blighted creatures move in to attack.

Splitting

Once they are safe from wolves and dogs the teams can split. The crystals red need to collect are obvious, set out at even distances from each other. Red team are to head east, into the volcano range, Blue are to head west into the tundra.

Good luck void warriors!

Comments

[blitzcheer]

Tidus takes the drink, though in a reluctant exchange, slower to concede with himself and to take off its cap to consume any. About half while Roland speaks over the details--always easily falling into business, nothing else to be spoken about.

And maybe Tidus can play along better this time, if with his gaze keeping elsewhere, like a deliberate survey of their surroundings.

"Red sounds fine. I ended up with Blue, but other than Red losing two leads... I trust Light," is all he has to say to that. Red did it without the other two before, and they can do it again. "Blue doesn't have a lot of fighting. There's just some cages around and the storms being made by sprites. We've dodged out of the way of most of 'em. Bigger worry I have is whatever we're gonna find on the mountain. Most of the group is kids. Sure, one or two have powers, but the rest are just...children."

And that gets a grimace out of him, whether noticeable in the darkening late day. There'd be so many of them in danger if they had to get in a fight, and who knew how well they could keep them safe if a fight broke out?

[adregem]

Roland was on the comms when Red lost two of their leads, jumping about trying to do a scope on Purple at the same time. Still, he's glad to hear Lightning's got it covered, and while he doesn't voice it out, he trusts Light just as much for reasons he will keep to himself.

At the mention of Blue's mission, Roland grows steadily more serious. "The kids? They didn't stay on the train?" He's already met two of them - one of which received presents from the man himself. Roland looks away, matching Tidus's expression. "Alfredo too? And his best friend, Romeo?"

Not for the first time does this particular worry cross Roland's mind. It was one thing to be a child that could wield a sword and do magic, such that Evan himself could be a force to be reckoned with despite his youth. But he's met both of those kids on Blue and he knows for a fact they still need protection.

The mysteries of the train continue to frustrate Roland to no end.

"I gave my higgledy to Galo for the Blue mission," he says, eager to help. Always ready to find a solution. "Bambosh is the type that can summon smaller ones that can help in a pinch. If needed, ask him to have those higgledies follow the kids around."

[blitzcheer]

"Sure." Is this the time to bring up about the higgledy? 'Did you ask it to follow me around?' But that sounds paranoid, or at the very least downright weird. How would Roland have known he was going with Blue when he told him he was going with Red every time they spoke? There's a small pause as Tidus thinks, returns his thoughts to the kids and protecting them.

"I know this isn't a good time for it, but the shops have stuff we can use. They have flasks you can throw, fire, all kinds of items. They don't have many swords, but... if we can get some money..."

Ah- he looks at Roland then as a thought comes. "Can you ask Webs if there's anything she can make? Maybe a few potions, more with her thread. Just-- stuff we can sell. And anyone else."

[adregem]

He listens, follows that train of thought. The idea comes fast given they were standing beside a dead troll; Roland looks down and gestures to the clubs laying lamely on the ground. "Get these." He says, simply, a hand waved towards the discarded weapons.

"The Arms Band can handle them so you don't need to carry it." Which he only knows since he did the same with Della, but that wasn't for sale. "Sell them as proof that you slayed five trolls. They'll get you a hefty penny for more supplies up in the mountain."

And then it occurs to Roland -

"Is that why you came back here? Are you all running low?" There's a lilt of worry at the end, too quick to jump to the gun. But that was something he was having a harder and harder time to control, these days.

[blitzcheer]

Tidus catches the motion made to the weapons, only figuring a second after that he means the clubs, not the trolls. Waiting on the explanation that (thankfully) eventually comes. They'd get money for those? If that was the case...

'Is that why you came back here? Are you all running low?'

The sudden rise in concern surprises Tidus, or rather, the question. It shouldn't, naturally, but he looks at Roland, darts back away--with a different kind of shame at play, but not one he'll keep quiet about.

"I came for my own reasons." As bad as that'd be to tell a Team Lead, or a friend of Spider's, but- "But since I'm here, I'm helping out. And I'm looking out for Blue Team too."

