middleofsomewhere | So Familiar a Gleam: Conclusion

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So Familiar a Gleam: Conclusion

Time to leave!

There is not much of the city left, but the park is holding together as those anchoring help those who are not voidtreckers through back to where they belong. Monsters continue to attack and a little further out there is a battle of hearts and minds being fought with the mass of colours and chaos.

Eventually, after the bulk of citizens had been evacuated everyone with SCA's on would hear Jin-Roh's voice after a few frantic beeps, as Chiff aligned everyone's SCA's. "We are almost done here, if you are with anyone not tethered to a voidcraft get them to the evacuation point, as quickly as possible."

Anan pulls out of the anchoring point to call out to any defenders in the park. "Come on! Anyone who isn't a voidtrecker! It's time to go."

Luckily those off fighting the entity headed the message and made their way to the park as Jin Roh spoke again.

"Everyone else get ready. When we call it you need to leave. If you don't have your SCA on then get to someone who does."

As the last people rushed to the park Anan calls out again, through her SCA and outloud to the park. "You need to unanchor, before you can evacuate. Everyone be ready."

She goes in again though, because there are some last people, those from the large battle, getting through as another message was called.

"Almost there. Be ready. On my command..."

Anan unanchored again. "Quick everyone unanchor."

"NOW" Jin Roh's voice came through strong on their SCA's. Hopefully those with SCA's would grab those without.

There is some outside help as well, the train pulls anyone who is unconscious or still under the entity's control, forcibly evacuating them. This includes Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji and Zagreus.

Luggage Carriage

There has been a mass evacuation before and that was crazy enough but since then the population of the train has almost doubled and now it is an extremely tight squeeze as everyone crashes into the luggage carriage at the same time.

The train jerks and rolls as they enter into the void at breakneck speed and again as they seem to slow, rather than speeding off though the void.

There's a crackling from their SCA's. "Voidtreckers? Voidtreckers come in!" Anan's voice. "Please tell me you made it..."

There's only a few moments of signal and soon they are flying though the void again, away from the strange non-world, the entity sealed for now. To new adventures, but first hopefully some time to recover from all that has happened.

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It doesn't help at all, which is why his fit sets off another in Devero. His doesn't last terribly long, though, what with the exhaustion and all; soon enough he's trailing off into gentle chuckles. He turns on his side and burrows in against Koumyou, winding his arms around the priest's narrow waist and hugging him close.

"I love you," he breathes.

"I love you too, my Devero," Koumyou whispers back, because it's still very frightening to say, and about as frightening to hear--

But it's important.

If something ever happens to either of them, he won't have not said it, and he won't have not heard it! It happened! "I really, really do."

"I know." He cranes his head up to kiss Koumyou's throat, his chin, the corner of his jaw. He props himself up on an elbow so he can look down at the priest in the dim light of their room. The fingers of his other hand trace the path his lips just marked before rising to cup Koumyou's cheek.

He examines the priest, his giggles gone. "That's why I wasn't afraid," he says softly, after that moment of contemplation. "Because... because I think I'm starting to really understand that... that blood is the only language that your world acknowledges." He huffs a single, almost disbelieving laugh and shakes his head at himself. "Someone from my world would think I'm barkers, saying this, but-- I think I can recognize it now, when you say 'I love you' in blood."

Koumyou gazes up at him, brown eyes wide while Devero says all that.

So, so quietly, he murmurs, "You see me more clearly than anyone has ever wanted to. Myself included."

And that seems to make him sort of sad, in that gentle, understated way of his.

Devero's eyes hood, and he lays back down before gathering Koumyou into his chest again. "And you do the same for me," he murmurs. "Please don't forget that."

"When I'm not busy making you sad," Koumyou says into the base of Devero's neck.

Apparently he's just Having A Night, here. Too tired to keep this shit as hidden as he usually does by sheer reflex.

He takes double handfuls of Dev's pajamas again, curling in tight against him.

"I missed you," he says quietly, "even when I didn't remember you, I missed you so much."

"Hey," Devero protests softly. He curves his big body around Koumyou's as if he wants to encapsulate the other man, holding him tightly. "Sometimes two people in a relationship are going to upset each other. It's unrealistic to think otherwise. It's how we resolve it when we hurt each other that matters."

He hides his face against Koumyou's hair, and a palpable shiver crawls his skin. "I missed you so much it woke me up out of the dream," he says. "All I had to do to stay out was remember you. Even when you-- when you didn't remember--" He has to pause for a moment, because that had been hard as hell, and his throat closes as he recalls it.

He exhales and continues, "All I wanted to do was make sure you'd be safe. Even when you had no idea who I was-- who I really was."

Koumyou lets go of Dev's pajamas in favor of wrapping his arms around the big guy's ribs and holding on tight. Just as tight as Devero's holding him, or tighter!

