middleofsomewhere | So Familiar a Gleam: Conclusion

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So Familiar a Gleam: Conclusion

Time to leave!

There is not much of the city left, but the park is holding together as those anchoring help those who are not voidtreckers through back to where they belong. Monsters continue to attack and a little further out there is a battle of hearts and minds being fought with the mass of colours and chaos.

Eventually, after the bulk of citizens had been evacuated everyone with SCA's on would hear Jin-Roh's voice after a few frantic beeps, as Chiff aligned everyone's SCA's. "We are almost done here, if you are with anyone not tethered to a voidcraft get them to the evacuation point, as quickly as possible."

Anan pulls out of the anchoring point to call out to any defenders in the park. "Come on! Anyone who isn't a voidtrecker! It's time to go."

Luckily those off fighting the entity headed the message and made their way to the park as Jin Roh spoke again.

"Everyone else get ready. When we call it you need to leave. If you don't have your SCA on then get to someone who does."

As the last people rushed to the park Anan calls out again, through her SCA and outloud to the park. "You need to unanchor, before you can evacuate. Everyone be ready."

She goes in again though, because there are some last people, those from the large battle, getting through as another message was called.

"Almost there. Be ready. On my command..."

Anan unanchored again. "Quick everyone unanchor."

"NOW" Jin Roh's voice came through strong on their SCA's. Hopefully those with SCA's would grab those without.

There is some outside help as well, the train pulls anyone who is unconscious or still under the entity's control, forcibly evacuating them. This includes Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji and Zagreus.

Luggage Carriage

There has been a mass evacuation before and that was crazy enough but since then the population of the train has almost doubled and now it is an extremely tight squeeze as everyone crashes into the luggage carriage at the same time.

The train jerks and rolls as they enter into the void at breakneck speed and again as they seem to slow, rather than speeding off though the void.

There's a crackling from their SCA's. "Voidtreckers? Voidtreckers come in!" Anan's voice. "Please tell me you made it..."

There's only a few moments of signal and soon they are flying though the void again, away from the strange non-world, the entity sealed for now. To new adventures, but first hopefully some time to recover from all that has happened.

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Muffled against Devero's chest, Koumyou eventually says quietly, "You're so good to me. You really, really are."

He peels his wet face away from Devero's wet shirt to look up at him, "I'm just this sad, broken old man, and here you are anyway."

"You're more than that," Devero insists, his voice gentle again. He brings a hand up to brush Koumyou's wet, tangled bangs away from his face. "You're the magician who's willpower is so strong you can use your chi without chanting. You're the only Sanzo who was strong enough to defend two sutras against the world for years. You're the doting father who rescued a drowning baby from a river and showered on him all the kindness and love you were denied through your own childhood.

"And you're the man who saw-- me," he adds, glancing away now. "The real me. And you cared enough to try and pry me out of-- of Valdana's obedient boy."

He meets Koumyou's eyes again, then closes his own and curls in to touch his forehead to the priest's. "There's no where else in the universe I want to be other than right here."

Edited 2021-08-05 03:10 (UTC)

Koumyou leans into the forehead-touch, even though his chakra between them is like a tiny, hard little marble. Dev might have an impression of it on his forehead if they hold this for long.

The priest's voice is rough with emotion, and -- well, defiance against his own fear--

"I love you so fucking much, Devero."

A smile spreads across Devero's lips. He laughs, this time exultant and-- proud? Yes, proud of his partner. He knows what those words mean; he knows what a vulnerability love is in the hell that Koumyou came from.

"And I fucking love you, Koumyou," he says, showing teeth with his grin. He catches the priest's cheek in one hand and bends to bring their lips together, fierce and urgent.

Koumyou hesitates for... maybe half a second, and then he's right there with Devero, returning the kiss and all its urgentness, smiling into it.

His heart is frantic with fear, but it has other things to feel, too.

Devero kisses Koumyou until he's breathless; he actually pants for air as he breaks away. "I'm here because I adore you," he whispers, inclining their foreheads together again. "Even if you can't believe it of yourself now, please-- just-- try to trust me, that you are someone worth adoring."

"I..." Koumyou takes a deep breath, "I'll try."

He does trust Devero, he does! He just has a hard time trusting the future.

"You know... you know I could kill half the people on this train and not feel anything about it, and you're still... you still feel that way about me! I..."

Koumyou squeezes his eyes shut, and for the third time tonight, says, "I love you."

"I know you could," Devero says, brushing back Koumyou's bangs. "But would you? If you didn't have to?"

Koumyou re-opens his eyes and regards Devero, "If I felt like I had any decent reason, I would."

It's less that he could kill, and more...

"The part of a person that would hesitate, or would feel something afterward... it's missing in me. I'd wash the blood off and go eat ice cream like nothing happened."

Devero strokes his fingers through Koumyou's hair again. "You compartmentalize," he says. "You wouldn't have been able to survive as long as you have if you didn't do something to cope with what you've had to do."

