middleofsomewhere | The Will to Fight: Conclusion

The Will to Fight: Conclusion

The battles rage loud and ferocious at the gates of the city and off in the ruined wastelands of Erda, and on the walls a struggle of a different kind occurs. The team who stayed behind at the towers are small but determined as they move stoically across the walls to right the stones that have become misaligned, even as their friends battle not too far away.

The city begins to hum. It's a quiet hum, not loud enough to be heard out where the others are fighting but it vibrates even through stone. The recovering monks assure them that it is done, the wards are back up and no demon will be able to enter the city.

Eventually the battle is won, all three battles. The demons fought back and killed, a major blow to their gate system that will keep them back for hopefully a long time. Those waiting in the caverns return to the city and by the time they get there the illusions are gone. Everyone can see the world for what it really is.

But despite the ruins of their world the people are relieved, the adrenaline of the fight coursing through their veins and the mood is one of hope. They will build again, their people will survive.

All Voidtreckers please return to the Voidtrecker Express. Departure will be in a few hours

It has landed not too far from the city, cloaked to make it unnoticeable to the citizens, for all the good that does. No one has been particularly subtle this last week. People can begin regrouping, packing up the camp and getting any wounded not already healed to the train.

However roughly half an hour later another message appears on their SCA.

Passenger Persephone has requested we remain on system System #86525656412355 for an additional day to further assist the people of Erda. The Voidtrecker Express will depart on the morning of Day Fifteen of the month of Kazoo.

The train remains where it is, so the voidtreckers can use its facilities. There is definitely a lot that can be done to assist those of this world and the citizens will welcome any helping hands.

After an extra day they finally depart, returning to the void once more.

(OOC Note: Once the wards are up any characters who are demonic in nature will not be able to enter the city either!)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

No matter what he does, Thanatos is going to feel it. He's run himself into the ground this mission, but seeing this... Thanatos realizes he'd do it all again and more if it meant laying the foundation to allow Persephone to return life to the world. It's strange how that determination feels so familiar. He can't place why.

However, he nods. Thanatos is going to stay here as long as he's able, even if he ends up falling asleep again. He wants to cram every bit of this painful feeling into his being. Embrace it. Beg for it not to leave him when Thanatos knows that he's the one needing to leave. There's never enough time.

"I'm grateful. For what you've shown."

Persephone tugs him down to sit beside her, since moving will not be happening for her until she can strongarm someone into being her crutch. Zagreus maybe. Find one of Zetta's prinnies. Something.

"I'm glad you like it. I asked what they needed but some of it was my own spin, I hate things too perfect. It's not really real unless it has some messy edges. Vines and weeds and life sneaking up where you least need or expect it. Perfect is made, manufactured, cookie cutter, the same every time." She pauses, "Or at least, that what someone once told me about my spring."

There's no resistance from Thanatos as Persephone pulls him down to the rich earth and grass beneath them. He lets his hand falls and brushes his fingers over the delicate blades. "No."

He says softly and with more fondness than he expects. "Life can be orderly, controlled, molded, but that's... that's not what it is... is it? Life's stubborn, driven, sometimes infuriatingly so. The gods can strike down in their fury, and somehow Life manages to defy fate and find a way to survive." He thinks about the pockets of life on the surface, living with all their heart and making the most of the time available.

Thanatos rubs at his eyes, finally realizing he's been crying. Crying. "Blood and darkness... Isn't life and death supposed to be one and the same? What is wrong with my world?"

Persephone leans on him a little, eyes half closed. This isn't bad, the sunlight and the green and the smell of flowers. And as he speaks, her hands curl in her lap and she has to blink away the tears.

What's wrong with his world. Her. She's not at home, bringing in the spring or helping her mother or bringing the fertility to the earth. Isn't that what she is? A fertility goddess? Her mother may have not known or not said so, might have pretended, but that is what this feels like it. This world brought to life.

And she's gone. Not down below, not up above, not calming her mother or helping her husband or bringing the world into life. Just gone. And she gets it, she thinks, why she left. But it's still her. She's the piece out of tune.

"I'm sorry."

"Back on the train... Someone thought my twin would be Life. It'd make sense in a way, but there isn't one. Not that I know of..." Saying it out loud, or trying to, makes that pain in his heart all the more real and stronger. Thanatos shakes his head. How does he put it all into words. It's like how Devero said he missed his mother but on a level that's so much deeper. The feeling of being left alone and hurt that Ryo helped him see.

"Until now, I didn't realize. But seeing this..." To Thanatos, there is more than Persephone being out of tune. "I think... I feel like I'm incomplete. Broken. Why is there a God of Death but not a God of Life?"

