middleofsomewhere | The Will to Fight: Conclusion

The Will to Fight: Conclusion

The battles rage loud and ferocious at the gates of the city and off in the ruined wastelands of Erda, and on the walls a struggle of a different kind occurs. The team who stayed behind at the towers are small but determined as they move stoically across the walls to right the stones that have become misaligned, even as their friends battle not too far away.

The city begins to hum. It's a quiet hum, not loud enough to be heard out where the others are fighting but it vibrates even through stone. The recovering monks assure them that it is done, the wards are back up and no demon will be able to enter the city.

Eventually the battle is won, all three battles. The demons fought back and killed, a major blow to their gate system that will keep them back for hopefully a long time. Those waiting in the caverns return to the city and by the time they get there the illusions are gone. Everyone can see the world for what it really is.

But despite the ruins of their world the people are relieved, the adrenaline of the fight coursing through their veins and the mood is one of hope. They will build again, their people will survive.

All Voidtreckers please return to the Voidtrecker Express. Departure will be in a few hours

It has landed not too far from the city, cloaked to make it unnoticeable to the citizens, for all the good that does. No one has been particularly subtle this last week. People can begin regrouping, packing up the camp and getting any wounded not already healed to the train.

However roughly half an hour later another message appears on their SCA.

Passenger Persephone has requested we remain on system System #86525656412355 for an additional day to further assist the people of Erda. The Voidtrecker Express will depart on the morning of Day Fifteen of the month of Kazoo.

The train remains where it is, so the voidtreckers can use its facilities. There is definitely a lot that can be done to assist those of this world and the citizens will welcome any helping hands.

After an extra day they finally depart, returning to the void once more.

(OOC Note: Once the wards are up any characters who are demonic in nature will not be able to enter the city either!)

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Persephone glances up at him through the veil of her hair. He blushes gold, a brilliant stain of ichor. Doesn't want to be linked to his friend? Unless...

"It's kind of you." She hums, the butterfly light on her fingertips. "Is there... Are you two...?"

Thanatos has to look at Persephone then. A completely puzzled look is on his face.

"Are we what? Friends? I thought that was obvious by now." What else could she be referring to? Is this some world different--it must be given that Zagreus isn't around in her world. "He's also my Prince since he's the Prince of the Underworld. But he's not a coworker."

"I swear to the gods." Persephone mutters under her breath. Is the obtuseness for real or just trying to change the subject? She raises an eyebrow.

"I meant--well I meant that maybe you're more than friends? I know friends are great, but you know, are you seeing each other?"

Sometimes she is good at dancing around subjects, sometimes she's very cautious and kind, and then sometimes she is blunt. She's tired. She's drained. So she is blunt.

"..."

Please give Thanatos a moment as he is thinking. More than friends? Didn't he just answer that? And what does Persephone mean by...

"Seeing each other?"

Please wait another moment to process this thing he hasn't thought about at all involving himself.

"W-Wait, do mean romantically? Me and Zag... Persephone, I'm Death Incarnate. Of course we're not seeing each other."

Persephone leans her head on his shoulder and transfers the purple butterfly to her wrist, watching its wings slowly open and close.

"And I'm the goddess of spring and apparently I marry the God of the Dead. Do you have a point with this line of reasoning or are you actually not interested in him?"

"He's the Prince of the Underworld, the son of my boss, and... and I've never, I mean, I don't even..." Thanatos isn't sure how he wants to finish that sentence or if he should even try.

"Things are already complicated enough between us, and I have never once fallen under Aphrodite's domain."

"I didn't ask the reasons why you shouldn't. I asked if you did. But that's fine."

She yawns, turning her face into his shoulder to prevent doing it right into his face.

"Shame though, kissing is fun. Crushes are less so, but still."

"I'll take your word for it. I guess. Having done neither."

How he feels (Ugh, why does that keep coming up? Not feeling anything was so much easier!) about Zagreus is because they're friends.... Right? Thanatos just stares at some point in the lush green life. It provides him with no answers, but it gives him something to look at as he thinks.

Thinking provides him with no answers either. Just a lot more questions.

"How would you even tell?"

"I mean, I've had a single crush and a single relationship but sure, I'll try to explain..." Her free hand comes up as she tries to explain with gestures while her eyes are still half closed. This is the half asleep guide to crushes with Persephone.

"Do you like looking at their face? Do you wish you could spend more time with them because it's so nice but it also sometimes makes you so nervous because what if you mess it up? Do you want to do things for them just because? Do you keep mentioning them because they're always on your mind but also try to stop yourself sometimes because it's nice to have this person to yourself? So on, so forth."

Does he like looking at Zag's face? ... He seems to have the opposite problem. Sometimes it's hard to keep looking at his face even when he tries to. Zero.

