middleofsomewhere | Memory Cave

Perhaps Inigo thought he was being circumspect, making his excuses and avoiding Gyousou for the first day on the island. It had made things awkward, but after the vision, Gyousou was more than willing to allow any amount of awkwardness from Inigo. Especially after talk began to spread, and he came to believe that he might have seen something real, something from the warrior's past, without his knowledge or consent.

Unfortunately for the younger man, the wait had also given the king more time to think. By the morning of the second day, he had decided on a course of action, and had sought him out. "We need--" he managed, before the campsite falls away around him, and he's a child, spinning and laughing with a woman so graceful and full of life she might as well be an immortal. A world tinted with the excitement of youth, everything brighter and happier than an adult could even conceive of. And then, spinning, the world shifts again. Resolves into stone and glowing moss, a daunting sight-- but the fear he expects doesn't come. It's distant, the unpleasant memories associated with the drip of water onto ancient stone, their fangs removed.

It leaves him looking at Inigo, his eyes still damp with tears shed from a simple fall in a meadow, into a mother's arms. He clears his throat.

"-- We need to talk."

Honestly, Inigo was still busy making plans about how to avoid Gyousou the best he could for the upcoming few days they'd still be here. Or even on the train, if necessary. The fact that it's Gyousou makes it so much harder, since Inigo really doesn't want to be impolite to him, but maybe he could find some polite way to avoid him..

.. although he can throw all these plans straight into the trash the moment he notices Gyousou approaching him with purpose on the second day. Inigo's heart races for an instant, until suddenly everything fades.

Honestly, Inigo has no idea what's happening, but this is fine. He's okay with this. If this is how it all ends for him, then at least he never had to have that very, very awkward conversation with Gyousou. And that makes it okay.

But then there's another vision, much like the one from before, and Inigo already realises it's not just a random vision as he watches it. Even before he hears the name coming from Taiki's lips, he knows whose eyes he's looking through the moment he even sees Taiki turn into that human form. He knows that fondness he feels for the other in the memory that goes beyond even his own fond feelings for Taiki, the kind of feelings he knew Gyousou had for Taiki, no matter how much the latter liked to put himself down in front of Inigo.

And so it's not a surprise at all to find Gyousou right in front of him when the sight fades. Instead there's more momentary disappointment as he realises that - in sweet Naga's name - he didn't manage to escape Gyousou at all. Quite the opposite, since somehow Inigo can instinctively feel that there's no escaping this situation.

He's not even sure what to say as he stares at the other, hearing those words. They need to talk, that's probably true, but all Inigo can do is feel his face pale as way too many realisations hit him at once, in order from least to most severe. He violated Gyousou's privacy - though not intentionally - by seeing these moments of his life through the other's eyes. Gyousou, in turn, must have seen moments from Inigo's life, which has so many moments that he's always tried to carefully tuck away and hide from everyone.

And worst of all -- that lead up to an execution that had Inigo feels nauseous and tense all day yesterday. It was Gyousou's.

It takes absolutely all effort Inigo can muster to keep himself from crying right now. At least he can't cry. That's the only possible way he could make this situation even worse.

But he still can't fully keep his voice from shaking as he slowly speaks up.

"What.. do you wish to say, milord?"

Edited 2020-08-16 15:12 (UTC)

"These are not random visions," he begins, eminently aware that he balances on the knife-edge of Inigo's fear. Their conversation yesterday was a few spare words, he has nothing to go on. "Yesterday, I saw your father. Just now, I saw your mother, and we are..." A glance around, at the rock arching overhead. "... something is expected of us, here."

He settles, arms folded. Something about the motion is more evocative of a mantle, of robes, than the shirt he's wearing. "I won't apologise for that, since it seems we are being meddled with. But I will apologise for my treatment of you thus far. I allowed myself to be fooled by your smile, and believed you were not struggling. It... is regrettable."

