middleofsomewhere | Memory Cave

"That is not your fault at--" He starts, but is then abruptly stopped. Inigo was so caught up in the sound of Gyousou's voice, trying to catch every word that came across the other's lips, that Inigo hardly even realised Gyousou had been walking closer to him until he's suddenly already there.

And then there's those arms encircling him. There isn't a total lack of warning, it's not nearly as sudden as Inigo starts clinging to others out of the blue. But it's still.. so surprising to him. He expected nothing but disappointment from Gyousou. Maybe the other would even think he'd be a bad influence on Taiki - always lying, always hiding. He expected more rejection.

Not this. Gyousou hugging him renders Inigo completely speechless, and by the time he finally dares to turn his head upward to look at the older man, there are tears in Inigo's eyes.

Slowly he realises what Gyousou must have seen. I allowed myself to be fooled by your smile, and believed you were not struggling. He can't think of a single memory from the past that would show that, but he can think of a very recent one. Those words from his father that haunt him to this day. The rejection he feared seeing in his father's eyes so much that he turned away from it. The many times he feared seeing the same from Gyousou if Inigo wouldn't leave a good enough impresison - because he too was a king. And even though Gyousou and Chrom are two very different people, there's just enough about Gyousou's seemingly innate regality that remind Inigo of the great Exalt, the specter of his father that haunted him until he met Chrom again in the past.

"Milord, please.. don't be disappointed in yourself." Inigo feels the tears rolling down his cheeks, but it's far, far too late to try and stop them at this point. "You're so impressive, and I-- I didn't want to make a bad impression.." Inigo hesitates. But Gyousou must have seen for him to mention these things, so maybe for once he can actually say-- "I didn't want to be a disappointment again.."

He shakes his head.

"And now I've invaded your private memories." Even though he didn't intend to, it doesn't matter. Besides-- "And I saw you on your way to getting--"

Executed.

Inigo knows what it was. He knows what was about to happen back there.

But the idea of Gyousou being executed threatens to rip his heart in pieces so much that he can't even get the word across his lips. Instead it only makes the tears flow even heavier.

The tears are worse, somehow, for the day-old memory of the weight of the feelings behind them. He decides, in the moment that he feels his shirt growing damp, and looks down to see Inigo attempting valiantly to master himself, that this is a gift, that they have been given this understanding.

He will do his best not to waste it.

But his expression sinks as Inigo continues, because, of course. Fair, it seems, is fair. The sentence is incomplete, but only one journey he recalls merits the wordless grief he's seeing.

"I'm just a person, Inigo," he points out. "That is, in the end, what kings are. Powerful people, trusted with the lives of thousands, but infinitely capable of mistakes. You saw... the result of mine. I trusted the wrong person, believed myself clever, and impressive, and well-loved, and I was betrayed. I lost my kingdom, my people, and... yes, had I not come here, perhaps my life. Your father believed himself wise in his measure of you, and in his belief lost a chance to know a fine warrior, and a loyal friend."

He pulls away. Not far, because he feels that if he breaks the physical link to Inigo that something might snap beyond repair, but to arms' length. "For all I invaded your privacy in turn, I cannot help but be glad that seeing his mistake will allow me to correct mine. And, if I might be bold... I was glad to see your mother, just now. She seems a kind and radiant woman, and I see her in you."

Gyousou is just a person. It's true - after all, here he is, standing in front of Inigo, even now still touching him - but for some reason it feels hard for Inigo's mind to wrap itself around the thought. Every since he learned Gyousou was a king from the first time they met on the platform, it's been hard for Inigo to view Gyousou as anything else. He perfectly fits the idea of a king that Inigo has in his mind, after all.

.. but he is right. He is just a person. Maybe Inigo has been unfair in his rigid view towards the other, he thinks now with a sense of guilt in his stomach.

(But deep down he might know why it's so hard to view Gyousou as a person. Because then he has to view his father as a person too, as someone who could have made a mistake when he called him a disappointment rather than as an infallible king who was just telling Inigo a truth he already knew--)

The new mention of his mother makes his train of thought stop.

"Mother.." He echoes back at Gyousou, still feeling the tears slide down his cheeks, though slower now. ".. You are right. Mother truly was the most kind and gracious person I've ever known. She was so amazing.. It's no wonder that she ended up marrying my father, even though she was only a commoner and he was the Exalt."

His father must have seen the exact same thing in her that Gyousou sees now, that Inigo has always seen.

"I.. don't mind you being bold about that." He sniffs, trying to swallow his tears back down again. "I am merely glad that you were able to see a good memory as well. I'd prefer for you to see those, if you have to see any at all."

"I would prefer the same for you," he agrees. If this were Taiki, he might reach over and clear away the tear tracks on the boy's cheeks, but he isn't, and so he won't. He doesn't care to tell him to stop crying, not after seeing his parents do the same. One from embarrassment, and one from love. And not when, here, there is no one to judge a moment of lowered defences.

As Inigo speaks, he listens gravely, a smile returning to his face at his talk of his mother. "What are their names?"