...but really, it was closer to the first. It was just easy to throw on every other excuse.

[adregem]

"I see." Roland replies, understanding that he's not going to say more than that. And Tidus doesn't need to, for Roland was just happy to see him in one piece. That's all he's ever really been thankful for since that day...He throws him a smile just the same.

"Well, I'm glad your timing was as good as it was. That could have gotten dicey for me real fast." He adds. Confident as he is, five trolls isn't something he can just wave off like it was easy. "Go ahead and collect the clubs. Let me go look for your blitzball and pipe."

Roland turns around just to scope, troll bodies laying scattered and limp all over the proximity. At least the village was safe, and they were clear of surprise golem appearances on this route. He walks over to one of the creatures, bending by the knees to check if they had accidentally pinned Tidus's gear underneath their rotund bodies.

[blitzcheer]

Please don't crush his blitzball.

Tidus scavenges the motionless bodies of their clubs. It's creepy to do, like they might jump back up or grab at his ankles, and Tidus hurries along with the thought--no matter how unlikely it was to happen. He remembers the direction he had thrown both the ball and pipe though, noting the body Roland was checking and pointing to the farthest body. "It was that one!"

But he's making his way other too, to investigate. Just not wanting to leave the guy looking at the potential wrong corpse to rummage around. He doesn't see the pipe, but he spots the blitzball easy with its blues and and whites, jogs over to grab it.

And maybe takes his grab to actually retrieve it, just to escape the potential...awkward that might just be his to suffer.

[adregem]

Roland looks back and nods, lightly jogging to reach the farthest troll. Eventually, they're side by side as Tidus moves himself, and while he spots his beloved ball faster than Roland, there is a glint in the slowly descending daylight that catches his eye. The steel pipe is laying underneath chest of a fallen troll, the one that charged them both at the same time. He grimaces as both his hands tug at the pipe; one foot pushing the shoulder of the monster away without much finesse as it finally loosens and lets the pipe go.

He pauses. Is it still alive? Still moving? A few seconds pass, and nothing. It's fine. Everything is fine. Calm down.

Roland dusts the pipe off with a downwards slash before he turns back to Tidus.

"You know, you can borrow that first if you want. I imagine it might be better to help with protecting Blue." The kids. Roland nods at his sword, if it was still out or even if it disappeared back into his own Arms. But the pipe is returned, regardless, an extra weapon just in case.

[blitzcheer]

He wonders if he should accept the weapon, when there's not been anything in particular needing a sword that isn't better suited for his magic. But even so, he likes the feel of it, of having it; holding a weapon and actually having the sense he's equipped than being without. So whatever might be more sensible or logical or whatever, Tidus looks at the blade with the tilt of his wrist to turn it into view.

"...Thanks," he ends up saying, and with the pipe going into his other hand, his blitzball already gone, both of the weapons - though the pipe was less weapon, more... object - disappearing into nowhere.

"Do they keep attacking into the night? Or should everything be fine?" A good and easy question to ask and distract from any other subject that might crop up. Ears listening for their surroundings, but nothing standing out.

[adregem]

"Depends." Roland answers simply at first, noticing that all the clubs assigned to each troll that had fallen were now, gone. Tidus works fast. "The golems themselves were made to protect the villages before the blight, so they follow a particular patrol route. Some are a bit smarter and are hiding out, so we have to seek them out when there's sunlight to spare. As for them..." He kicks lamely at the closest, the tip of his boot hitting the breadth of its back.

"Thankfully, they do nest. But the blighted animals are less reserved. They see any sign of life, and attack they go. Day or night."

Which is really just a nicer way of saying everyone had to go on constant rotation spread across all six, to make sure someone well-rested could lead the night brigade against the terrors of the dark. "...We can't let up. There are kids in the villages too." His gaze drops somewhat, remembering the central area where they congregate. "They're blighted so they need supervision as much as possible."

[blitzcheer]

It reminds Tidus of Gyueran, but most of all, it makes him feel bad for the state of the villages. The state of the kingdom. And maybe there's some guilt, like he should be helping out--when trudging through snow and not fighting wasn't as important, though there were kids and the others there who needed to be watched. There had to be something important to their task.

