middleofsomewhere | Event: In Pursuit of Knowledge

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Event: In Pursuit of Knowledge

The day after the Voidtrecker speaks to the voidtreckers they arrive at the voidhub.

"Approaching Voidbase now. Prepare for docking."

There is no shaking, not leaving the void: instead those who risk looking out of the windows will see a large structure ahead of them. The void turns to metal around them as they enter the structure, and for a moment, there is nothing outside the train but darkness.

"Welcome Voidtreckers." A voice speaks over the ICPs. Not the voice of the train, this is a male voice, sentient. "The filtration process takes a few moments, so please be patient. Meanwhile, I am sending some information about our void base over to your SCA's."

They will receive a small pamphlet on their SCA's explaining about the void base, that it was set up as a research base and has been expanded to provide living quarters for some of those rescued from system #78961112094711. It explains that they had made the decision to invite the voidtreckers there to further unravel the mystery surrounding them. They would be quartered in ministry sleeping areas, and have free access to the ministry part of the base. Anyone who wished to visit the citizens of system #78961112094711 could do with good reason.

It's not too long before the filtration process is completed, and the doors of the Voidtrecker Express open. They are greeted by a group of ministry workers. Among which are Lia Nine, Ten Nank, and Anan- who isn't strictly a void ministry worker, but is there to greet them nonetheless.

IN PURSUIT OF KNOWLEDGE

22-29 RABBIT ~ VOIDBASE INFO ~ OOC INFO ~ NETWORK
SCA EXPERIMENTS ~ COMBAT TRAINING ~ REACHING OUT ~ ARCHIVE RESEARCH

SETTLING IN

They are shown to their sleeping quarters first. They are in small suites, which match their room assignments on the train. They will be given time to unpack and rest, and told that their SCA's have been programmed to allow them access to the general ministry parts of the base.

Their time here is their own, And though the ministry hopes that they will help out with the various experiments and research programs they have going on, they do not need to. If they wish to take the time to rest and enjoy the amenities, they can.

1. MULTIMEDIA. There are a few types of lounging rooms, chairs and cushions, tables for sitting at. Slim televisions sitting on walls, a few tables - that can be lowered or raised - joined with screens that can be more privately watched. Shows and movies are available in some rooms, gaming equipment in others. There is also a more quiet room for lounging in, with access to e-books and screen readers for them, audio options also available.

Relax, or get into a multiplayer game -- games that break friendships are available in the void.

2. FITNESS AND SWIM. For those looking for more activity in their 'rest', there's the fitness gym and swimming pool. In separate rooms but nearby, the fitness gym is larger than the train's gym, and more well-equipped. Muscle training, speed; there will be a Ministry worker to show how to use the variety of equipment, so that nobody has an accident.

The same will be for the swimming pool, with a shallow and deep end. Balls, floating pads and more can be grabbed. It's a swimming pool - what's not to love?

3. TRAINING. Beside the pool and fitness gym is the combat gym, where they will find small groups already exercising in a variety of fighting styles. Voidtreckers will be left alone to train if they wish, but any who take interest in partners will be allowed to join in with the ministry training. Magic, energy, weaponry; some of them use special batons, Ministry-issued, and the Ministry workers will show how to use them. If a Voidtrecker becomes well-trained in how to use one by the end of their stay, they can be given one to use on void missions.

The Ministry fighters will also introduce them to a special training tool, the hard- and holographic courses and 'dummies'. Quite a few fighting styles can be set to a holographic opponent, or even one made to mimic a voidtrecker after fighting them - they're surprisingly quick to adapt. The hard-light partner can listen and read sign-language, and will change on command. Want them to move faster, focus on attack, dodging? Now they will.

4. GREEN THUMBS, OPEN AIR. The last room in the relaxation area is a curious one, reading simply 'GARDENS AND SIMULATION' on its front. Opening it will lead to a simple and long corridor, five more doors on each side. Four devoted to gardening, labelled Hydroponics, Hot Houses, Ice Houses, and Land. Entering, each space will be larger than should be possible. But it is, with each an indoor type growing space except for land, which mimics a farming field. There's a sky above, a wind in the air; sometimes, it might be raining when you enter.

It might be a shocking experience for some, the first time round.

The last six rooms simulation rooms are less specific, but with plenty more options. Rooms of prayers, beaches, cities, open valleys; with some time spent learning the menu, people can recreate a realistic area. The rooms can be set to private, but some people may leave the spaces they've created - on purpose, at random, or on accident - free for others to wander into. Sharing is caring, and there's only six of these rooms, you know.