His father, his mother.. Maybe the memories Gyousou saw weren't too bad then. It must have been memories from when he was young enough for them to be alive, and even though that's slightly embarrassing, Inigo can think of so many worse memories.

.. then again, does he even have any memories of his father from when he was little? Inigo doesn't even think he can actively remember any himself. What did he see?

But before Inigo can even think about whether or not to ask about it, Gyousou speaks on. And even in this situation, Inigo is attentive, listening, as if he wants to make sure to absolutely pay attention to the other.

Even though he regrets it instantly. His stomach sinks like lead.

".. Please forgive me." He hangs his head, unable to look Gyousou directly in the eyes - afraid of what he might find there. "I-- I know I shouldn't have fooled someone like you. It wasn't anything personal against you, milord, it was just.."

His voice trails off, and even though Inigo tried really hard to make his voice sound at least somewhat formal a moment ago, now it sounds much more vulnerable.

".. better."

The words have left his mouth, and Inigo's face is twisting, with something in his eyes that sends Gyousou's stomach dropping like a stone.

"That's--" he starts, that's not it, but, no. "There's--" he tries, there's nothing to forgive. He meant to apologise for not allowing Inigo to be himself, for allowing him to continue thinking weakness was failure. Taiki has long struggled with similar fears; why has he not noticed before now? Has he truly been blinded by his own worries?

"I am disappointed in myself, and myself alone," he explains, taking a step towards Inigo, and then another. "I pride myself on knowing those I fight alongside, and yet..."

Yet, if those visions are true, then Inigo is a much better actor than he knew, and from a very young age. His own tactics have failed. He has not been able to inspire enough confidence to overcome Inigo's fears. A personal failure, and one he feels deeply; his instincts have failed him yet again. So instead, he takes a page from Taiki's book. Looking down at Inigo for a moment, he offers a wan smile that will go unseen, and enfolds the young man in a hug.

Not too abruptly, of course. Far be it from him to grab another warrior without warning. But firmly, and with a certain inevitability, committing to it as he would a responsibility.

"That is not your fault at--" He starts, but is then abruptly stopped. Inigo was so caught up in the sound of Gyousou's voice, trying to catch every word that came across the other's lips, that Inigo hardly even realised Gyousou had been walking closer to him until he's suddenly already there.

And then there's those arms encircling him. There isn't a total lack of warning, it's not nearly as sudden as Inigo starts clinging to others out of the blue. But it's still.. so surprising to him. He expected nothing but disappointment from Gyousou. Maybe the other would even think he'd be a bad influence on Taiki - always lying, always hiding. He expected more rejection.

Not this. Gyousou hugging him renders Inigo completely speechless, and by the time he finally dares to turn his head upward to look at the older man, there are tears in Inigo's eyes.

Slowly he realises what Gyousou must have seen. I allowed myself to be fooled by your smile, and believed you were not struggling. He can't think of a single memory from the past that would show that, but he can think of a very recent one. Those words from his father that haunt him to this day. The rejection he feared seeing in his father's eyes so much that he turned away from it. The many times he feared seeing the same from Gyousou if Inigo wouldn't leave a good enough impresison - because he too was a king. And even though Gyousou and Chrom are two very different people, there's just enough about Gyousou's seemingly innate regality that remind Inigo of the great Exalt, the specter of his father that haunted him until he met Chrom again in the past.

"Milord, please.. don't be disappointed in yourself." Inigo feels the tears rolling down his cheeks, but it's far, far too late to try and stop them at this point. "You're so impressive, and I-- I didn't want to make a bad impression.." Inigo hesitates. But Gyousou must have seen for him to mention these things, so maybe for once he can actually say-- "I didn't want to be a disappointment again.."

He shakes his head.

"And now I've invaded your private memories." Even though he didn't intend to, it doesn't matter. Besides-- "And I saw you on your way to getting--"

Executed.

