Conclusion

[voidtreckermods]

Thank you.

For those inside the system the voices of the Great-Seasons ring out around them once the red mass has vanished and the blue plinth it was smothering is freed once more. They don't have all that much time to reflect on that before they find themselves waking up once more in their bodies around the tree trunks.

Or at least, around the tube that is the Great-Season they entered through. All illusions have vanished now, all that is left are pipes and metal.

The Great-Seasons allow them passage out from the centre, no sentries or pipes attack them this time. Everything seems to have been put to rights, the walls in the Autumn sector have stopped moving, there is no strange weather effects in the Summer Sector, no engineering problems in Winter and all the camaloid creatures in Spring are calm. Any Helpmates they come across are doing their jobs and no longer malfunctioning.

After a small amount of time, enough to check that all is well, their SCA's light up. All Passengers are to return to the Voidtrecker Express.

Considering the vast distances involved it is probably best that they use the evacuation function to return to the Luggage carriage.

Once all Voidtreckers have returned the train returns to the Void once more.

Comments

[worthallthis]

Aw, that's sweet of him. "I'll sleep again after I eat," Soldat promises with a little smile. "Post-mission recovery. Sleep and eat for twenty-four hours. Not much else." It's what happens when a supersoldier with their particular serum variant shorts themself on sleep for a week, pretty much. They're used to it. This is a very familiar weakness to be accommodated.

[bakegarasu]

“Good. ... You’re a decent guy. Don’t want you getting hurt if it can be helped.” He shifts a bit, uncomfortably. Feelings are hard. “... Kind of flipped out at someone earlier. Wanted to see if you were okay.”

[worthallthis]

Soldat used to feel like that. Sometimes, they still do. Right now, they're too tired to be anything but genuine. "That's kind, Otoha. I'm fine, though, promise. This is normal for me."

The toasting oven dings, and they reach over to pluck the toast out and onto their plate. There's butter and jam waiting to be spread on, but they debate actually doing it for a second, weighing the appeal of instant calories verses tastier calories. "Why did you flip out?"

[bakegarasu]

“... Went to go bandage my wounds on my own. Weren’t that bad. Didn’t want to be a bother. Ryo sent someone after me. Grabbed my body and my soul. Flipped out, snapped back to being a weapon. Even after I got sat down. ... Just the routine after a mission if I got hurt. Force s was no break and reforge and break.” His gaze is distant, not really looking at anything in particular.

“... Easier if I’m not a person getting hurt. Don’t want to hurt him, either. ... Don’t want another Reiji.”

[worthallthis]

(Well fuck that. No.)

Soldat wishes they were more awake for this conversation. The plates in the metal arm ripple slightly, clicking and buzzing, before settling. A recalibration pulse. (Thanks for trying, pal. Pretty sure you don't got a voice for your arm, buddy. Sarge, don't give it ideas. I ain't the one talking to it.)

Focus, Soldat. "I know. I. I worry about that, too. Hurting people. Are they okay?" The person who he flipped out at.

cw: abuse because Otoha's life is Terrible

[bakegarasu]

"Yeah. Guy who grabbed me didn't seem bothered, and I missed anyway since I got moved so fast. I don't know what the hell he was. Ryo was... a little scared, but he. ... He knows I don't... intend to hurt him. Not a... not someone like him. Just..."

He lowers his gaze, trying to think of the right words. Words aren't something he's good at. "... Can't help but wait for the other shoe to drop, with people being nice. Took... Reiji like half a year of tagging along for me to get comfortable with the idea of him around me. To not think he was going to throw things at me or burn me or use me as target practice."

His voice is even as he speaks, almost conversational. There's not really much indication that he sees anything wrong with what happened. ... It's still hard to remember that there was something wrong with that treatment, that while he had preferred it not happen he'd just... accepted that, and that thinking like that isn't okay.

[worthallthis]

Soldat has to brace themselves on the counter, blinking a few times, at the intense sense of understanding. It's not quite a malfunction-- a flashback. But the memories of various handlers flicker through the back of their brain, threatening to become a flashback, and Asset says, (No.), and... absorbs them, blocking the threat. ... they hadn't known it could do that. But they're not going to turn it down.