TESTING AND EXPERIMENTING

Anyone who wishes to take part in the experiments will be given their options, and led to the appropriate rooms. Health checks, tether scans, combat training; each one is voluntarily, and Voidtreckers will be be granted their results.

There is much to discover, as well to ensure the health and safety of the Voidtreckers. And what can they learn about the Voidtrecker Express, the lost tethers, and the anomaly known as the World Eaters? Time may finally tell...

1. SCA EXPERIMENTS. For those who wish to help out with the SCA and health experiments- be that through taking part in experiments or helping conduct them- they will be shown to the labs. There are a few different labs, doing different things.

The scientists are generally friendly, if very no nonsense. They will answer questions and explain their research, and are open to listening to new ideas and theories. All ideas are on the table. This situation is unprecedented, there are no easy answers.

They will put any voidtreckers to work who wish to help- be it washing beakers or recording data. They will teach as they go- as long as someone is willing to listen and learn, it won't matter if they have no experience in science.

2. REACHING OUT TO THE VOID. At the top of the void base is an area with a clear domed roof, allowing in the light of the void. Here voidtreckers can attempt to reach out, to strengthen their connection with the train and through it try and find those that have left the train.

It's a slow learning curve. Their first few hours of attempts will be meditation that goes no where. but eventually most should be able to tap into their connection with the train and the other passengers.

Reaching out further is harder, often feeling as if they are falling through the void. It's exhausting, not quite so much as anchoring, but similar. It's easy to get lost in the void, though the room has ministry workers who are highly trained and will be able to help anyone who needs it.

They do say it might be easier to go in pairs, to meditate together and help guide each other, using each others tethers as a touch point. Anything is worth a try.

3. ARCHIVES. For those who prefer old-fashioned research, there is plenty to sink their teeth into here. Books, articles, message boards. Everything needs cross-referenced and checked and verified. What is a rumour? What is true?

It's a buzz of activity at all hours, though there are quieter areas for those who need silence to concentrate. For those less skilled at research, there are always notes to copy up neat.

OOC NOTES

~ Questions.
~ This event runs until the 26th June (Day 29)
~ There will be a concluding post on the 25th to wrap up the memory restoration.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Rezo’s hand curls gently around her shoulder. “You would be of more use than I would,” he says. There is no doubt in Rezo’s mind that his blindness would render him an utter liability without his magic. It has been his one exceptional skill since he was young, the only thing that stood between him and beggardom.

If he ever lost that… And if Lioriley ever had to put up with him under such circumstances…

“Even with my skills in magic, it must be quite troublesome for you to be a blind man’s lover.” Wallowing as deeply in self-contempt as he is, it does not occur to him how appalling this statement might sound.

"You sell yourself short." Or have too much faith in her. Either way, she was certain that Rezo would be able to hold his own without his magic - then again, she wasn't thinking about his blindness as a factor in that; just assuming he was skilled enough even without his sight to survive any harrowing situations.

So it was especially odd to hear that comment, and for a moment all Lioriley could do was lift her head and stare dumbly down at the priest.

"...Pardon?" Surely she had misheard him. Did he just suggest that it was troublesome to love him because he was blind? "Of course not. I do not - why would you think that? You have not caused me any trouble, and I certainly do not believe your blindness a deterrent." Clearly.

Rezo is about as surprised by her confusion as she is by his initial statement. He lifts his head and shoulders, bracing himself on one hand and tilting his face towards her, his brows furrowed.

“Lioriley…”

It’s so self-evident to him that his blindness is an issue that when Lioriley dares to question that, it actually takes him a moment to put any thoughts into words.

“We have only been together for a short while, so perhaps it has not had time to wear on you yet. But there are many things I cannot do as well as ordinary people can. I cannot read without casting a spell first, and if there are illustrations I have to ask others for help to understand them. Without my staff or someone to guide me I could get lost or trip and injure myself. It isn’t even safe for me to run on my own.”

(Countless scraped knees and palms from when he was growing up could attest to that.)

“I cannot see you smile, or tell you that you look beautiful without it being a bad joke.”

After a visible hesitation, he even admits, “Sometimes, I am shocked that you are not repulsed by me. My body is less than whole. Anyone would consider that undesirable.”

"Repulsed?" She repeated incredulously, even more dumbfounded by the series of self deprecating comments he had made. And maybe she should have been more offended that he so wrongly assumed she would ever think less of him for something he could not control, but all she could focus on was how deep his self loathing seemed to be. And she wondered, briefly, if he had suffered these thoughts his entire life.