That's an easy question. And that's good. Maybe easy questions are exactly what Inigo needs right now in order to have something to focus on that isn't just his own tears and his embarrassment about them.

"My father's name is Chrom." His voice is still raw from crying, but he speaks up all the same, never wanting to leave Gyousou hanging. Inigo even makes sure to actually look at him rather than avert his gaze. "And my mother's is Olivia."

He's quiet for a moment, thinking. If Gyousou really saw his talk with his father in the past, then..

"They both died when I was younger. It's why you must have seen father look so young as he was talking to me. I travelled back to the past, to a time before I was born, and so I met them again. I don't have many memories of my father from before he died, considering he always had his hands full as the Exalt." Hence how he knows exactly what Gyousou must have seen.

"Indeed, you spoke to him of coming from the future," Gyousou keeps his voice level, even if he is, now, impossibly curious about what Inigo might have seen in exchange. His own memories of his parents are hazy, fifty years old, and hardly as meaningful as Inigo's formative experiences. He's even more curious about the methods Inigo and his sister used to return; the reasons for doing so are clear enough. How often has he wished for a similar solution?

But they are not talking of that. He considers, meeting Inigo's eyes with approval when the warrior looks back up, and decides to speak out on more of his opinions.

He's had time to think, after all.

"I cannot speak for him, but from an outside perspective, your relationship with Chrom is not as hopeless as you felt it to be. In fact, I believe he was on the verge of apologising in that moment... but I understand that the conversation was, by then, insupportable." His smile grows, a trace of the confidence and warmth flickering back into red eyes and the curl of his mouth. "People say terrible things when they are worried."

This isn't right. It doesn't feel right. Inigo knows he shouldn't just be speaking of himself here. Even though he's not sure he's capable of doing so, perhaps he should reassure Gyousou now he knows of that terrible execution, or maybe he should tell him about the other memory he saw. He should nod and accept what Gyousou is saying without questioning it, for the man radiates the kind of confidence that says he's so sure about what he's saying, despite speaking of another world's matters.

But there is just something about the combination of what Gyousou is saying with that warmth in his smile that breaks a dam inside of Inigo, and before he knows what he's doing or has time to have second thoughts, the words already spill across his lips.

"Then why didn't he just tell me he was worried..?" Inigo's voice is different now. Tinier. He was trying to keep at least some tiny hint of strength up in front of someone he wants to impress so badly, but it's gone now. Inigo very much sounds like the child he still is now as the tears flow again - slow, but present. "Why couldn't he just say he was proud of me..? Or.. why couldn't he at least tell me that I did a good job on staying strong for so long..? I just-- I just wanted him to acknowledge that I did the right thing by not giving up all this time, even though it was so hard..."

"I have never met him," Gyousou points out, first. "But I feel as though I have, through your eyes. And I have met men such as him. I have served men such as him, and I have been a man such as him. He must have been struggling, as much as you, with the weight of his office and the lives in his hands, and so allowed his fear for you to override his reason. How do you know he would not have told you such things? Pride, acknowledgement... Your own fear had you prevent him from speaking, because you had already decided what it was he would say."

He pauses, but not long enough to be interrupted. His eyes are serious, suddenly.

"Let me tell you-- to become king, I made a pilgrimage to Mount Hou, along with thousands of my fellow citizens. I had achieved great things in the turmoil of the previous king's rule, and many thought that I would be chosen. Taiki was a bright, likeable child, and I wished with all my heart to see him look at me and say, here. Here, before me, is the king. But instead, he wished me a safe journey home. He did not choose me... but he begged me to stay, and keep him company. To remain as a general in Tai, so that he might see me in the future. And I, shaken by being found wanting, refused. I left, unable to face my own disappointment."

Unspoken, he hopes, is the fact that, at some point in the interim, he was chosen. "To end the story there... wouldn't it be a tragedy?"

Maybe it's a good thing that Gyousou moves on to his own example, since Inigo's heart is so fragile right now. Despite the older man hitting the nail exactly on the head with those last few words, the boy isn't quite ready to handle their weight yet.

Instead he wordlessly listens to the story, the only sound coming from him being the slight sniffs as some tears still roll down his cheeks.

It's almost a little odd to hear a story like this from Gyousou - one that involves his own wants, his own wories, but it matches what the other had said earlier. He is just a person in the end.

Inigo swallows thickly, hoping his voice won't sound too thick with emotion as he speaks.

"I.. saw the end of that story, milord.. O-Or at least the continuation. I saw Taiki chose you."

It felt like such an important moment that Inigo feels like he most likely doesn't have to specify what moment it was. Gyousou will probably know.

"I felt all of it. And.. I know it wasn't right for me to do so, but I felt glad to feel your feelings towards Taiki. They're very strong."

Ah, so that's it. He's relieved. He exhales, thinking back to that moment. His expression softens as he remembers it, even if his smile is a little pained. That innocent child is long gone, he supposes, having grown into a subtle and wary young man.

"That simplifies the tale somewhat. Yes, he chose me, that very night... Although he caused me a great deal of concern, worrying about it afterwards." His smile shifts back to warm, prideful and fierce. "I'm glad you could share that moment with us. He's magnificent, isn't he?"