Inigo knows what it was. He knows what was about to happen back there.

But the idea of Gyousou being executed threatens to rip his heart in pieces so much that he can't even get the word across his lips. Instead it only makes the tears flow even heavier.

The tears are worse, somehow, for the day-old memory of the weight of the feelings behind them. He decides, in the moment that he feels his shirt growing damp, and looks down to see Inigo attempting valiantly to master himself, that this is a gift, that they have been given this understanding.

He will do his best not to waste it.

But his expression sinks as Inigo continues, because, of course. Fair, it seems, is fair. The sentence is incomplete, but only one journey he recalls merits the wordless grief he's seeing.

"I'm just a person, Inigo," he points out. "That is, in the end, what kings are. Powerful people, trusted with the lives of thousands, but infinitely capable of mistakes. You saw... the result of mine. I trusted the wrong person, believed myself clever, and impressive, and well-loved, and I was betrayed. I lost my kingdom, my people, and... yes, had I not come here, perhaps my life. Your father believed himself wise in his measure of you, and in his belief lost a chance to know a fine warrior, and a loyal friend."

He pulls away. Not far, because he feels that if he breaks the physical link to Inigo that something might snap beyond repair, but to arms' length. "For all I invaded your privacy in turn, I cannot help but be glad that seeing his mistake will allow me to correct mine. And, if I might be bold... I was glad to see your mother, just now. She seems a kind and radiant woman, and I see her in you."

Gyousou is just a person. It's true - after all, here he is, standing in front of Inigo, even now still touching him - but for some reason it feels hard for Inigo's mind to wrap itself around the thought. Every since he learned Gyousou was a king from the first time they met on the platform, it's been hard for Inigo to view Gyousou as anything else. He perfectly fits the idea of a king that Inigo has in his mind, after all.

.. but he is right. He is just a person. Maybe Inigo has been unfair in his rigid view towards the other, he thinks now with a sense of guilt in his stomach.

(But deep down he might know why it's so hard to view Gyousou as a person. Because then he has to view his father as a person too, as someone who could have made a mistake when he called him a disappointment rather than as an infallible king who was just telling Inigo a truth he already knew--)

The new mention of his mother makes his train of thought stop.

"Mother.." He echoes back at Gyousou, still feeling the tears slide down his cheeks, though slower now. ".. You are right. Mother truly was the most kind and gracious person I've ever known. She was so amazing.. It's no wonder that she ended up marrying my father, even though she was only a commoner and he was the Exalt."

His father must have seen the exact same thing in her that Gyousou sees now, that Inigo has always seen.

"I.. don't mind you being bold about that." He sniffs, trying to swallow his tears back down again. "I am merely glad that you were able to see a good memory as well. I'd prefer for you to see those, if you have to see any at all."

"I would prefer the same for you," he agrees. If this were Taiki, he might reach over and clear away the tear tracks on the boy's cheeks, but he isn't, and so he won't. He doesn't care to tell him to stop crying, not after seeing his parents do the same. One from embarrassment, and one from love. And not when, here, there is no one to judge a moment of lowered defences.

As Inigo speaks, he listens gravely, a smile returning to his face at his talk of his mother. "What are their names?"

That's an easy question. And that's good. Maybe easy questions are exactly what Inigo needs right now in order to have something to focus on that isn't just his own tears and his embarrassment about them.

"My father's name is Chrom." His voice is still raw from crying, but he speaks up all the same, never wanting to leave Gyousou hanging. Inigo even makes sure to actually look at him rather than avert his gaze. "And my mother's is Olivia."

He's quiet for a moment, thinking. If Gyousou really saw his talk with his father in the past, then..

"They both died when I was younger. It's why you must have seen father look so young as he was talking to me. I travelled back to the past, to a time before I was born, and so I met them again. I don't have many memories of my father from before he died, considering he always had his hands full as the Exalt." Hence how he knows exactly what Gyousou must have seen.