Does he wish he could spend more time with Zagreus because it's so nice, but it also sometimes makes him so nervous because what if he messes it up? Yes. Things seem to okay, and Thanatos does want to spend time with him. And... he's worried about doing something to ruin it again like back home. Even if Zagreus was also to blame for that. One.

Does he want to do things for Zagreus just because? Yes... but how is that different than what Thanatos wants to do for his friends? Still, one. Probably.

Does he keep mentioning Zagreus because he's always on his mind but also try to stop himself sometimes because it's nice to have this person to himself? Thanatos does mention and think of Zagreus a lot, but it's because he worries about him. However, keep Zagreus to himself? That's laughable. Thanatos knows he'd never be able to. That's just not how Zagreus is. He gives himself to so many. Half.

"2.5 out of 4," Thanatos finally says after a long silence. "That result would get me a performance evaluation and a five-step plan to get back on track."

Persephone waits out the silence, eyes closed. The world is not silent around them, the little noises of a world coming back to life, the children far off, the people pluck apples from trees, cucumbers from vines, going about a green and lush life.

Beside her, Thanatos is silent. It is calm, peaceful. Then he speaks and she cracks an eye open, turns to look at him with a flat unimpressed expression.

"This is not a performance review. You're not at work and Hades is not asking you to rate your hots for Zagreus on a scale of one to ten. I can't believe you gave yourself half points."

"Tsch. How else was I supposed to score mentioning Zagreus to others but also wanting to keep him to myself? Yes, I do think about Zagreus a lot, but I also know I could never have him to myself. There's no chance. He'd need things I can't give him, and he becomes something for so many others."

He shakes his head. Fine. No half points then.

"2 out of 4. And one of the points is something I've been doing for all my friends, which I have more than one now thanks to this train, so really, isn't it 1 out of 4? That has to mean I don't have a crush on Zagreus... right?"

"I don't mean that you always want to keep them to yourself, just that sometimes you want to." How did this go from two and a half to one? Wait wait wait.

"... Okay look. Maybe you don't, maybe I'm reading too much into innocent friendly things. But the knowing you can't give them everything just means you're honest. No one is everything to someone. And the way people have crushes is different. Mine have been very different because they're very different people who attracted me with different things. The way I react, the things I like about them are different. This isn't a puzzle you can solve with x number of yeses."

She huffs, closing her eyes again, "I could give you more questions. Do you want to stay with them, through everything? Do you want to sleep next to them, wake up to them beside you? But you're really good at talking yourself out of things. So just why are you doing that? That's what you really need to think about."

Thanatos starts once more to answer her questions, marking them like he would one of his reports because he doesn't have too many other frames of reference. After a bit, his thoughts drift to a conversation he had with Ryo, and how his insides seem to twist inside him suggest he's on the right path for his thinking. Something that he hasn't come to terms with because the other party involved has already figured it out, leaving him feeling alone. Lost. Left behind.

"... Won't it just hurt more when he's gone again? Or when he dies again... and again?"

This doesn't even factor in Thanatos's feelings about Zagreus (and Mother Nyx) freeing Sisyphus. He's still trying to deny that happening.

"Probably." Back to flopping against him like the wet noodle she is.

"Beings occasionally leave you. Sometimes things don't work out or they have to go elsewhere. But loving them is trusting them not to, to make the effort to stay with you if at all possible. No one likes the beings they care about to leave or get hurt or die."

She gestures vaguely.

"But he's a god, one that sees no problem with throwing himself into the fire again and again. The dying and getting hurt has to be something you can deal with, talk to him about, or try to help with. You should have seen Zetta when I tried to grow something like this in the demon realm. You have never seen a book look concerned."

Thanatos lets Persephone flop on him. He can support her as he curls a bit more in on himself. Loving is trusting them not to leave and to make an effort to stay... That's how it's supposed to be, isn't it?

But not for Death Incarnate. Thanatos can't trust anyone not to leave him. Not Zagreus. Not Persephone or Ryo. Not even Mort. No one. From his perspective (whether true or not), everyone he knew and trusted has left him at some point or another. Maybe even this Life has left him too, creating the absence he feels now. So, he can't reply to that.

"It already hurts when he dies.... Even when he's from my future, it hurts the same," Thanatos finally mutters. He brings a hand to his chest, near his heart. "Can't imagine how much more it'd hurt if I admitted I cared for him. In that way."

Persephone does not point out that that was an admission, in a roundabout sort of way. She just sighs.

"Living hurts. Things happen that hurt you. You can't just not do something on the off chance it will hurt you."

