middleofsomewhere | Conclusion

Conclusion

Thank you.

For those inside the system the voices of the Great-Seasons ring out around them once the red mass has vanished and the blue plinth it was smothering is freed once more. They don't have all that much time to reflect on that before they find themselves waking up once more in their bodies around the tree trunks.

Or at least, around the tube that is the Great-Season they entered through. All illusions have vanished now, all that is left are pipes and metal.

The Great-Seasons allow them passage out from the centre, no sentries or pipes attack them this time. Everything seems to have been put to rights, the walls in the Autumn sector have stopped moving, there is no strange weather effects in the Summer Sector, no engineering problems in Winter and all the camaloid creatures in Spring are calm. Any Helpmates they come across are doing their jobs and no longer malfunctioning.

After a small amount of time, enough to check that all is well, their SCA's light up. All Passengers are to return to the Voidtrecker Express.

Considering the vast distances involved it is probably best that they use the evacuation function to return to the Luggage carriage.

Once all Voidtreckers have returned the train returns to the Void once more.

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"Of course," Koumyou doesn't even hesitate to give that answer, even though he has no idea what Devero's going to ask. He finally peels his face away from Devero's neck to sit up a bit, swiping at his own face with wet hands.

Devero doesn't ask right away, but that's only because he's absolutely taking the opportunity to wash Koumyou's face clear of tears the same way the priest had done for him. Only once he's done that does he say, hesitantly, "...Earlier, it seemed like you-- you were asking if I thought I could handle you as a teacher. Did you...mean that?"

Koumyou holds still for it, and offers Devero a wobbly little smile once his face has been cleaned off in turn. The question makes Koumyou glance down and away, but only because he has to really think about it for a moment.

"I... I think so. Yes."

But he's quick to add, "Your reason for turning me down is perfectly... good. Maybe I can... help you find someone else to teach this stuff to you? Or something. You should learn what you want to learn. You should! You just... should get to do it... safely."

Unlike Koumyou.

"What if... I wanted to try with you...?" He actually squirms a little on the ledge, little ripples rolling away from him, as if embarrassed to have changed his mind so immediately. In a rush, he adds, "I think it might be good for both of us."

"I've always found... teachers who don't hurt their students so... admirable," Koumyou tells him quietly. So, so quietly, like it's a horrible secret that he's confessing. "But I don't know if that's me."

He's always told everyone, his own son included, that he's just not suited to teach anything more important than origami airplanes. And as a result, his son has become a Sanzo at age thirteen with almost none of the training he needs.

"...Like you with your neoteks, I'm sure," Koumyou adds, glancing up with a weak smile, "I'm positive you're brilliant with them."

Between knowing Devero so well by now, knowing how he handles younger people, and knowing the name one of his own students had dubbed the man's exo with, he's certain of that. Devero is one of those admirable, rare teachers.

"Oh, I'm not a--" Devero starts in automatic denial, because to him, teachers work in creches. They teach kids. It's a revered, well respected career in his world, and the vices know he's not respectable.

But he stops himself dead. Maybe he's not a teacher, but what does he do with his neos if not teach them how to use their new equipment? Hadn't he, on his very first day here, sat down at Eight's side and talked her through how he was troubleshooting her sticky hydraulics problem? Hadn't he sat with mountainous patience and let Romeo learn how to paint fingernails, with his own nails as the kid's canvas? (Much of that purple varnish is still visible, though the coat's taking a beating over the course of the mission.)

Maybe... the only reason he hadn't become a teacher was because no one had told him it was an option for him. His own teachers had pushed him so hard to go into the Guard that he'd never really considered anything else.

So he smiles shyly, and ducks his head, and says, "Thank you, Koumyou."

But he looks up again right away. "...Have you ever... actually tried?" he asks.

"I've never dared," Koumyou answers honestly, looking down again.

"I'm the last of the Taisouji students. And the monks who trained me before then weren't much kinder. If I ended up being anything like... like Master Zouryou, or his kind, I don't know if I could live with that."

He's staring down at his hands in particular, which slowly knot together.

"My oldest scars are from my time as a student. And you've seen how... how wrong my instincts are."

Devero was completely right to turn him down, and Koumyou knows it.

Devero reaches through the water and covers Koumyou's knotted hands with one of his own. "But you weren't... you weren't trying to teach me, then," he says slowly. "That wasn't a lesson. That was-- that was you trying to just fucking-- get through to me, when all I was doing was shutting you out. When I was trying to hurt you, because I didn't want to see what you were trying to show me."

He draws his hand back and looks away, curling in a little on himself before he can say, "...It was still the wrong thing to do. But-- but you know that now, right?"

He swings his gaze right back over, though he remains hunched on the ledge. "I think you're going to surprise yourself, if you try," he tells Koumyou quietly. "And I--" If anything, his voice goes quieter. "I don't want to learn magic from anyone but you."

What a pair they are, hunched in on themselves with one on the other's lap.

"You said you can't trust yourself to stop me if I go too far," Koumyou whispers, "that's... that's such a good reason to not."

Not learn from Koumyou, that is.

"But you should... you... magic could be so amazing for you! And I really wouldn't be upset to see you learn it from someone... safe, I promise."