"Indeed, you spoke to him of coming from the future," Gyousou keeps his voice level, even if he is, now, impossibly curious about what Inigo might have seen in exchange. His own memories of his parents are hazy, fifty years old, and hardly as meaningful as Inigo's formative experiences. He's even more curious about the methods Inigo and his sister used to return; the reasons for doing so are clear enough. How often has he wished for a similar solution?

But they are not talking of that. He considers, meeting Inigo's eyes with approval when the warrior looks back up, and decides to speak out on more of his opinions.

He's had time to think, after all.

"I cannot speak for him, but from an outside perspective, your relationship with Chrom is not as hopeless as you felt it to be. In fact, I believe he was on the verge of apologising in that moment... but I understand that the conversation was, by then, insupportable." His smile grows, a trace of the confidence and warmth flickering back into red eyes and the curl of his mouth. "People say terrible things when they are worried."

This isn't right. It doesn't feel right. Inigo knows he shouldn't just be speaking of himself here. Even though he's not sure he's capable of doing so, perhaps he should reassure Gyousou now he knows of that terrible execution, or maybe he should tell him about the other memory he saw. He should nod and accept what Gyousou is saying without questioning it, for the man radiates the kind of confidence that says he's so sure about what he's saying, despite speaking of another world's matters.

But there is just something about the combination of what Gyousou is saying with that warmth in his smile that breaks a dam inside of Inigo, and before he knows what he's doing or has time to have second thoughts, the words already spill across his lips.

"Then why didn't he just tell me he was worried..?" Inigo's voice is different now. Tinier. He was trying to keep at least some tiny hint of strength up in front of someone he wants to impress so badly, but it's gone now. Inigo very much sounds like the child he still is now as the tears flow again - slow, but present. "Why couldn't he just say he was proud of me..? Or.. why couldn't he at least tell me that I did a good job on staying strong for so long..? I just-- I just wanted him to acknowledge that I did the right thing by not giving up all this time, even though it was so hard..."

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At first it's less intense than the last two times. Maybe it's since he knows what's happening at this point, or maybe since he isn't actually living the memory.

Or maybe it's just that he's so used to the sight of war. Watching people die, watching people suffer.. There's no way Inigo is totally numb to it, no matter how much he'd like to pretend to, but the feeling it awakens in his stomach is dulled. If anything hurts about it, it's mostly the sight of Gyousou like that. That look in his eyes. The way he slumps. It's nothing like the way he has ever seen the other man, and that makes him feel nauseous. It's just.. not the way Gyousou is supposed to look. It's not fair that there are things out there that could do that to such a noble and kind man.

His own memory seem so similar next to it, though it doesn't end with defeat, but instead a different kind of weakness. Inigo wishes it would have ended halfway through. At least then it wouldn't have exposed his weakness that he's hid from everyone for years and years and years. Not that he likes the image of himself as a cold killer, but it might be better.

The cave that follows is no surprise. There's no panic this time, only dull resignation. And even in that, Inigo quickly strides over to the man's side.

"Milord." He tries to sound stronger this time, more decisive, but there's still something faintly breathless about his tone as he looks up at the other.

Inigo pauses. What does he even say about the cruelties of war when both of them know it down to their very bones?

".. you haven't had an easy time. You may have to forgive me once more for witnessing it."

There's a trace of that same nauseating resignation in Gyousou's eyes as he takes in their return to the cave. There had been nothing outside of his experience in Inigo's memory... until the creatures spoke, and he realised what the Risen were. Would he have been able to earn so much merit in Tai, if the foe had been the citizens of Tai, rather than youma and disaster? Banditry couldn't compare to seeing the monster become a human again under your blade.

He supposes he would have. It doesn't make him feel better, but it brings him back to the present in a way that he hasn't been after watching Kiro, Houto, Kisen, and so many others fall for a second time. He wonders what became of Risai, of Kyoshi.

