middleofsomewhere | The Will to Fight: Conclusion

The Will to Fight: Conclusion

The battles rage loud and ferocious at the gates of the city and off in the ruined wastelands of Erda, and on the walls a struggle of a different kind occurs. The team who stayed behind at the towers are small but determined as they move stoically across the walls to right the stones that have become misaligned, even as their friends battle not too far away.

The city begins to hum. It's a quiet hum, not loud enough to be heard out where the others are fighting but it vibrates even through stone. The recovering monks assure them that it is done, the wards are back up and no demon will be able to enter the city.

Eventually the battle is won, all three battles. The demons fought back and killed, a major blow to their gate system that will keep them back for hopefully a long time. Those waiting in the caverns return to the city and by the time they get there the illusions are gone. Everyone can see the world for what it really is.

But despite the ruins of their world the people are relieved, the adrenaline of the fight coursing through their veins and the mood is one of hope. They will build again, their people will survive.

All Voidtreckers please return to the Voidtrecker Express. Departure will be in a few hours

It has landed not too far from the city, cloaked to make it unnoticeable to the citizens, for all the good that does. No one has been particularly subtle this last week. People can begin regrouping, packing up the camp and getting any wounded not already healed to the train.

However roughly half an hour later another message appears on their SCA.

Passenger Persephone has requested we remain on system System #86525656412355 for an additional day to further assist the people of Erda. The Voidtrecker Express will depart on the morning of Day Fifteen of the month of Kazoo.

The train remains where it is, so the voidtreckers can use its facilities. There is definitely a lot that can be done to assist those of this world and the citizens will welcome any helping hands.

After an extra day they finally depart, returning to the void once more.

(OOC Note: Once the wards are up any characters who are demonic in nature will not be able to enter the city either!)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

He considers offering the seat across from him, but... no. He pats the chair next to him. He doesn't care about being too forward or not for a lot of things on the best of days.

"It... um. Was. And my Persona has a weakness to darkness... so it was really bad for me. I kind of... lost control for a bit..."

Ken blinks at "lost control", tensing. That's not a similarity he would have wished on his fellow Ken. Or on anyone.

In a moment, however, he's pulling himself back together, taking the seat that's been offered to him. "Are you all right?"

From the way he's peering at Amada-kun, he doesn't mean physically.

"... I don't know. I... I didn't arrive here in a good state..."

He looks down at Wormmon, then back up at Ken. He can do this. The other Ken said he did terrible things too, so maybe he'll understand.

"... I told you before that I was hunting down the guy who killed my mom. I... I found him and confronted him... where my house used to be. I... I was going to kill him and then... and then me. And then someone showed up and tried to shoot me and the guy... put himself in the way. And... and I think he's dead. I don't know. He was dying anyway, apparently. From... from the medicine he was taking."

There's a point to this, he swears.

"And... and I felt so useless and helpless and like I'd wasted my time. Like I'd lost two years for nothing. ... I did lose two years for nothing." Mm. "And... and on the mission I wasn't very good at breaking the keystones to close the gates. I was okay at managing some of the demons, but... I couldn't... do what we were sent to do. To break the keystones. And I was just... useless."

"I see."

And he does. Ken swallows back just how much he recognizes all those emotions - the need for utility, the carelessness with one's own life - the feeling of wanting to throw it away. The way others have prodded that vulnerability, or propped him up.

"The normally useless boy is awfully fired-up today!"

"So just be Ken-chan! You're fine the way you are!"

"LIVE."

Wormmon, watching something perhaps only he can see on Ken's face, starts to rear up, but with a gentle hand his partner quiets him. Ken-chan? Ken-chan is....going to do this himself? He's in the position other people normally fill for him, and he's going to try to do that for Amada-kun?

The Digimon's eyes fill with tears, not quite falling, just glistening in place. Ken-chan......Do your best.

Ken remains with his head bowed, for a moment. Thinking over everything he could say. That he wants to say - everything that he feels. It would be better if only he had to experience things like this. It would be better if only he suffered. It tears at him that other people know this pain.