But then there was the reality, of how long he was going to be able to help. Minding that fact as he offers, "I can try helping out, for a while longer. I guess magic's no good for anyone suffering from the blighted?"

The blight, the blightness. Whatever way was proper for referring to it. It wasn't as big a concern out in the snow land.

[adregem]

Roland would never take it against Tidus, or anyone else for that matter, not when he knew how many people were under their wing and could be dispersed to other places that needed aid. Especially with the children always moving about, and this was what Ran divulged to Roland earlier too. That she was worried the kids would be in danger, and they were already so hard to control. Tidus gave off security, a feeling of familiarity that could break social boundaries no matter the age. Roland was confident that if anything, he could protect those who needed a sword by their side.

"Well, no one's about to turn down help no matter how long you'll be staying in this part of the woods." Roland smiles somewhat, but it's not disinterested. It's tired. The cracks are beginning to show. "Thanks. It's appreciated. And no, sorry. Not even healing magic can do much. Though, Glorfindel sitting by their side with his...glow, seems to help a little."

The president makes a face, slight and bemused, remembering something earlier that morning. "And by a little, I mean just a little. Someone sneezed in my general direction hours ago, and I almost had my eyebrows singed off. They were breathing fire."

[blitzcheer]

"You need them anyway?"

He jokes it without thinking, an opening that doesn't need thinking about. Except when it's said and Tidus realises what he's done, the slip of brightness that crossed his face - a smile, the shift of his eyebrows - shrinks, and he casts his attentions back away. An apology in his throat. A discomfort in his chest.

"I'll-- see what I can do." He doesn't exactly hurry it out, but he doesn't delay. "I don't think I can stay up too late; Blue Team'll be moving early. And I...still need to check out the stores. Take those clubs in."

[adregem]

Roland scoffs with good humor, but manages to throw a fond smile Tidus's way. A recognition flashes like a burst of light, but it fades the moment it knows it has shown itself. That's fine. Roland knows it's all going to be okay, somehow, someway.

Even if he still doesn't know. He doesn't know what happened. He doesn't know why he turned the way he did. Why he had to force him down by the ankles to stay, stay please. That was then, this is now. Roland has come to accept that even if there was some hidden secret behind his actions, it wouldn't matter to him the way the other might think. Tidus is a friend, and he would stand by him till he was pushed away. And even then, he would fight for him, his sword at the ready. A silent vow. A promise to keep no matter what.

"No pressure. Get some rest when you can. Don't worry about patrols. We've set up a perimeter and rotating shifts among Purple and some of the more capable villagers." He replies easily, none of his internal musings made visible or at all known. But at the mention of the clubs, his dark brown eyes spark, a memory coming to the front. "Hey, wait. I can give you one more."

He bends at the knee and closes his eyes. Two hands touch the ground and out materializes from the hammerspace, another troll club. Not Della's - he was very certain to make that known as he summons - but the one he received from his fight, aided by Rapunzel. When it manifests, he leans one arm over his knee and gestures to it with an open palm, looking back up to the teen.

"Take it. Might help get you more gold."

[blitzcheer]

It's one thing too much. Just one thing-- and it's nothing new, it makes sense for Roland to offer it, sure. But Tidus stands there with eyes on the club offered, thick and sturdy and too heavy for human hands to handle easily, and the hesitation that stirred in him each time before grounds him this time, sticking him in place like glue. He's stuck, and his mouth opens just to simply brush it away -- or even, to say Roland's name -- but it's difficult.

Just say, You can keep it. Don't make a deal out of this. Don't get worked up over nothing. His fingers twitch at his sides, and his mouth opens again - "I..." - on a struggled word.

He kicks it out a second time, frustrated and unsure as it sounds. "You shouldn't keep helping me."

It's abrupt, and he doesn't add to it, or explain. Almost chiding in its delivery, a reprimand.

[adregem]

The pause is too heavy for Roland to ignore, so he does turn back for a second time, wondering if he had heard him properly, but then it comes like a raincloud. A squall hovers over them again, and Roland is caught unawares. The club is left forgotten. This was more than that, wasn't it?