"You are forgiven, if I may be also," he murmurs, still distant. "So many people died for my sake..." And they are dying even now, he's sure. He shakes his head. Nothing to do about that, but Inigo is here, now, looking at him with a mixture of strength and vulnerability. He sighs, a long breath, and drops to the floor in a parody of his action in the memory, except this time he merely sits, cross-legged, and rests his chin in one hand. "What an unpleasant reminder of our weaknesses that was."

For a moment Inigo still stands there, but it starts to feel awkward really, really quickly. It doesn't feel right to stand while Gyousou is sitting, and so the boy does eventually move to sit down as well - opposite the older man, so he can keep an eye on him. Of course it leaves his own facial expressions more open too, but it's a risk he has to be willing to take.

(Besides, Gyousou already saw him practically bawling his eyes out just yesterday - how much worse could it possibly get?)

The mention of weaknesses gets him to frown.

"I.. I can't imagine anything much more awful than people dying for your sake." He's never had it happen to him. Inigo may be a prince, but by the time things got really bad, that title already no longer meant anything. People wouldn't go out of their way to protect him over it - and he kind of prefers it that way anyway. He doesn't know how he could ever forgive himself if anyone had to die for his own pathetic self. He's not worth it.

Besides, he'd rather focus on Gyousou's memory. Something about his own awakens some feelings in him that he would rather not contemplate too much, lest it ruin the shred of strength he's found for now.

"But.. I suppose that is the burden of a king, isn't it? People want to protect you."

Edited 2020-08-20 21:27 (UTC)

"A burden indeed." He hums, mouth half-covered by the heel of his palm. "You wouldn't know, but I served as general of the palace guard to the previous king of Tai. His rule was called the Era of Harmony, and lasted for over a hundred years. A hundred and twenty-four, if I do not misremember... and when he fell, and lost the Way, we named him the Arrogant King, and tried to keep the country from falling to the disasters that plague a kingdom without its king."

He pauses, and smiles, bitter. "Of course, he had lost the Way some time before that, we were no strangers to dealing with disasters when he passed. But a kingdom with a bad king is still miles better than a kingdom with no king at all. Until the end, many would have taken an arrow for him as Kisen did for me."

Inigo quietly listens. With the two of them sitting here like this, it's almost as if - under different circumstances - this might be some sort of regular history class, especially with how attentive Inigo seems to every word that leaves Gyousou's mouth.

"I haven't seen long enough of.. of the regular world, I suppose.." How else should he refer to the way the world was before Grima happened to it? "Not enough to have seen such kings with my own eyes, but I have heard stories of them. My father fought against the Mad King in the past. Having to protect such a king, or even having to risk your life for them, must be.. difficult." And that's coming from someone very self-sacrifical.

The boy goes quiet for a moment before he slowly speaks again.

"Milord, if you would permit me to ask.. How do you cope with the thought that the lives of people close to you could suddenly be lost for your sake?"

He also goes quiet, content to lose himself in the memories a little longer, and listen, and dwell. And then, at the question, stirs again.

"If you had asked that question three months ago, I would have said, you have seen the moment that I could cope with that thought no longer."

The silence stretches a moment; he looks more steadily at Inigo. "To die for a king, and to be a king for whom people will sacrifice their lives... the feeling is different, because you are not dying for that individual. You are dying in the hopes that your actions will save the kingdom you love. The king is the representation of those hopes. At that moment, I could not see a way to live up to that."

He thinks back to the memory.

Seeing Gyousou looking that way. Given up. Broken. No matter how odd it was to see someone Inigo so greatly admires that way.. at the same time he can't say he blames Gyousou at all. If he himself had been in that situation, he most likely would have felt the same. It's so heavy of a burden for a single individual to bear.

His gaze drops, and he sucks in a breath when he looks back at Gyousou, this time considering the state he and Taiki were in when they showed up on the platform.

And that first memory.