But that also means the pain can be shared. A burden is lessened when you aren't carrying it alone.

Still looking down, he clears the lump from his throat. ".....Thank you."

No, he needs to meet the other Ken's eyes. His head lifts. "For making it back."

The words are surprising, and Ken's eyes fill with tears that he can't quite blink away. He looks at the two of them and takes a deep breath. "... I... didn't mean to. But I did. Somehow."

It's been a little less than a month and it's still... hard to unpack. He still doesn't understand his feelings. Ken wipes the tears away with the back of his sleeve, sniffing. "It... mm. It hurts... knowing I wasted so long. And... I don't know what to do anymore..." He's just been putting one foot in front of the other numbly, not knowing any other path.

Ken nods, understanding. He doesn't think he's in a position to be able to give the other Ken that guidance; whatever happens after this needs to happen because it's something Amada-kun decides for himself.

But Ken can be here, and listen. Sometimes, he knows, just having someone by your side is enough.

Wormmon, however, has been thinking over the predicament as laid out to him, and has a question. "Do you need to do anything?" he asks, not accusing, more just wondering. "The scary confusing part is done. You can think it over all you want."

"... I don't know." He's just... lost, and not sure how to get back - or if he even wants to.

Deep breaths. "I don't know what I want to do now. Just... surviving itself is hard."

This hurts. It hurts so much, but it also feels like...a blessing? Amada-kun is entrusting Ken with his pain. Amada-kun is giving Ken that gift. He appreciates that. How can he express how grateful he is? For all of this? For being trusted, being looked after before, being welcomed even after he shared his own sins.

For the knowledge that "I'm sad you know the same pain as me" and "But it makes me feel less alone, so I hope you feel that too" are emotions that can coexist. Except. What's a word for that?

"I'm - happy," Ken offers, brusque with nervousness, but he has the decency to realize what an incomplete thought that is. "That you survived. That you're surviving."

Existence. That's all anyone needs to have worth. That's all anyone needs for someone to be sad if they were gone! That's all they need to belong.

"That you exist."

"I... um. I..." He looks up, his eyes watering. Ken sniffles and reaches out to the older Ken, leaning into him and starting to cry quietly. His whole body feels heavy and even his shoulders are like lead weights as they shake from the tears.

Someone understands. He doesn't know what the other has been through, but he seems to understand. The others in Strega got it for the most part, but for a long time they'd known nothing but pain. Ken had been ripped from a happy life and forced to make tough decisions for a long time, to harden his heart to everything as a way to protect himself. Even the others were guarded, so he still was a bit guarded, too.

But here? With someone his age who's experienced pain like his? Someone who's given him permission to be both a child and an adult?

It hurts his heart, but it's a strangely good kind of hurt, like a muscle after exercising. It feels raw and tender, afraid but still strong, and he doesn't know how to handle it.

"Thank you." It's quiet, rough, whispered almost like a prayer.

A cleansing hurt, isn't it? Ken's overflowing with it - with that, and the relief he hadn't failed to reach Amada-kun. Amada-kun is thanking him. Thanking Ichijouji Ken. For this conversation.

Ichijouji Ken could do, for someone else, their own version of what's been done for him. And the pain he knows so dearly has lifted for Amada-kun, if only a little. Regardless of who did it.

He's just so glad. He tears up too, letting the other Ken cry into him. Ken is not the embracing sort, but he will lean just enough to show that he doesn't dislike it. Just enough to indicate this is a place Amada-kun can stay as long as he needs. "Mm."

Wormmon, on the other hand, is a hugger. Up he climbs, and sticks himself right where the two Kens intersect.

A DOUBLE KEN HUG. And all that implies, about his boy, about this other boy, about the good, good boys!

That's what gets Wormmon crying, too.

He tries to calm his breathing and looks down at Wormmon. A loyal companion, looking out for him... he smiles a little bit and eases up on the contact, dropping his hand to pet the little Digimon on the head.

"If... if you ever need to... if either of you need to talk... to someone who knows... how it hurts... I'm... I'm around." He sniffles a bit, taking another deep breath. "And... um." Well. Thinking on that last mission...