"I'm sorry I kept slipping back into it," he whispers, "I didn't want to forget you."

And he adds even as he realizes it, "I wanted to forget me."

Devero goes still when Koumyou says that, the breath-held stillness of someone who's afraid even an exhale might frighten away the elusive creature they just sighted.

In a bare whisper: "Talk to me?"

"I don't know what to say," Koumyou's muffled voice is miserable. "I really, really hate myself. Always have."

Even little Houmei on the train that day had felt it.

Devero hesitates for a moment, balancing on a fraught precipice before he decides to plunge off. "I know," he says. He laughs once, humorlessly. "Maybe that's why we can see each other so clearly; because we see ourselves with-- with no clarity at all."

"You were poisoned against yourself by that horrible woman," Koumyou peels his face away from Devero's chest to peer up at him.

Because yes, even now, he can't help but try to drag Devero out of the pit Valdana buried him in.

"I have failed everyone I have ever cared about, and I'll fail you too."

"And you weren't?" he says. "You grew up underfed and-- and un-cared for in a temple that saw you as a virtuous but unwelcome obligation at best. You were trained to view yourself-- your self-- as expendable, your only worth the blood you could shed for your gods!"

His eyes are black in the low light of their room, his voice getting progressively more impassioned. His fingers dig into Koumyou's shoulder-blades, as if he could convey sincerity through pressure alone.

"Of course you failed. There was no chance you could succeed at caring for people when the only measure of success you were ever allowed to internalize was how much blood you spilled for one of those fucking scrolls!"

Koumyou buries his face against Devero's collarbone, unsure what to say in the wake of all that.

It is, in fact, a stunned silence.

Devero lets him hide, enfolding this dear, dear man in his arms once more. He holds his tongue from saying anything further, not wanting to push too hard (and maybe a little, irrationally afraid that he might be taken to task for sheer unfettered impudence), but his whole body trembles with his love and conviction that Koumyou's self-hatred is no more valid than his own.

Koumyou remains silent for a while, too, save for the occasional sniffle.

Yeah, his feelings are kind of overwhelming him, too. Hope you like your pajama top damp, Devero.

He doesn't, particularly, but there's no question of whether or not he'll endure it for Koumyou's sake. After the first few moments, his tense hold relaxes; after a moment more he starts to sweep his hands up and down Koumyou's back in an attempt to soothe.

"It's okay," he murmurs when he hears a sniffle, or "I'm here", or "I've got you." Not any different from just earlier tonight, but no less sincere for the repetition.

Muffled against Devero's chest, Koumyou eventually says quietly, "You're so good to me. You really, really are."

He peels his wet face away from Devero's wet shirt to look up at him, "I'm just this sad, broken old man, and here you are anyway."

"You're more than that," Devero insists, his voice gentle again. He brings a hand up to brush Koumyou's wet, tangled bangs away from his face. "You're the magician who's willpower is so strong you can use your chi without chanting. You're the only Sanzo who was strong enough to defend two sutras against the world for years. You're the doting father who rescued a drowning baby from a river and showered on him all the kindness and love you were denied through your own childhood.

"And you're the man who saw-- me," he adds, glancing away now. "The real me. And you cared enough to try and pry me out of-- of Valdana's obedient boy."

He meets Koumyou's eyes again, then closes his own and curls in to touch his forehead to the priest's. "There's no where else in the universe I want to be other than right here."

Edited 2021-08-05 03:10 (UTC)

Koumyou leans into the forehead-touch, even though his chakra between them is like a tiny, hard little marble. Dev might have an impression of it on his forehead if they hold this for long.

The priest's voice is rough with emotion, and -- well, defiance against his own fear--

"I love you so fucking much, Devero."

A smile spreads across Devero's lips. He laughs, this time exultant and-- proud? Yes, proud of his partner. He knows what those words mean; he knows what a vulnerability love is in the hell that Koumyou came from.

"And I fucking love you, Koumyou," he says, showing teeth with his grin. He catches the priest's cheek in one hand and bends to bring their lips together, fierce and urgent.

Koumyou hesitates for... maybe half a second, and then he's right there with Devero, returning the kiss and all its urgentness, smiling into it.

His heart is frantic with fear, but it has other things to feel, too.

Devero kisses Koumyou until he's breathless; he actually pants for air as he breaks away. "I'm here because I adore you," he whispers, inclining their foreheads together again. "Even if you can't believe it of yourself now, please-- just-- try to trust me, that you are someone worth adoring."

"I..." Koumyou takes a deep breath, "I'll try."

He does trust Devero, he does! He just has a hard time trusting the future.

"You know... you know I could kill half the people on this train and not feel anything about it, and you're still... you still feel that way about me! I..."

Koumyou squeezes his eyes shut, and for the third time tonight, says, "I love you."

"I know you could," Devero says, brushing back Koumyou's bangs. "But would you? If you didn't have to?"

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