Devero wraps his arms around Koumyou again and leans on him a little. "If I can even learn it," he says quietly. "Just because I have chi doesn't mean I'll even be able to use it the way you do."

He chews on his lower lip. "...It is a good reason," he admits. "But I still want to learn it from you anyway, even if it might not be... safe." He laughs a little, humorlessly, as he looks away again. "I don't want to learn it from you because I think it'd upset you if I didn't, I want to because... because I want to. I..."

He realizes then, why he wants to, and says it sort of uncertainly. "I don't want to be afraid of you." He shifts a little, hands separating and fingers probing briefly around the top of Koumyou's trunks until they find the rolled up scroll of the sutra and brush it. "Of any part of you."

Koumyou blinks at him and then smiles, and it's a little less wobbly than his previous smiles have been during this conversation, here on Devero's lap.

"Well, we can work on... on that part, without you having to learn magic from me," Koumyou points out, and then adds with his own uncertainty, "...but you mean not being afraid of me as a teacher, too, don't you? Even though I am?"

Koumyou is afraid of himself as a teacher. He's seen too many terrible examples of how it could go wrong; been on the receiving end of too many terrible examples of how it could go wrong. How could he be any better?

"But... I know you could learn to use your chi, that's not even a question. It responded perfectly fine to me when I tapped it. It could take years, though, and you probably won't be able to do it without chanting first for each spell. My ability to use chi without chanting is considered freakishly abnormal."

Monstrous, even, but that's a word he's trying not to use here even though 'monster' is the one he's had whispered about him or screamed at him on so many occasions back on his own world.

Edited 2021-02-01 06:25 (UTC)

Devero reaches up with one hand trailing water to brush bangs away from Koumyou's face, tucking the soft, pale locks of hair behind his ear. "If it's going to take years anyway, maybe I should focus on brushing up on what I already know," he says with a little huff. "My Tri-Delta's absolutely disgraceful, never mind learning magic."

It doesn't take much of an inclination of his face to touch his forehead to Koumyou's-- well, temple this time, given the way they're turned relative to each other. "I can leave the incredible feats to the incredible practitioners, hm?"

"I just don't want you to be discouraged, or think something's wrong, if it takes time."

He doesn't want Devero to just... give up on himself like that.

Case in point; "You are incredible, and if you... want me to teach you a new skill, I will."

All he can do is shake his head. He knows deep in his gut that he's the least incredible person on this whole damn train, but he also knows that Koumyou's incredibly biased. He's not going to try to convince him otherwise.

He also knows he should probably stay in his lane. Who is he to think that he could learn something like that? And when Koumyou's so reluctant to teach, how can he in good conscience take him up on it?

But... but he can't shake the memory of how it felt back there in the middle of the biosphere's infected system, to be able to fire off water blasts with just his hands and to heal with a touch. And from much more recently is Koumyou's encouragement to use some of his time on the train for himself...

He should thank Koumyou for the offer, and turn him down. He knows that would be the reasonable, responsible thing to do. Safer for them both, better for the community at large for them to try and maintain an emotional equilibrium and focus on their own individual abilities. He should be good. He should--

He--...

He takes a deep breath, and he says something totally, unimaginably selfish: "I do want you to teach me. Please."

Koumyou watches him, with that little head shake and the pause. He can't see Devero's thoughts, but the conflict is... apparent.

"And I want to teach you."

It... visibly startles Koumyou when it comes out of his mouth, but he doesn't take it back.

He wants to teach.

Terrifying though it may be, aren't some things worth powering through that feeling? Devero certainly is worth it, and more.

"...Huh."

Edited 2021-02-03 12:40 (UTC)

The words startle Devero too; he rears back so he can look down at Koumyou, his expression... vulnerable. "You do?" he asks. "It's not just because I'm asking...?"

Koumyou gazes up at him for a moment, then ducks his head a little.

"I'm... I'm worried about it, but... yes, I want to."

His hands knot together under the water.

"I admire teachers who don't hurt their students," he repeats so, so quietly from earlier. "If that... if I might be able to do that... if you think I might..."

And then, even quieter yet, "If I won't ruin us if it goes poorly..."

Devero tightens one arm around Koumyou and covers the priest's hands with his other, squeezing lightly. "I'm worried too," he says softly. "But I think... I think that if we go slow, and if we're careful, that fear will keep us prudent. Don't you?"

It's his turn to repeat something from earlier. "I think it will be good for us both, to try this."

"I just don't want to lose you."

Again.

If he fucks up, again.

And he might. He really might.

"...Slow and careful, then. I agree. We have plenty of time, right?"

Oh, Koumyou. Forget just squeezing him; Devero wraps both arms around the priest and crushes the slender body against his broad chest in a hug. "Neither of us is going to let that happen again, okay? Once w-was-- was enough."

His fervent grip loosens and he nods. "All the time in the world, my Sanzo, and no one to tell us how to spend it. If-- we're going to do this--" Which still seems sort of fragile and incredible, right now. "We'll do it to our own schedule and no one else's."

Koumyou is completely fine with this adjustment, slumping slightly into Devero's embrace and staying that way even when those big arms loosen again.

"Absolutely."

So, they're doing this, then.

He's going to teach his Devero magic.

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