"If you want me to teach you how to fight a little too, I can. I... don't want to... to make you, but if... if we're going to keep going on missions..."

Ken hadn't thought of it that way, but until and unless he can reclaim his Digivice, that will remain an issue. The former offer is heard and appreciated, but it's the last that gets him musing.

"I'll fight!" Wormmon offers, but Ken-chan is looking contemplative.

"We could still get ambushed." And therefore Wormmon would not be able to respond in time, or be busy with another foe. Against Digimon there's little points in the human partners attempting to fight, but with a wider variety of potential enemies......"I know some judo."

Except that's not. Relevant. Is that relevant? He doesn't know. He quit it after he stopped caring about how good he was at things in relation to others, but the core of the art is self-defense...

"....Will that help?"

"... Yeah. I don't know judo at all... but since we're... um. Not as tall as some of the other passengers, a spear might help. Since they have longer arms..."

He loks the other over. ... Yeah, should work.

"I was planning on ordering my spear from home and a practice spear. It's blunt, it won't hurt anyone. ... If you want to learn. I... um. You're too nice to get hurt."

It's a gesture of looking out for Ken. How could Ken refuse something like that?

Ken takes his own turn smiling when he didn't expect to be. "Then....if you'll have me."

A spear. Ken-chan with a spear. Wormmon tries to picture it. But then they both realize something simultaneously.

"....From home?"

"Yeah."

The two of them seem to be having A Moment, so he just waits.

"... What?"

He's just kind of confused with no context.

Edited 2021-03-30 00:17 (UTC)

Ken's brow furrows. "You can retrieve - items from your home?"

Wormmon's antennae are at attention. If that's true - oh, if that is TRUE---!!!

He'll be able to protect Ken-chan even better!!

"I'm pretty sure? I got some healing items from home. And weapons cost a lot, which is why I couldn't get mine last time... I hope I have enough points this time."

Cost....points. Ken feels bad about diverting the conversation, but Amada-kun does seem to be doing a little better, and that is the most important thing.

Besides, this is relevant.

"So if we gather 'points'," Ken concludes, to be sure he has this right, "we can purchase objects."

"Ken-chan, then!"

"Ah." Wormmon and Ken nod in unison, and Ken finishes Wormmon's statement: "You'll be able to evolve!"

"That's right."

'Evolve'? He just looks confused. "Wait, what do you mean? Evolve how?"

Evolution takes forever.

"When Ken-chan has his Digivice," Wormmon explains, "he can send me power. I can become a stronger Digimon!"

"It's not a typical 'evolution'," Ken admits. "But our ability to help on missions will definitely increase."

"... Oh." Oh. He looks down at Wormmon. Hmm...

"I think you're pretty strong already, but..." He offers the Digimon a small, shy smile.

Wormmon has never been called "pretty strong!" in this form before. "....Wow..."

Smiling - anything that makes Wormmon happy makes Ken happy - Ken is quick to add, "Spear lessons are still appreciated. These enemies are different from those we faced before."

The scale of the battle indicates that, for certain. If evil Digimon ever rallied armies that large.....

Ken shoves back a shiver, since the villain who'd come closest to managing that in his world was him.

"Yeah. I can definitely help out..."

He nods at the other Ken, and then looks down at his clothes. ... Right. Given what they'd just been through... he's changed since the battle, but he still needs new pants. "We can't pick up purchases until the next platform, but I think that's a few days from now. So we have time... as much as I want to train I really should be taking it easy for a bit."

Ken nods. It takes a while for the train to travel between stops, so they fortunately can set their own pace. Both of them can recover at their leisure. "Rest as long as you need."

"For your body and your heart," Wormmon adds. Many people forget to look after one of those two things, but both are important.

Both, huh? "I know how to take care of the body one. ... How do I rest my heart?"

It's cute, and wouldn't sound out of place in a sentai, but he's not sure how it would actually work.

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cw: explicit discussion of murder and suicide

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https://wikimon.net/images/thumb/7/7f/Jewelbeemon2.jpg/320px-Jewelbeemon2.jpg

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