"I know," they say again, after maybe a little too long. "It's hard. Trusting is hard. I still don't. I haven't told anyone here everything yet. But there are good people. Who don't do that shit." They think there might even be some here. They're getting there.

(Move.. Right. Right, thank you, Asset.) They shake themselves again and start actually spreading the butter and jam. Movement helps.

[bakegarasu]

That... he set off something. But he's not sure what, and he's not sure what to do about it. "... I'll listen, if you need. It's not like I can fucking judge." And he won't, because... there's a connection, here. Hesitant, but still there. He's not sure what to do with it, too afraid that it'll break, but he can at least hold it out in case Soldat does want to take it. "Doesn't have to be now. Hell, just wedge a note into my door if you need to meet up."

He's reasonably sure his roommates won't read something addressed to him. "There's... good people here, yeah. It's... kind of hard to know what to do around good people. Not something I'm used to."

[worthallthis]

If they weren't half-asleep, it probably would have just gone by without touching a nerve. It's just bad timing. They focus on the food for a moment, and answer the last part first. "I tend to. Default to feeding them. But I'm still not great. At figuring out what 'fun' is."

They stick the butter knife in their mouth to lick the jam off, because they doubt Otoha will judge them for it. Then, settling back with the plate of toast, they consider the rest. (Or try to. Still not very awake. Eat.) Eyes drifting to the lantern on the counter as they chew, they swallow and say, "Spent seventy years owned by. Really awful people. I was their assassin. Their weapon."

[bakegarasu]

"... Mm. And here I thought you didn't look a day over twenty-five." His lip quirks for a moment before he sobers again. "That's... ugh. Fucking awful." There's no other word for it. He opens his mouth to compare, to say that clearly he didn't have it as bad as Soldat, but shuts his mouth.

Think before you talk. Right. "... Might sound stupid. You can take care of yourself. But I'll still keep you safe. Anyone tries that on you and they won't live to finish the next word."

[worthallthis]

"Ha ha." Soldat has mastered the bland not-laugh for obvious jokes like that. "No, I spent most of it in cryofreeze. That's why I didn't age much. Only ever unthawed me for missions or training. Strengthening the programming."

The plates in the metal arm shift again, and they take another big bite of their toast to focus on the flavors. Think of folding paper while they chew, which helps even more. Enough that they can chew on the promise, too, and answer, "I. Appreciate that. Thank you. I think I've been. Free. Long enough that I wouldn't obey anymore. But." There are still the Words. Shutdowns. The goddamn chair. "Having backup is nice."

[bakegarasu]

He notes the shift, but doesn't say anything about it. "... It is. Just say the word. I'm... it's hard to find people I can... relate to, kind of." As fucked up as the reason for being able to relate is... "I... dunno. It's better. With someone else - I don't mean that it's good that it happened to you, just... at least there's someone who gets it."

[worthallthis]

They nod. "First time I realized other people had flashbacks. Had handlers. I actually cried at the poor kid. Hasn't been anyone else in a long time." Until they arrived here, and now there's like three people they're having a hard time separating their own experiences from. "It's good to know you're not alone, though. Yeah?"

[bakegarasu]

"... Yeah." He takes a few deep breaths. "The... person I'm gonna be around for the next however long I'm alive at home isn't... human. Doesn't interact with them directly. So she doesn't... I can't have the same kind of connection with her." Not that he dislikes her. It's just... strange and nice to have someone who does get it.

[worthallthis]

"Then I'm glad I'm here," Soldat says. "We can help each other." They have a couple more bites, then guess, "The one who you talk about. Who's not human. That's the one who. Holds your leash, you said. You handler. Your yurine?"

[bakegarasu]

"Yeah. Each city has one. ... I think. I know there's others. Don't know how big a city has to be to have one, don't know if they exist outside of Japan... she's not big on explaining things."

[worthallthis]

Sounds like a handler, all right. Not something they can really process properly right now, aside from unhappy dislike. (Handler. I know, Asset. Handler. Shut up, Asset.)