"You don't think it's just that I don't care?" Koumyou himself... clearly isn't sure. "You don't think it's just that whatever that is that other people have, I just don't? And maybe that's why I made it?"

"No," Devero says. "I don't think that. What I think is that a man who doesn't care, who's missing something fundamentally, would have let that baby drown, or passed him off immediately to a subordinate to deal with."

"Oh," Koumyou immediately feels a little dumb at that, but. He really was asking! And that's... a pretty compelling answer, honestly. "I... suppose."

"You've been through hell," Devero continues, his voice gentling. He continues combing his fingers through Koumyou's hair, following the unbound strands over his shoulder and down his back. "Just because everyone else where you come from has lived through the same hell, doesn't mean what you've experienced hasn't been-- been-- traumatic."

Koumyou reaches up to tuck a bit of Devero's hair behind his ear, too. Very, very gently. "You are so kind to me, my sweet Devero. But... would you tell me if you thought I was missing something, or if something in me was broken?"

It's a serious question, too.

"I would--" Devero starts, automatically, then falls silent. He wants to think that he would have the integrity to be honest with Koumyou, or that he wouldn't have allowed himself to get involved if he sensed that Koumyou was a warped or dangerous man, but....

He seems to shrink a little, averting his eyes. "I probably wouldn't even realize it," he says with a bitter laugh. "I'm not really the best judge of character, am I?"

Koumyou also averts his eyes, taking his hand back from Devero's hair.

"I mean, you give me the time of day, so."

So maybe not.

Valdana doesn't count, to Koumyou's mind -- she'd clearly hidden what she was until she'd gotten her hooks in so deep she'd convinced him she was the best he could ever hope for. Her type is not uncommon on Koumyou's world, really.

Devero lapses into silence then, the wind taken completely out of his sails. He rolls over onto his back, staring up into the shadows of the cot/shelf over their bed as if he might find some objectivity up there.

Koumyou shrinks back against the wall, once again feeling old and weak and foolish.

"I'm sorry. You... you really do deserve someone who doesn't make you sad all the time. Someone better than some shitty old man too traumatized to feel normal feelings."

"Shut up," Devero snaps, pressing his forearm across his eyes. All of sudden he's exhausted, all of his fatigue crashing back in on him, and his eyes prickle with overwhelmed tears. "I don't want someone else. I don't even want her and I haven't for years. I want you, Koumyou."

"Okay," Koumyou murmurs, and scoots closer on their narrow bed, cautiously reaching for Dev's other hand to offer a squeeze, and moving to rest the side of his head on Devero's nearest shoulder.

"I'm sorry," he repeats softly, but leaves it at that this time.

Devero lets Koumyou take his hand without reciprocating the pressure immediately. He wrestles with himself in a silence as fraught as it can be given his fatigue, then eventually he rolls towards the priest. He tucks his face into the sleeve of Koumyou's robe with a hitch of breath that's not quite a sob and moves to interlace his fingers with the priests.

"Everything she ever praised me for came from her," he says a moment later in a flat, quiet voice. "The only thing she cared about was how I reflected her: her handsome dance partner, her attractive lover, her-- her well-trained sub, her-- her fucking needy whore--" His voice chokes off and his breath hitches again, his fingers tightening on Koumyou's.

"You're not like that. You care about me. You see me. You're not like her!"

Is it Koumyou he's trying to convince, or himself?

"I'm not," Koumyou agreed quietly, which is also a pretty big step considering how haunted he still is by their first huge fight. "I'm not like that. You could never touch me again and I wouldn't feel any different about you. Or whe... if you leave me, I won't..."

He's not going to stop loving Devero.

"I'd still kill anyone who hurt you, even if we weren't together anymore. You're amazing, and wonderful, and the sweetest, kindest person I have ever known, and I'm not... I'm not using you, like she did."

Saying that out loud is for them both, really. But Koumyou loves Devero for Devero, not for what he can do for him. Not as a shiny accessory, like some piece of fetching jewelry.

That is a big step, and it heartens Devero to hear it. He squeezes Koumyou's fingers again, less fiercely this time. "You're not," he affirms, shifting so that he's laying his head on Koumyou's shoulder instead of hiding against it. More quietly: "...I still don't want you killing for me, though."

He doesn't want to fight about that right now, though, and moves on. "You're not like her," he repeats, then adds, "--and you're not like Ukoku either."

"If I feel like it's needed, I'll do it anyway," Koumyou warns him gently, despite Devero moving on so fast. If Devero's in actual danger, murder is absolutely on the table, and he doubts there's anything Dev could do to take it off.

"Like those creatures on the mission... even if they'd been fully sapient, or even human beings, I wouldn't have done anything differently."

They'd have still burned alive, been splattered, had their bones shattered. If Devero says he can see the 'I love you' Koumyou writes for him in blood, perhaps he'll understand that.

"...I don't know. Ukoku and I have more in common than I like to admit. Even though we're opposites on the surface, and in our sutras."

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cw sex-negative language

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