middleofsomewhere | So Familiar a Gleam: Conclusion

Entry tags:

So Familiar a Gleam: Conclusion

Time to leave!

There is not much of the city left, but the park is holding together as those anchoring help those who are not voidtreckers through back to where they belong. Monsters continue to attack and a little further out there is a battle of hearts and minds being fought with the mass of colours and chaos.

Eventually, after the bulk of citizens had been evacuated everyone with SCA's on would hear Jin-Roh's voice after a few frantic beeps, as Chiff aligned everyone's SCA's. "We are almost done here, if you are with anyone not tethered to a voidcraft get them to the evacuation point, as quickly as possible."

Anan pulls out of the anchoring point to call out to any defenders in the park. "Come on! Anyone who isn't a voidtrecker! It's time to go."

Luckily those off fighting the entity headed the message and made their way to the park as Jin Roh spoke again.

"Everyone else get ready. When we call it you need to leave. If you don't have your SCA on then get to someone who does."

As the last people rushed to the park Anan calls out again, through her SCA and outloud to the park. "You need to unanchor, before you can evacuate. Everyone be ready."

She goes in again though, because there are some last people, those from the large battle, getting through as another message was called.

"Almost there. Be ready. On my command..."

Anan unanchored again. "Quick everyone unanchor."

"NOW" Jin Roh's voice came through strong on their SCA's. Hopefully those with SCA's would grab those without.

There is some outside help as well, the train pulls anyone who is unconscious or still under the entity's control, forcibly evacuating them. This includes Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji and Zagreus.

Luggage Carriage

There has been a mass evacuation before and that was crazy enough but since then the population of the train has almost doubled and now it is an extremely tight squeeze as everyone crashes into the luggage carriage at the same time.

The train jerks and rolls as they enter into the void at breakneck speed and again as they seem to slow, rather than speeding off though the void.

There's a crackling from their SCA's. "Voidtreckers? Voidtreckers come in!" Anan's voice. "Please tell me you made it..."

There's only a few moments of signal and soon they are flying though the void again, away from the strange non-world, the entity sealed for now. To new adventures, but first hopefully some time to recover from all that has happened.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Essek watches him carefully, unsure if he did the right thing, unsure if he should have spoken up, if he should be in the room. Unsure if he deserves the thanks. All he feels is shame, guilt, and an undeniable unworthiness about the whole thing, all of it mixed with a deep wary exhaustion. But Caleb deserved to have his fear of that monster alleviated, so if Essek chose wrong, destroyed an outcome, then.. well, just another sin for his long list.

"My reiterating your triumph is hardly worth thanks," nor was his contribution to the fight, or any of it. "I--..." he closes his eyes to reorient his mind, "I can leave if you need time alone."

"hope is always worth it. ... Or some of the others would say that." Some days, he's not so sure.

"Don't -" He cries out before shrinking back. "Don't leave me alone. I can't... stand being in here alone. Not in a place like this." Not in a place too much like a cell.

Essek flinches when Caleb cries out, his eyes going a little wild and distant for a second. So rarely has the man raised his voice around Essek that the second he does he feels the echo of Caleb screaming Jester's name in the Astral Sea and it feels like the air has been stolen from his lungs again.

But it's not, so with a shaky breath, he pulls himself back to the present, trying to hide his shaking hands. "I--" He takes a measured breath and moves Caleb's bedside. While he feels he doesn't deserve to be here, if Caleb wishes for company and is okay with Essek being that company, then who is he to deny him. "Of course, I'll stay as long as you need me, Caleb."

Did he do something terrible? - But no, Essek seems to have at least calmed down some. He's in no state to pursue that kind of questioning, though. He finally sits down on the bed, close to Essek but not touching.

".... We're going to need to talk about how we were put together in that place at some point, you know."

He's probably in no state for this talk either, but here he is.

Edited 2021-07-26 09:21 (UTC)

"You're referring to our... ah, marriage yes?"

That was something that needed to be addressed, but Essek wasn't sure if he was in the right mental state to approach the topic, let alone how to go about it. Too much of it hit too close, like some kind of waking dream where he got to pretend he wasn't a terrible person and could get what he wanted.

"... I understand if now isn't the time. But we're going to have to talk about it at some point, as much as we both want to avoid it."

He knows he's obvious and gods know Essek is obvious, too.

And he knew that if they did not talk about it now, there was a good chance they would further avoid it in the future. Or at least Essek would, matters of emotion and heart were not easy for him. Perhaps now wasn't the best time, but it could very well be the easiest time Caleb would have pinning him down for this.

"If... if you feel well enough to address it, then- well, I'm willing."

"I don't, but I'm going to do it anyway. You know how I can be stubborn." He folds his hands in his lap and takes a deep breath.