"Are you.. worried that you can't save the kingdom?" How recent was the memory of that execution? Had it gone through, considering the sudden chaos that started at the end of it? Was it the reason for the way Gyousou had looked on the platform? "What will happen once you and Taiki return home..? Is there.."

He starts, then falters. Maybe, Inigo thinks, he doesn't have the right to ask.

But Taiki is important to him. And so is Gyousou. Each in their own way, but important regardless.

"I know I'm not one of your subjects, but.. is there anything at all I could do to help?"

"It would depend." He speaks slowly, not dwelling so much on his own state. Having not seen the first memory, he cannot say whether his recollection is faulty. "I'm certain I saw soldiers loyal to me amongst the crowd. Risai and the others would have followed me to the capital. I like to think that we might have triumphed, that Taiki would have conjured one of his miracles..."

He settles, hands coming to rest on his knees as he muses. "With both of us disappearing, it must have caused further chaos. Many may have died, and who can say who will have come out on top? Without a king or kirin, the kingdom is doomed to years of disaster, but we are both alive, so a new kirin cannot be born from the shashinboku..."

Realising that this is providing no solutions for Inigo, he cuts himself off.

"If we can return to Tai, anything is possible."

"Do we know for sure though that time passes without us back home?"

It's never been something Inigo was too invested in. It's not like he doesn't want to play his role back home, but he knows that even if he isn't there and the battle against Grima is still ongoing, they'll make it just fine without him. He isn't someone important enough to make a huge difference. Some days he isn't even sure whether or not anyone would notice he isn't there.

But he knows it must weigh on Gyousou's mind much more. After all, he is the king - regardless of what exactly was going on in that first memory, that other man in the robes. He knows how important Gyousou is to his country, even beyond the importance of any king or Exalt in his own world.

"Or.. do we even know fur sure it passes at the same rate? Milord, perhaps you may find yourself back home with only minutes having passed. Would even that slight absence cause such disaster?"

"Taiki has twice been spirited away to another world, and both times, time has passed. Why would it be different this time?"

His question is from genuine puzzlement. He would prefer it, he thinks, if time did not pass, but there's nothing to indicate that that would be the case. "But, no. If time had not progressed there, if we were returned to that moment, then it could only be a boon that we were given this time to be together, and to recuperate."

A boon. It's hope, and of course - with how Inigo is - he wants to make that hope grow. It's not even like he's absolutely sure of what he's saying. He has no idea about the state of their worlds while they're all stuck here, but if he can even just hand some hope to Gyousou with the mere possibility...

"I have some experience with traveling through time and space. Different from how we are doing that now on this train, but it's similar enough that I found myself not too surprised when I first found myself on the platform," he explains. He sounds serious, but there's a slight rush to his words, like he's hurrying himself so much that his tongue almost trips over the words. "And from what I myself know, coupled with what I have heard from others on this train with similar experiences, it seems like there is a possible discrepancy in the way time flows between different worlds."

.. And then there's the possiblity of your world just vanishing once you leave it, the kind of possibility Inigo mostly has experience with.

But he doesn't want to only worry Gyousou by saying that, so he keeps it to himself.

"Of course I can't be sure if that's the case here as well, and I'm really not smart enough to understand it all, but.. there certainly is a possibility that you could return home to the same moment as you left it, milord."

If anything, the world vanishing upon their departure would be far removed from the worst case scenario; it would mean that they are entirely free of the jurisdiction of the heavens, and have nothing left to do but flourish in memory of Tai.

Or so he would think, for he's had similar thoughts before now.

"I had not spoken of it overmuch... perhaps in fear that I would hear no differently from my understanding." Inigo's words have their desired effect, and Gyousou exhales. "It's good to think of."

He trails off, doing some mental reordering, assessing himself, recentering. "Your memory... forgive me, shall we speak of it?"

Memory Cave

Gyousou | Inigo

M2

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