You shouldn't keep helping me.

He stands, deliberate and careful, as if he's trying his utmost not to scare him away. It suddenly feels that way all of a sudden too; and what else could he do but face this head on the way he usually does? What else could Roland do but try to reach out, to the heart of it all, whatever it was? The way Tidus crashed into his own sphere, demanding accountability for Roland's own self-care; healing him, asking him to grow when he was so sure there's nowhere else for him to go. He owes him this.

"...And why would I do that? Stop helping you?" He poses a question and for once he doesn't hide his confusion, spoken candidly, eager to know what he can, what he was allowed to. He's grasping at straws and perhaps its audible enough to be picked up on.

"Tidus, please. I...don't really understand." He rests his hand on his hip, if only to center himself. Roland so desperately wishes he could - understand, help. An instinct to care, genuine and true, but always with nowhere to go.

[blitzcheer]

He wants to start a fight. It's a first--to have a hold of this frustration, an emotion he hasn't been able to grasp in weeks. For the most part he's been empty, even in the times that Roland spoke to him before. Scared, fearful; but if anything has come from this mission, it's been--a lot. A lot happening, from the attack of the wolf, to nearly losing Taiki and Saku. Like a jolt that's woken him some, though it hasn't made much of the different.

But now, the clamped tension in his ribcage isn't just wanting him to shrink away. But his thoughts are just as scattered, loose. Of course Roland doesn't understand. Why should he? He doesn't know anything. Tidus rocks on his feet with an urge to start pacing, trying to formulate words.

"You shouldn't trust me." There's an edge there, a frantic growing note. "I keep telling you--I'm not the guy you think I am. I don't deserve it!"

There, he finally does pace, if just by a few steps, turning in a side profile from Roland. His hands fisting properly, and his emotions only becoming more erratic.

[adregem]

Roland watches Tidus unfurl into something more familiar, something he's seen before. Not that it brings him much comfort; he's still trying to piece together the things Tidus is slinging his way. And look at him go, hitting all the right spots that were tender enough for Roland to recognize. He keeps his façade stoic and still, watching as Tidus moves about and finally, stops just out of his reach.

I don't deserve it!

Roland looks away, carefully so that the motion could be easily seen as checking the perimeter and nothing else. It's a strike to the heart. A kindred spirit reaches out, wraps itself around Roland's own recognition of an insecurity he doesn't dare bring to the light. Only this time, he sees someone else wading in the wellspring. He didn't know Tidus swam in the same sea. Did it have to do with his disappearing without the SCA? Did that mean...?

'One at a time.' He decides, then. And regardless, Roland is set in his ways anyway. He refocuses, takes a breath and returns to face Tidus who has all but retreated, but leaving some room for him to settle in. To approach, if he could.

And he would. As many times as he needed to.

"Why?" He says, simply. No challenge in his voice, stern in a place that is neither aggressive nor anything but curious. "Why shouldn't I?"

He would let Tidus plead his case; then Roland would answer him thusly.

[blitzcheer]

He hates that calm, cool, collected questioning. It has no place in his growing frustration; it's too familiar, like he's in a spat with Auron, but it's never really a with. It's just him, always, the one being unreasonable. The one too emotional, the one who can never argue his point.

Tidus stops the pace, searching in him for his answer, his reason. An old spark of deceit returning in him that showed itself when he spoke to Taiki. Trying to make him hate him. And if he really wanted Roland to know why he deserved it, and why Tidus knew he didn't deserve any of this trust of responsibility put onto him--

He turns to Roland, looking at him, hard-faced and with hands clenched.

"I left everyone in Zanarkand to die. I knew it was gonna happen." He doesn't look away, trying to burn the revelation in with the weight it deserved. "I didn't try and save them. I didn't look for another way! I just worried about me-- and I let us all die!"

But as he goes on, he can't keep it controlled, the emotion rising higher; the truth of what's even been eating at him. I never tried. I never talked about it. I was scared. I didn't know what else to do--

His fists tremble.

1/2

[adregem]

All that I have loved, is lost. Roland...Tell me. What great wrong did I do to deserve this? Was it in surrendering to love that I erred? Or in accepting a crown of which I was not worthy?