"... You know I care for you. I just... I don't know how you feel about me in return. I know we've both done terrible things - and now is not the time to compare them - and we are not..."

How to say this? "... I suppose one of my biggest worries is that... you are much older than me by years, and will live far longer. And I do not... I don't want to rip anything out from underneath you more than I already have. I..."

He wipes at his face with the back of his hand. "... I do not want to hurt you. I do not want to put you in danger." Even if Ikithon is gone, the choice for his replacement is obvious. She's ambitious enough for it, and has outright stated she wants the seat. Putting another target on the drow's back is the last thing he wants to do.

He doesn't know, because Caleb shouldn't care for him, not really, because Essek ruined it all, destroyed it with an act of betrayal years before he even met the man. Whatever they've rebuilt, whatever trust and friendship he won back through tirelessly proving himself in Aeor and beyond, Caleb hasn't lived that. How could he care for Essek? The idea that it existed before that... it makes- it reshapes all of that time and he feels like the air is being stolen from him.

"I-" he shakes his head, eyes glued on Caleb's hands, unable to look the other man in the eyes, because he doesn't know how to do this, how to approach this. So many emotions are new to him, foreign, especially when it comes to this man. This stupid, brilliant man who is trying to pull some idiotic self martyrdom. The tears he blinks back wet and clump his eyelashes.

"I cannot say I'm not confused, I'm-.." overwhelmed, "I do care for you, more than I-" he shakes his head - it's too much, too little.

"But," he ducks his head to look up at Caleb, catch his eyes and hold them, "if you are suggesting to push me away because of some intention to spare me pain, to deny decades of happiness we could share before your death - a death that will wound me to my core regardless of how we share our lives - you are a fucking idiot."

Tears finally escape his eyes, overwhelmed, "Nothing I do is safe and I will bring danger into your life, but... I am willing to risk it if you are. Because I trust you, Caleb Widogast."

Edited 2021-07-27 03:20 (UTC)

It's a lot. It's so much, and he tries to breathe, but then Essek catches his gaze and he can't -

The swear gets a bark of exhausted laughter from him. He can't hold the tears back anymore, so he just lets them fall freely. There's no point in hiding them.

"I... I trust you too, Essek Thelyss. If this is a bad idea... we've both had worse, ja?"

There's a laugh at that, a little choked and shakey, because he's so tired, he feels so vulnerable and exposed. But there's no one he trusts that with more than this man. He looks away, wiping at his tears.

"Infinitely so," because Caleb will never be a bad idea. Pulling his sleeve down, he looks up almost shyly at the other man and reaches to wipe at Caleb's tears.

"I will take whatever you're willing to give me, but please do not hurt us both by trying to save me from something I cannot be saved from."

"... I will try. I... will try." He reaches out to take Essek's free hand and hold it gently. This wonderful, wonderful man he cares about so deeply.

"We can take it slow. There's no need to rush anything."

He's still confused, unsure, and very overwhelmed, but the feel of Caleb's hand holding his own, it makes him smile softly. Essek doesn't fully understand what all this means, but he'll take what Caleb is willing to give him.

"I would appreciate that," to both things, all of it, beyond that. He has a lot to work through, a lot to digest. For now, he wipes at the tears that streaked Caleb's cheeks.

He nods and tilts his head forward, pressing his forehead to Essek's and keeping it there for a bit.

"We'll work through whatever we need to. This place... at home... whatever it is, we'll get through it. We will keep each other safe." At the very least, that' what friends do, and they're more than that... somehow. He needs to set that down as a start, at least.

Essek feels his heart stutter and pound at Caleb's proximity, at the touch, at the familiarity of it. His cheeks and the tips of his ears warm and darken a little as he blushes, to be cared for so kindly by this extraordinarily brilliant and good man, he feels wholly unworthy of it.

"I-..." he takes a breath, choosing for now to put his fears and guilt aside, his worries about all of this - what this could change - aside. Just for now. "At your side, I feel as if I would be a fool to doubt those words... And I cannot think of a place I would more rather be."

"... I can't think of a better place to be than at your side, either." He presses a kiss to the center of Essek's forehead before pulling away slightly. "I'm here for you. I'll be here for you as long as I can. I promise you that. I will not give up on you, so do not give up on yourself."

The kiss before Caleb pulls away makes him smile so softly, still flushed as he looks up at Caleb through his lashes. He doesn't know what he has done to deserve to be in this moment with this incredible man, not when he's barely redeemed himself, barely begun his penance, but he also doesn't have the heart to deny Caleb by denying himself.