"Rezo." She said as sternly as she could manage, shifting so she could cup his cheek. "Perhaps you should consider a few things before speaking so ill of yourself. For one, not many blind folk could claim they can read whatsoever, and you have devised a spell - I presumed on your own - to allow you the ability. And perhaps you do need assistance at times, but I have seen you move with as much poise as a sighted man would. You have survived this long without your vision, and you will survive even longer because you are strong and intelligent and passionate enough to push through your limitations."

As for the part about her. Well. "I do not need your compliments and praise on my appearance. You accepted my affections because you care for me, do you not? If those feelings are true, then I do not need anything else. You are enough."

Well, she wouldn’t be the first person to feel that way about him. Generally, it doesn’t come up, since most people- including Rezo himself- view the Red Priest as a wholly sexless being, detached from even the most innocent of human desires. But when he was younger he and his eventual wife had endured more than a few… unpleasant comments.

You have survived this long… If only she knew. Although, it wasn’t his blindness that led to his death, but his desperate desire to be rid of it.

Agitated, Rezo shakes his head.

“I do care for you, Lioriley. Enough that I fear I have done you a great disservice by accepting your affections. I don’t understand how you can say such things. I…”

His fingers curl tighter and tense; realizing this, he lets go of her shoulder and snatches at the back of the couch, pulling himself up so that he’s seated partly upright on top of her.

“If I have managed not to be a burden, it’s because I have spent my entire life fighting to be less of one. To be worthy. But it gets so tiring having to go above and beyond just to stay on the same level as everyone else.”

As Rezo pulled back, the hand still resting against his back gripped a little tighter, tugging on the fabric clenched between her fingers; fearful of him moving too far from her.

"Because it is the truth. I would not have said it otherwise." Rezo surely knew by now - or could at least guess - that Lioriley was not a woman inclined to lie. And maybe she was laying it on kind of thick then; but everything she said was genuine. She did care about him, she believed him to be strong and resilient and smart. And she could not understand why he seemed to doubt her so. And more over, why he seemed to doubt himself.

Her expression shifted again, and it probably would have looked strange to an outsider; him half hovering over her and her frowning and clearly confused, leylines flickering wildly across her dark skin.

"I..." she almost said 'I understand', because she did, in a way. Lioriley had all of her senses, but back home, once she had left Moon's Refuge, she had always had to try harder than anyone else to prove she was worthy of their time and attention. Just because she was a Lunari, because she was different, she was not good enough even to those with the same qualifications. But was that truly the same thing? She couldn't compare her own hardships to his, when he clearly suffered more for his inability to see.

"I am sorry, my love." She said, her voice low. "You deserve so much more than I can give for all the hard work you have done. But what I can offer is my assistance to help ease your concerns, and the promise that you do not have to be anything but yourself when you are with me. You will never be a burden. If anything - I worry I may be one to you with my sudden demands for affection and your attention."

Rezo visibly struggles to respond to her promises. There’s a temptation there but does she really know who- what- he is, under the veneer of the Red Priest and Great Sage? Rather than argue right away, it’s easier to address the end of her statements, albeit haltingly.

“You’re not…” he starts. “I have always been clumsy with these things, but that does not mean I dislike it. The fact that you, Lioriley, the woman I admire and adore, seem to enjoy my attentions, is deeply flattering. I may be busy at times, but being able to spend time with you, to kiss you and call you silly little pet names is… It isn’t burdensome, it is an honor.”

Having said that, Rezo is silent for a long moment afterwards. Mulling over what she’s said about simply wanting him. He’s voiced a fraction of the thoughts that plague him on a constant basis, but he knows there is more. Things that he has deliberately avoided telling her. Things that are starting to spread around anyway. Things he has to explain if he truly intends to explain himself.

Finally, something inside him cracks.

“Lioriley, my beloved… I haven’t told you the cause of my blindness.”

He reaches for her wrist, gently taking it in hand and tugging, trying to make her let go of him so that he can move off of her. He has a feeling he shouldn’t trap her underneath him when he lays everything out.

'Then why do you not believe me when I say the same of you?' Is what she would have said next. But then she felt his hand on her wrist, and for a split second he would feel her grip tighten again before she finally - reluctantly - let go.

She sat up a little straighter, even if the sudden weight in her chest made her want to sink down and into the couch; to avoid whatever he wanted to confess to her. Even if the initial comment didn't make much sense - it didn't take a genius to figure out he was going somewhere important with it.

"You were born without sight." He had said that before. "...were you not?" Obviously.