They finish off the first piece of toast and start on the second. "Sounds difficult," is what they say about it.

[bakegarasu]

"It's... not?" He looks genuinely confused. "She can be kind of abrupt sometimes, but I think I've talked more in the two weeks since I got here than in the last... three years."

So, you know. Not big on conversation on his end, either.

"I don't really care that she took my memories. I'm glad I got to clean things up, but -" He holds a hand to his chest. ... He'd have lost all of those memories of Reiji. He doesn't want to forget his friend, but... that feeling of something squeezing his heart is back.

He wheels around and punches the carriage wall at full force. There's a resounding crack and the metal around them shakes for a moment before it settles. He pulls his fist back and there's no damage to the wall.

... It doesn't help. He's starting to feel like he can't breathe, and he clutches the lip of the counter desperately.

[worthallthis]

It's not even the violence that jolts Soldat out of their sleepy state, it's the "she took my memories". They're cold, suddenly, and horrified, and even angry-- she took his memories-- but they're awake. Then Otoha hits the wall, and they immediately shove that down, let the Asset chew on it like it chewed on their own memories. They hurriedly set the plate down and nudge their lantern further back on the countertop they'd rested it on, just in case.

Then they approach, slow, both hands visible and flat, unthreatening. Gentle is not a thing their voice does well, but they come close: "Hey. Hey, Otoha. Can you look at me." They think they know what this is, but will their usual method of calming down work? Might be worth a try, if he'll respond.

[bakegarasu]

He takes a step back, clutching his chest. Breathing is hard, sucking air in through his nose in short little bursts. His body feels prickly, like there's static in the connection between his soul and his body. He can feel his body shaking slightly, trying to hold it together. As much as he trusts Soldat, he still can't fall apart. It's not Acceptable.

"... Miss... him. But... don't want... to feel this... anymore." He can't cry. Not here, and he's not sure he's got any tears left in him. "If I... forget him... he's gone... but... why does thinking about him... hurt so much? He... he's dead. I... need to just get over... it..." He winces again as he feels his chest squeeze.

[worthallthis]

Soldat is not going to deal with the getting-over-it thing here and now. Challenging that is just going to make the poor guy fall apart-- and while that can help sometimes, maybe, Soldat didn't get to the point of breaking down for months, and even then only in front of someone they trusted more than literally anyone else in Beacon.

So what they do is pull their tablet out and extract the pieces of origami paper from the back of the protective casing. "Otoha. Look at me. I'm going to show you how I calm down. When I get like you're feeling. Okay?"

They hold out one piece of paper, dark purple in color.

[bakegarasu]

He tries to force the feelings down, to shut them down, but it's not working. Why isn't it working? He's not sure, and he hates it. He feels so weak. But Soldat is talking to him. Slowly he glances up, looking at the piece of paper blankly.

Is that... huh. He takes it carefully, feeling it. ... Yeah, that's origami paper. He'll have to ask where this came from later. He doesn't respond verbally, just focuses on the paper.

[worthallthis]

"I fold the paper like this." They start on the first fold of the crane on their own paper, slow and even, waiting patiently for Otoha to follow along with his paper. Once he does, Soldat makes the next fold. "And then like this. Slow and steady, one fold at a time, no time limit."

[bakegarasu]

Oh. Paper cranes. He's seen these done before, but he's not sure... he puts the paper flat on the counter so he doesn't drop it and makes the first fold. He knows this thing is complicated, and his expression is still blank. He feels like he's moving so slowly, even though he's not outwardly moving slower at all.

[worthallthis]

Slow is the way to do this, anyway. Focusing on the folds, moving the hands, making something delicate and fiddly but with a specific set of memorized steps-- not on whatever is causing the panic.

Soldat leads Otoha through all the steps, slowing down even further whenever it looks like he's struggling with a fold, redoing folds if anything needs shown a second time. They don't talk much, only if Otoha seems to need a word or two to keep him on track or if he's unraveling instead of getting calmer.

And in the end, there are a pair of paper cranes. Soldat even illustrates how pulling on the tail gently makes the wings move.