"I will try, though... please afford me the same courtesy and do not give up on yourself," he tentatively brushes some hair from Caleb's face. "Because you deserve good things, especially kindness," he catches Caleb's eyes again, expression sincere and soft, "you do, especially from yourself."

"... I will try. I can only promise to try." They've both fallen so hard, but it was enough to find each other. If circumstances were different, they would never have found each other.

... But he can't change the past.

(Not yet, a small part of him thinks.) He has to deal with what's in front of him, and what's in front of him right now... he cares more deeply about than he has for anyone in a very long time.

"... We should both try to rest. I can... move over if you'd like?" Unless Essek's going to hover, in which case it'd be fine.

Essek was saved from having to answer Caleb's question immediately by a knock on the door. Leia hadn't been snooping, but even with her senses somewhat muted due to exhaustion, it had been easy to pick up the shift in the emotions of the two men in the room. Thus, with them both seemingly more settled, she figured she wouldn't be too disruptive if she entered just then.

She opened the door and walked in, carrying a tray with tea- in an actual teapot and cups, rather than what one got from the hot drink machine- and gave them a small smile. "I hope you don't mind," she said. "I thought I've bring you two some tea. After everything that happened, I imagine you could use it." They all could really, but Leia could get her own later.

Even if all Caleb promised was to try, that was more than enough for Essek, because that's sometimes the best anyone can do is to try their best, that's what the Nein taught him. It settles him, at least until the immediate panic he feels at Caleb's question of... was he inviting Essek to lay down with him? Was this a Nein friendship thing? Everyone did group up in their sleep at times. Or was this a more than friendship thing? Essek and Caleb did share a bed while they were illusion married, so it could be a more intima-

The sound of Leia coming in gives him immediate relief from having to answer that question just yet.

"Ah, yes! Thank you, tea would be wonderful actually," Essek might be a little too eager in replying, standing up to make sure he's not in the way.

He waits for Essek to finish having an internal crisis over the question, but it's interrupted by Leia at the door. He smiles a little bashfully, moving to get up to help, but - no. His head pounds and he slumps back into the bed.

"Tea... tea would be great, thank you."

Leia's smile broadened slightly at Essek's somewhat too eager response, but she nodded her thanks to him for moving, as it made it easier to set the tray on the bedside table. Caleb got a somewhat less amused look for his attempt at getting up when he shouldn't have, though it was a brief one. "I don't think you're quite up for that yet," she said as she poured them each a cup of tea. "Though by all reports, you're doing significantly better than you were." Encouraging, but still demonstrating that yes, he really did need to be in medical just then, no matter how much he disliked it.

She then glanced back to Essek. "I'm guessing that you're planning to stay awhile?", she asked. It was a genuine question, but only because she didn't like to assume. She didn't seem displeased with the idea, either way.

Essek is only steady on his feet because he's floating off the ground, without it he probably would have stumbled in his exhaustion and mental turmoil. So much of his mind and head still ache with real and remembered pain, but he doesn't want to let on. Instead wishing to further repress and compartmentalize it, to allow his darker skin tone to help mask most of the physical signs, he wants to keep it tucked away so Caleb won't worry for him. Not when Caleb needs to focus on his own healing, even with Leia's reassuring report.

The question catches him off guard, his eyes looking up at the other woman for a moment. Caleb seemed to want him here, wanted him to stay if the offer was anything to go by... and he wants to be here, wants to stay near this brilliant, but hurting man, so...

"If that's acceptable, I would like to stay," he speaks respectfully, eyes lowered in mild difference to her. "I can make sure that he gets some more rest soon."

"No, apparently not." He slowly makes sure his sitting position is at least stable before he reaches out for the tea. "I am... I will be all right. And... yes, if it's not a problem, I would... I would like him here." His cheeks flush dark and he simply sips at the tea slowly. ... Maybe he should get his hands on some of Caduceus' tea. This isn't bad, but just different.

"I promise we won't be loud or make trouble for the other patients." He grins a slightly lopsided grin at Leia - it's not like the two of them are normally loud, anyway.

"I doubt either of you really have the energy to be very loud at the moment," Leia said giving a bit of a wry smile. She was in the same boat herself, honestly. "But it's more than acceptable. In fact, if I could assign you both to the same recovery room I would; you're obviously both helping each other by being together." She suspected there was a good bit more to it than that, but she wasn't going to pry.

"So yes, you're welcome to stay as long as you like, and to come back after the train decides to return everyone to their bunks, if you wish," she told Essek. "Provided that you get some rest too. Don't think you're fooling me just because you can float. You're still recovering too, so don't overexert yourself, understand?" He got the same sort of mildly stern look that Caleb had gotten when he'd tried to stand up.

So Familiar a Gleam: Conclusion

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

Sorry this is late!