There is a whole piece completely missing.

He can't hear what she's thinking, so it goes on in a direction she didn't expect, he doesn't blame her or see her apology as taking blame at all. She wipes her eyes, takes a deep breath and it catches.

He says something she's never thought about. There are gods for parts of Death beyond him. The guides of death, the one who ferries, and the one who receives many. But Life has no overarching deity. There are gods for harvest, for hunt and wilds, for all the bits and pieces of life, in its infinite variety, but no Life Incarnate.

"...I don't...I don't know. Gods of every bit of life but no gods for it all. And yet here you are. Taking on all death."

"They don't exist in your world either?" Thanatos asks softly. One doesn't exist. He doesn't have a counterpart, does he? But then why does he have this feeling? Why does he wants to reach out to all of this, embrace it, and never let it go? Now that he knows that absence is there, Thanatos doesn't think he could convince himself it's not there or move on.

Blood and darkness, this is similar to what a mortal feels when Thanatos takes a single loved-one but not the other, isn't it? But at least they knew what's missing in their life.

Thanatos sighs and lets his head hang. "We're not going to find answers here either way, but I... I don't know. It's a lot."

"Not that I'm aware of. But sometimes gods don't always appear in pairs, especially at the same time. Sometimes you have to wait it out."

There isn't much more she can offer besides hope, a soft hope, that perhaps it just bad timing, perhaps Life is young, still striving, still finding itself. She'd been born into her role, but not all are. Some create it. Some find it. Some chose it because they hate sand. She pats his hand and with it, a butterfly forms, light and soft, lighting on his wrist.

Gods don't always appear in pairs and at different times.... Thanatos knows that to be true. Sleep doesn't have a counterpart who is Awake, even if some had joked Thanatos was Awake Incarnate because he never wanted to go to bed as a godling. No matter what, though, Thanatos does have to wait. He can't do anything for his world stuck on the train like this, and back at home, he doesn't have the freedom to search for a possible god of life.

He looks at the butterfly on his wrist and coaxes it to his fingers. "I don't think I ever mentioned why I followed the butterflies back then, did I? "

With the hand not occupied, he forms a fist and then opens it upwards to face the sky. A purple butterfly with wing-spots resembling eyes appears in his palm. It slowly opens and closes its wings before taking flight to circle around Persephone. Yes, it looks remarkably similar to the one Zagreus wears.

Persephone reaches out in delight, trying to touch the butterfly with the very tips of her fingertips, as if it might vanish. How strange that she, of the very world the butterflies fly through, the brilliance of spring and beginnings, should have the same sacred creature as him, of the depth and the end of all things.

"We have the same creature in common!" She holds her hand up to entice it to land, eyes bright despite her exhaustion. It's so pretty and--and familiar. It takes a moment and then, "That explains the brooch I saw Zagreus wearing."

Butterflies are no strangers to the Underworld, and given the frozen expanse above, butterflies are rare on the surface.

"I... yes. I gave that to him back home." Suddenly the grass beneath them looks very interesting. Thanatos feels his cheeks and ears go hot. Maybe he should cover up again.... "Since the Olympians aren't here to give him boons, I used my points to get it for him again. It makes him stronger."

Persephone glances up at him through the veil of her hair. He blushes gold, a brilliant stain of ichor. Doesn't want to be linked to his friend? Unless...

"It's kind of you." She hums, the butterfly light on her fingertips. "Is there... Are you two...?"

Thanatos has to look at Persephone then. A completely puzzled look is on his face.

"Are we what? Friends? I thought that was obvious by now." What else could she be referring to? Is this some world different--it must be given that Zagreus isn't around in her world. "He's also my Prince since he's the Prince of the Underworld. But he's not a coworker."

"I swear to the gods." Persephone mutters under her breath. Is the obtuseness for real or just trying to change the subject? She raises an eyebrow.

"I meant--well I meant that maybe you're more than friends? I know friends are great, but you know, are you seeing each other?"

Sometimes she is good at dancing around subjects, sometimes she's very cautious and kind, and then sometimes she is blunt. She's tired. She's drained. So she is blunt.

"..."

Please give Thanatos a moment as he is thinking. More than friends? Didn't he just answer that? And what does Persephone mean by...

"Seeing each other?"

Please wait another moment to process this thing he hasn't thought about at all involving himself.

"W-Wait, do mean romantically? Me and Zag... Persephone, I'm Death Incarnate. Of course we're not seeing each other."

Persephone leans her head on his shoulder and transfers the purple butterfly to her wrist, watching its wings slowly open and close.

"And I'm the goddess of spring and apparently I marry the God of the Dead. Do you have a point with this line of reasoning or are you actually not interested in him?"