Persephone gestures out with a wide vague sweep of the world, "Beings have the ability to hurt you. Cutting yourself off from every being is not helpful, you just end up alone and unwilling to trust. I have a hard time with--with some romantic actions, because s-someone treated me poorly in the past." She tries desperately to ignore how she stumbled on that, "But cutting myself off from the experience, from wanting to kiss and touch and date and all of that--it'd be just as awful as being hurt again. I want those things, even though I know it could all turn out badly. I have to go slow and I have to put a lot of trust into them, but I do it."

"Don't let the hurt, the possibility of it, stop you, is what I'm saying, I guess. It will hurt when he dies. If he dies. But it still hurts to see him die, whether you love him in that way or not. And everyone comes back here. We're tied to the train. It will hurt, but he will continue to come back. And maybe you could try to talk him into being a little less reckless?"

Persephone's fumble with her words slips by Thanatos. Given the godly relations (or lack of) he's most familiar with, Thanatos leans more towards some kind of falling out that no one speaks of. And knowing that her turning into butterflies was brought about from kissing, his attention would be directed elsewhere.

Thanatos huffs lightly when Persephone says, "If he dies." It's too late for that. He's died three times already, though Thanatos has enough sense to not mention it to her.

But Zagreus has gotten stronger. Thanatos doesn't have to worry as much about him not having the Olympians' aid. He's plenty strong on his own. Yet, knowing that, why does he still worry so much over Zagreus? Is it just because they're friends? Could there be another reason he hasn't realized?

The feeling of Zagreus's most recent death is fresh in Thanatos's mind. Most people don't sense a cherished one's death which simultaneously brings about an emotional and nearly physical reaction. And then have to feel that multiple times. The hurt Thanatos feels isn't entirely comparable.

"None of my thoughts are making sense," he mutters. Thanatos feels like he's contradicting himself every other thought, repeating himself, somehow warping those words to mean the opposite of before. Which ones can he trust? Can he even trust any of them? "Everything was so much clearer before. Given everything that's happened, I don't want to complicate things more between us."

He lifts his head to look at all the living green, all the life he doesn't get to see back home. "And now... now I feel like I'm missing a part of myself seeing all this. I'm not even sure about myself anymore."

"Love is complicated." She closes her eyes once more. "Whether it's romantic or not, so don't bite my head off. You love him regardless of which particular facet it falls under, I have eyes and ears."

Persephone doesn't want to force him into any one box. Love is expressed in many ways, it's a feeling beyond the simple desire. He'll figure it out. She pats his hand and yawns.

"Take your time. It will resolve itself eventually, I promise."

"... Right. There's supposed to be multiple types of love. 3? 5?" Thanatos doesn't know much about it. Such topics aren't brought up or taught in the House of Hades, and on the surface, Thanatos just sees the grieving anger directed towards him or the rare relief that their loved one is no longer in pain.

Thanatos sighs. All that means is that, yes, he probably loves Zagreus in some fashion, but he still doesn't know what it means beyond that. ... Does his confusion mean that he's also considering a romantic relationship as a possibility? What? He's Death Incarnate. And incomplete on top of that. "What a mess."

"Mn, Eros had seven siblings at last count...So eight."

Yes, this is how she's keeping track. Please don't ask her to list them all, because she'll feel really bad that she's definitely forgotten someone's name. You're lucky she remembered how many kiddos there were that day.

"It can be a mess. But--sometimes a rewarding mess." With a hum, she nudges him, "Are you going to wait until the last minute to go back?"

Eight?! And there could possibly be more based on how many siblings Eros has? No wonder love is so messy for mortals... and gods, he supposes. He doesn't want to think on this anymore. Why can't he just go back to when he didn't feel? (Oh, right. A number of people refuse to let him.)

"If I can, I'd like to." He pulls his hood back over his head and replaces the shades. "But under a tree. Will you make sure I don't get left behind if I fall asleep?"

Because he's probably going to pass out once he's situated. The sun and conversation has utterly drained him. Still, he wants to be surrounded by this life as long as he can, at the expense of himself if need be.

"Mn, you'd end up in..." Persephone pauses. Then sits up suddenly, nodding, fully awake. "Right--right, of course. I'll snag Zagreus or--you know, someone."

Persephone groans as she drags herself up off the ground, a stumble to her step as she stands. Thanatos may find his head used to brace herself, balance a little shaky.

"I'm going to go pass out maybe, or at least eat something. I'm starving."

"Thank you." For a lot of things.

Thanatos hasn't fully realized that he would end up in one of the luggage case. If he did, he might have thought differently of his choice. However, not knowing, Thanatos simply stiffens to help Persephone brace herself. Once she's up, he'll wobble float into the air.

He then drifts to the shade of the nearest tree and collapses against its trunk. A second later, he's passed out, lulled by something he never knew he needed.

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The Will to Fight: Conclusion

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