When the lightning strikes, Roland is there to receive it. When Tidus comes at him with a force he hasn't seen before, he accepts it. There is no shying away from it. He takes it with wide eyes, his mouth partially open, and he listens.

It is a story Tidus tells him; a tale that fills in the gaps, answers some questions that have gone by day after day without resolution. If Tidus's goal was to wreak the shores, then he has succeeded. Something else rings in Roland's ears, as he stares unrelenting into the eyes of one so young but is filled with so much pain. It's Roland's voice. From another time, another place.

And then the tide of history comes and sweeps it all away. My country was swept away, too.

The only difference was Roland did what he could. He gave his whole life to the cause. He played the part of the once eager young man who just wanted to save. But he failed in the end, and even then it haunts him. Even then, he is in a constant state of running away from the shadows.

So how much more painful could it be for someone like Tidus - Tidus, the blitzball ace, the pro, the champion, the quarterback - to carry such a weight on his shoulders? How heavy was the heart that hid the truth? To live with the responsibility of countless people, now lost? Of the Zanarkand which he didn't know, was already long gone, the city Tidus speaks so fondly of? The home that is emblazoned on his team name? Found in the earrings he wears, the ball he had just used to defeat a troll?

"..."

You can't beat back the tide. And so it rolled in.

[adregem]

He sees the outburst for what it really is. It's resonant, it's uncomfortable. It is the shore displaced; the sky that has tumbled.

It's necessary.

And perhaps it is right that Tidus's outburst comes to Roland the way that it does. For he knows this feeling in his own way, even if circumstances were different and he doesn't know all the details. Why it fell on Tidus to save Zanarkand, why Zanarkand fell in the first place. All he knows is that this must happen, the trembling in his fists, the flare in his eyes. He can't tell Tidus otherwise; to stop, that he's wrong, that he's more than that.

Roland himself wouldn't have believed it, if he was on the other end of the line.

His expression grows strangely serene, like he is seeing things from a different end of the spectrum. There is empathy there, a warmth tainted by sadness. His own hands turn to fists, but they grow loose if only for Roland to place both on Tidus's shoulders - where he carries it all, drowning in the memory of what once was - and without a word, he lowers his gaze and gives the boy permission to let go. To validate the fear. To allow it to exist.

I get it. So, feel it. I can take it. He would be there with him, standing by the ruins.

[blitzcheer]

He doesn't want that calm. He doesn't want that silence. He doesn't want that look in Roland's eyes that won't turn away, that look like he knows, the look like Tidus is worth it. Worth sympathy, worth those hands being embraced onto his shoulders. Worth the condolences unspoken but granted.

"No!" He shoves them back, shoves Roland by the chest with the rising anger in him, bubbling, spitting and taking a hold of every part of his body. Pushing Roland back, but grabbing at him, trembling fingers gripping into the fabric of the clothes he wears and digging tight. "I'm a coward, asshole! I didn't tell anyone! I didn't give them a chance! I didn't think about them!"

It's screamed, a shrill sound out of his throat, his hands bashing at Roland's chest despite the previous hold on them. Something in him triggered, the man in front of him barely anyone but who he wants them to be; blurred by his vision becoming swept in the tears coating the the rim of his lower lids.

"'Oh, you're so great! Why don't you join the council! Why don't you help me, Tidus?' Zanarkand was real!" he spits out, the taunting tone lost with the disgust. "None of you know what I did! You don't know what I am!"

A coward. A coward with no right to sympathy when he wouldn't stop and think about everyone else than himself. How hard it would be to talk to everyone else, how he couldn't stand the thought of everyone looking at him, knowing he was going to go.

What if there was another way? What if they didn't have to disappear?

He didn't want them to know. He didn't dare to hope, to ask.

1/2

[adregem]

He's thrown off course with the sudden jerk to his person, but he lets Tidus push and pull. He lets him slam his balled up hands against his chest, he listens to every word spat and screamed to his name. Roland is fully aware of what this might look to anyone who happened upon them from the nearby village, but there was no stopping any of it. He doesn't want to.

Zanarkand was real!