"He's the Prince of the Underworld, the son of my boss, and... and I've never, I mean, I don't even..." Thanatos isn't sure how he wants to finish that sentence or if he should even try.

"Things are already complicated enough between us, and I have never once fallen under Aphrodite's domain."

"I didn't ask the reasons why you shouldn't. I asked if you did. But that's fine."

She yawns, turning her face into his shoulder to prevent doing it right into his face.

"Shame though, kissing is fun. Crushes are less so, but still."

"I'll take your word for it. I guess. Having done neither."

How he feels (Ugh, why does that keep coming up? Not feeling anything was so much easier!) about Zagreus is because they're friends.... Right? Thanatos just stares at some point in the lush green life. It provides him with no answers, but it gives him something to look at as he thinks.

Thinking provides him with no answers either. Just a lot more questions.

"How would you even tell?"

"I mean, I've had a single crush and a single relationship but sure, I'll try to explain..." Her free hand comes up as she tries to explain with gestures while her eyes are still half closed. This is the half asleep guide to crushes with Persephone.

"Do you like looking at their face? Do you wish you could spend more time with them because it's so nice but it also sometimes makes you so nervous because what if you mess it up? Do you want to do things for them just because? Do you keep mentioning them because they're always on your mind but also try to stop yourself sometimes because it's nice to have this person to yourself? So on, so forth."

Does he like looking at Zag's face? ... He seems to have the opposite problem. Sometimes it's hard to keep looking at his face even when he tries to. Zero.

Does he wish he could spend more time with Zagreus because it's so nice, but it also sometimes makes him so nervous because what if he messes it up? Yes. Things seem to okay, and Thanatos does want to spend time with him. And... he's worried about doing something to ruin it again like back home. Even if Zagreus was also to blame for that. One.

Does he want to do things for Zagreus just because? Yes... but how is that different than what Thanatos wants to do for his friends? Still, one. Probably.

Does he keep mentioning Zagreus because he's always on his mind but also try to stop himself sometimes because it's nice to have this person to himself? Thanatos does mention and think of Zagreus a lot, but it's because he worries about him. However, keep Zagreus to himself? That's laughable. Thanatos knows he'd never be able to. That's just not how Zagreus is. He gives himself to so many. Half.

"2.5 out of 4," Thanatos finally says after a long silence. "That result would get me a performance evaluation and a five-step plan to get back on track."

Persephone waits out the silence, eyes closed. The world is not silent around them, the little noises of a world coming back to life, the children far off, the people pluck apples from trees, cucumbers from vines, going about a green and lush life.

Beside her, Thanatos is silent. It is calm, peaceful. Then he speaks and she cracks an eye open, turns to look at him with a flat unimpressed expression.

"This is not a performance review. You're not at work and Hades is not asking you to rate your hots for Zagreus on a scale of one to ten. I can't believe you gave yourself half points."

"Tsch. How else was I supposed to score mentioning Zagreus to others but also wanting to keep him to myself? Yes, I do think about Zagreus a lot, but I also know I could never have him to myself. There's no chance. He'd need things I can't give him, and he becomes something for so many others."

He shakes his head. Fine. No half points then.

"2 out of 4. And one of the points is something I've been doing for all my friends, which I have more than one now thanks to this train, so really, isn't it 1 out of 4? That has to mean I don't have a crush on Zagreus... right?"

"I don't mean that you always want to keep them to yourself, just that sometimes you want to." How did this go from two and a half to one? Wait wait wait.

"... Okay look. Maybe you don't, maybe I'm reading too much into innocent friendly things. But the knowing you can't give them everything just means you're honest. No one is everything to someone. And the way people have crushes is different. Mine have been very different because they're very different people who attracted me with different things. The way I react, the things I like about them are different. This isn't a puzzle you can solve with x number of yeses."

She huffs, closing her eyes again, "I could give you more questions. Do you want to stay with them, through everything? Do you want to sleep next to them, wake up to them beside you? But you're really good at talking yourself out of things. So just why are you doing that? That's what you really need to think about."

Thanatos starts once more to answer her questions, marking them like he would one of his reports because he doesn't have too many other frames of reference. After a bit, his thoughts drift to a conversation he had with Ryo, and how his insides seem to twist inside him suggest he's on the right path for his thinking. Something that he hasn't come to terms with because the other party involved has already figured it out, leaving him feeling alone. Lost. Left behind.

"... Won't it just hurt more when he's gone again? Or when he dies again... and again?"

This doesn't even factor in Thanatos's feelings about Zagreus (and Mother Nyx) freeing Sisyphus. He's still trying to deny that happening.

The Will to Fight: Conclusion

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