"He is." That is something Inigo can easily agree on, regardless of his own current fragile state. "Though I wouldn't have had to see that memory to know as much."

Inigo has always thought of Taiki as someone great. Great in a different way than Gyousou, sure, as evidenced by the different ways he treats the two, but great all the same. Taiki is strong when he has to be and soft when he has to be in ways that Inigo feels he himself can only flounder to accomplish.

He is rather glad though to have seen Taiki's other form - it had been really pretty. Just as he imagined.

".. I'm glad the two of you have each other, lord Gyousou. It's very obvious how fond you are of each other. And.." He hesitates for a moment, gaze lowering before it meets the older man's once more. "In tough times.. it's good to have someone like that."

He thinks back to that other memory, the first one back on the train. Inigo had been too panicked due to that memory before to fully realise, but now he gets it. Gyousou had been looking for someone back then. It must have been Taiki.

Momentarily lost in reminiscence, Gyousou still hums appreciatively at Inigo's statement. It settles something within him. "Agreed. I would prefer to undergo great trials together with Taiki than live a meaningless existence alone."

Which is, he supposes, why he was chosen to be the king. He pauses, then laughs. Glances around the cave, its associations still muted. And, perhaps, blurred with a field of flowers and the laugh of a mother and child. "Perhaps that is the point of this... a forcing of our hands. A problem shared is a problem halved."

Gyousou is right, he thinks.

Not that it's an uncommon thought to have. Inigo usually thinks Gyousou is right, but it feels like the other manages to hit the nail straight on the head particularly well this time, even though it renders Inigo quiet for a moment.

There's the faintest shade of pink on his face, shame climbing up onto his cheeks.

"Forcing is a good word for it. I.. don't talk about these things." Most of the time, anyway. Anything he can hide gets shoved straight under the rug. Gyousou must have heard him say as much to his father if he saw that memory, so it feels less hard to admit it. "Perhaps whatever forces are at work here thought this was the only way anyone would know."

"It isn't something that would have occurred to me to ask," he admits. "I'm not one to let things sorts themselves out, but I have only lived in the one world..."

He pauses, then remembers his rather embarrassing time on the ICPs trying to understand reproduction as others saw it. Inigo saw that, he recalls. "Living up to a parent's expectations is a rather foreign concept, if I'm honest. But if you would like to talk about it, I would like to listen."

For a moment Inigo doesn't seem to get it. He gives Gyousou a bit of an odd look. How could the other not understand living up to your parents' expectations? Even though it doesn't seem like the role of king is passed down in quite the same way in Tai as it is in Inigo's world, he knows that it's not like only princes have expectations forced upon them. Isn't everyone trying to live up to their parents to some extent..?

.. But then he remembers the message over the ICPs too. By Naga.. Of course Gyousou wouldn't know if he was also a tree baby.

"It's.." He's still a little unsure of whether to talk about it, even as he starts. But Gyousou said he would like to listen. So it should be alright, shouldn't it..? "It's.. really hard. I imagine it's that way for most people-- in my world, at least." Since Gyousou's world has tree babies.

"But I do think it was even harder in my case, considering everyone knew who I was. Everyone knew who my father was. I didn't only have his expectations to live up to, but also everyone else's. Everyone compared me to him, expected me to be as great as him. Wise, calm, capable.. a leader."

He shakes his head, looking at the ground.

"And I was well aware of it, even as young as I was. And I knew that I couldn't live up to any of it. I wasn't someone who could be the next Exalt if something were to happen to my father and older sister.. I was just me."

The understanding that crosses Inigo's face is a relief, and so Gyousou settles in to listen, as promised. Until the natural pause, where he hums a moment and offers,

"One of the greatest mistakes a king can make is to try and emulate another king. The heavens chose them for their own qualities, rather than their resemblance to another... and, often, those qualities are not all good. But they are necessary. From our time together, I think 'just Inigo' is a force to be reckoned with... for what that may be worth."

At least Inigo sees nothing wrong with Gyousou refering to kings as being chosen by the heavens. Sure, there's a little more royal bloodline succession involved in it in Inigo's world than there is in Gyousou's own, but in the end Naga does have a hand in deciding who is worthy of the title and role and who isn't.

No, it's those latter words that may be wrong. Inigo doesn't think they can be right, no matter how much he hates to ever doubt Gyousou in the slightest.

Then again, that's the good thing about it. Inigo has a much harder time discarding compliments coming from the other, since it's just so darn hard to ever doubt him.

"T-.. Thank you for your kind words, milord." He bows his head for a moment before moving it back up. "I don't feel that I have any kingly qualities in general though, even when the comparison to my father is left aside." Or the comparison to Gyousou. He often feels like night and day when standing in front of him.

"You misunderstand. There are no inherently kingly qualities," he corrects. Perhaps the misunderstanding is deliberate, but after feeling Inigo's emotions twice over, he's unsure. "What is most important is your will, and your faith that you are here because you are necessary. That is true whether you are a farmer, a scholar, a soldier or a king. What your world needs may simply be 'Inigo'."

Memory Cave

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