Roland recalls checking every day, there can't be a heart next to his name, he refuses, he won't let it. And this has been the most fire he's seen out of Tidus in a quite some time. He won't stop it. And Roland believes every word, though the struggle to keep up with his rage was real. Undirected, no control. I can take it.

But the more Tidus lashes out, the more his words meet their mark, the more Roland begins to reciprocate by a margin. Thick eyebrows begin to furrow, his trademark frown becoming deeper and deeper. That's it. You're almost there, aren't you Tidus? Where you need to go. What you have to do.

You don't know what I am!

"Then show me!" Roland mimics the energy overflowing, shrugging Tidus's hands off of him so he could grab the sides of his arms, firm and unrelenting. He peers in close, matches his gaze where dark brown meets bright blue, and Roland's conviction does the rest. He could shake him. He does, once, though with the bulk of the athlete's build, it hardly comes across as anything but a vibration.

"So you're a coward. So you don't deserve anything anyone's ever given you. I get it. I hear you loud and clear." As Tidus screams, Roland responds with quiet, but there is a grit there that was absent before. There is something there beckoning him closer, challenging in the way he refuses to break eye contact even in this proximity.

"So it was all your fault. So you didn't try hard enough, you didn't try at all to save them." Roland feels his voice grow thick, a lump forming at the back of his throat. His breathing grows labored, but he keeps going. "You failed Zanarkand." He has to hear it. The grief would never let him go if he didn't. "I see you. I get it! " His pitch crescendos into a fevered volume, his grip against Tidus's arms tightening at every turn.

But as soon as he reaches that zenith, an overflow of emotion threatening to consume them both, Roland relents. The clench in his jaw disappears. His breathing does not slow.

[adregem]

"I won't tell you that you can magically erase the things that you did. Or what you couldn't do for your people." His expression unravels. Roland's heart is beating strongly against his chest. "I'm not here to tell you that you're wrong, because I know what it's like when the burden to save has been on your shoulders this whole time."

Whatever tenderness settles in the lull between Roland looking down on the ground and his hands still gripping Tidus makes way for something determined; resolute. He looks back up at the boy, watching his face, watching the fire ebb away at the thicket growing in the midst.

"But you can't tell me that I was wrong to put my faith and trust in you - " He draws in again, shoulders tense. "- that I shouldn't help you because you're a failure. Because you don't deserve it." There's a growl underneath Roland's words. He lets it out, anyway. He doesn't overthink it.

"I don't tell you these things just because I think you deserve it." Roland says, a finality in his tone. The conviction of a king. "I help you because I want to. Because that's what I live by. What I believe in. I want to help my friends. Even if they've failed. And whether or not they think they deserve it isn't my place to decide."

His hands slip down, away from him. The ebb and flow slows.

"It doesn't matter. It's yours to do with as you wish. Take it. Leave it. Ignore it. I won't stop. It's my choice. It's always been my choice."

1/2

[blitzcheer]

There's a force when Roland grabs him, the shake or the attempt, exactly what Tidus was looking for, or so he thinks. Every word thrown back at him, his eyes already wide on Roland, full and determined. But it shakes, the dip of his brow that paints his conviction rises as Roland continues--'--all your fault. So you didn't try hard enough, you didn't try at all to save them'--and it's a blade too easy to plunge in. To have turned back on him, although he was waiting, wanting, hoping to have Roland take it. Exactly what he wanted.

He wasn't prepared.

The anger drains, the speed of a plug pulled, leaving nothing but the fear and shame beneath it all. A sickening gurgling in his stomach, a yearning to shrink away and to-- to be gone, like he was supposed to, like all the others. A heat sticking to his face from his earlier, but it doesn't reach in, warm him. He's locked onto Roland, searching desperately and too late for some fix, even as he doesn't present one. Has no reason or means to give him one.

But Zanarkand's there in his mind now, everything he didn't do. Everything he had no choice, no chance for, and he knows, what could he do? But it's been eating away at him, the thought, the chance. He's here, Zanarkand isn't.

He's here, Zanarkand isn't.

It's a mantra on repeat in his head that can't be shut off, the reason the first few tears slip down his face.