Rezo slides back carefully, not intending to go far, just far enough back onto the couch that he is no longer touching her. If at any point during this conversation she decides to leave, she won’t have to worry about prying him off of her. As soon as she is free of his weight, he begins to speak.

“Yes,” he confirms first, kneeling on the cushions in front of her. “You have noticed that I never open my eyes, haven’t you? I have met many blind people over the course of my career and it is common for them to keep their eyes shut. For many, this is because they have a sensitivity to light that makes it painful and dizzying. For others, it’s because the eyes themselves are absent or abnormally sized, making it difficult for the eyelids to move properly. And of course in many cases the eyes are filmed over or covered by a membrane or other issues that make them unattractive to look at.”

It’s something of a digression, but it’s easy to recite such familiar facts and it helps him make his point when he goes on to explain, “My case is unusual. It is entirely physically impossible to open my eyes, and it has been this way since I was born. It’s likely the reason I was left as an infant at a children’s home in Atlas City. There was always a noticeably high ratio of disabled and deformed children among us foundlings.”

It’s somewhat embarrassing to admit this to her, even if he knows there’s no logical reason to hold such a thing against him. Perhaps the status of foundlings is different in her world but in Rezo’s, there isn’t just the stigma of poverty and, in many cases, disability, but also the assumption that the foundlings were illegitimate children, which came with a certain amount of disdain.

“Many of the staff members at the children’s home were shrine maidens who volunteered to take care of us as part of their charitable duties. It was by observing them that I first learned how to cast basic white magic, and I was told stories of powerful priests and priestesses who could work various miracles, including restoring sight to the blind. So from very early on I had a goal to learn everything I could about healing magic, all so I could cure my own blindness.”

She nodded; realized he wasn't close enough now to feel the motion; and hummed softly so he knew she was listening. He could probably feel her eyes on him regardless; staring intently with that same look of concern and confusion she had held for a few minutes yet. Something in her stomach knotted, twisted, threatened to make her gag with fear for whatever he was about to tell her; whatever end this tale was headed towards. If the build up had been his self deprecation and the insistence that he was repulsive and unworthy of the affection she offered...it couldn't be good.

And yet she didn't stop him. Instead she just listened, saddened by the fact that this new knowledge of the man she had come to love was not the knowledge she had hoped for. She had wanted to learn more about him - but this was heartbreaking already.

By the time he had paused, Lioriley had shifted to sit in front of him, legs tucked under herself and a hand pressed to back of the couch, just beside Rezo so he knew that she was close enough to reach for if he needed her. She had...questions, but decided to just let him go on.

Rezo had half-expected her to express some disappointment that his motivation for learning white magic had been so self-interested. When no recriminations come he supposes her silence must be an indication that she wants him to continue before she makes her judgements. So he does so.

“As you can imagine, I had difficulty finding people to teach me. I couldn’t read and I had no money or relatives to help me, so I was less than desirable as a student. Fortunately, Atlas City was home to a large branch of the Sorcerer’s Guild.” And still was, last time Rezo had checked.

“The Guild members didn’t appreciate my skulking about the property at first, and I was frequently tossed out on my ear. But I kept coming back, until it became easier to simply let me sit in on their lectures than to keep throwing me out. I would also barter my labor in exchange for anything the sorcerers would teach me. It was mostly menial work but I was cheaper than hiring an actual custodian would have been and I was desperate for any scrap of information I could gather. Eventually I knew enough that I could have been certified as an official sorcerer and member of the guild, except that the exam for that included a written portion. I asked the head of the guild for permission to take the exam orally, but was denied.”

He’d been incensed, if unsurprised at the time. With everything that has happened since, the frustration has faded to only a memory of a feeling, and Rezo merely sounds tired when he mentions the incident.

“I had, by this point, actually learned to read a little by feeling out the letters carved on gravestones and statues. Thinking on that, I came up with the idea for my reading spell and I spent a long time developing a stable version that I could use to improve my reading and writing skills. I was able to pass the exam by the time I was eighteen.”

There is another pause, and Rezo shakes his head. “Forgive me, I am getting somewhat sidetracked. At any rate, it became much easier to study white magic after that. I was able to read through the Guild library at my leisure and while I’d already been supporting myself with my healing abilities I was beginning to get a reputation outside of the back alleys, which made it much easier to find patients and make a living. I tried not to charge more than my patients could afford, which I suppose made me an appealing alternative even to healers who were sighted and more experienced than I was. But finding a cure for my own blindness remained my priority. I tried all sorts of spells on myself and on volunteers, but I could never find the exact one that would open my eyes and free me from the darkness I had always been trapped in.

“By this point I was married and had a son, so I had… various talks with my wife. I felt I had learned everything I could from living in Atlas City, and we agreed that if I was to find my cure I would need to travel to other cities, other guilds. And that is how my life as a traveling priest began. I have told you various stories about that, so I think you have an idea of what much of that was like. I spent many decades traveling, healing, learning. But still, I couldn't find my cure.”

Everyone walked a different path for different reasons. Rezo's reasoning for learning white magic had been selfish, but she still could not blame him for it. He was amongst a majority that could see, so of course he would want to be like everyone else.

If anything, it all just made her more sad for him. Even more so with the obvious knowledge that now, in his more than a century of life, he had not accomplished his goal. He was still blind, and even if he had cured others of the same ailment, something was keeping him from doing the same for himself.

Rezo would hear her inhale, soft and a little shaky as she tried to keep herself composed. She was so nervous - and all this build up only seemed to make it worse. What could he possibly be leading to beyond more sad stories of failure and emotional turmoil?

"I remember." She said, thinking it best to say something so he did not think she was completely out of it. "What did you - what happened then?"

At that nervous little breath Lioriley takes, Rezo is tempted to reach out to her. In other circumstances, he has had some success in comforting her with his touch. But right now, when he’s the source of her distress, and the story he’s telling her is only due to grow worse, well…

“By that point it had become increasingly apparent that my blindness was not a natural, congenital condition that could be cured with white magic, but some sort of supernatural curse that had been laid upon me. Who had cursed me or why, I did not know, but I did know enough of black magic to know it would have to be involved. So I switched my focus and began studying black magic.”

And he’s doubtless told Lioriley enough of black magic for her to know the implications of what he has just confessed.

“Black magic isn’t necessarily taboo in my world, but by this point I had a reputation that I still wanted to keep, so I kept my research a secret. But after hitting a dead end with white magic I was able to explore many new avenues with black magic and experiment with innumerable potential treatments. The knowledge I gained was… intoxicating. But still my cure eluded me.”

It was so strange to think that if she were still in Valsheria, the admittance of studying black magic would have been more odd than horrifying. Of course no one would actually be able to go from white to black where she was from, but still, the point still stood that Rezo's switch given what she did know of his world was a little more...alarming.

It sounded, at least from what he had told her so far, that his desperation to cure his blindness was beginning to overshadow logic and reason. And the way he called the newfound knowledge intoxicating actually made a shiver run up her spine.

"What did you do?" She asked, her voice still low and yet not as accusatory as it perhaps should have been. Just another prompt to get him to continue his story- he knew why he was blind, but he had not said it yet.

That might have been the most terrifying part so far.

Rezo exhales.

“You will recall that black magic draws upon the powers of the mazoku. The mazoku are a very hierarchical species, and the magic that draws upon their power is no different. If I wanted to break the curse behind my blindness, I would have to call upon a mazoku that was more powerful than the one that laid the curse in the first place. And the most powerful of all mazoku is the Dark Lord himself, Ruby Eye Shabranigdu.”

Rezo recites all this in a dull tone, as if describing something utterly mundane and unworthy of any emotion.

“But Shabranigdu is broken into pieces. I would have to find one, unseal it, and somehow keep him under control long enough to cure my eyesight and banish him once more. It was…”

Stupid. But he’d been desperate, unable to think clearly around the anguish that had overtaken him, mind and soul, and he’d had very little to lose.

“I was able to find a tower, built during the Kōma War, located in a wasteland where the boundaries between the physical and astral plane were very thin. I was convinced this desolate place must be where a piece of Shabranigdu was sealed away, but even my power was not great enough to break the seal. For that, I needed the Philosopher’s Stone, an artifact that can amplify a person’s magical power by more than a thousandfold. I sent my subordinates in search of it, although I did not tell them my intentions for it.”

Because he’d known that if he’d told the truth, there wasn’t a single person in the world who would have willingly helped him or believed he could have kept Shabranigdu under control. And they would have been correct.

“They were able to find the stone but, complicating matters, it had wound up in the hands of a sorceress named Lina Inverse. While she did not know what she had, the negotiations… apparently did not go well. Apparently she tried to charge Ze- my subordinate thirty million gold pieces for the statuette the stone was hidden in.”

Rezo’s mouth twitches, unable to quite muster up a smile. It was a piece of lunacy in the whole sordid affair that neither Zelgadis nor Rezo had been in the right frame of mind to appreciate.

“I had a great deal of difficulty retrieving the stone from Lina and the swordsman she was traveling with. Several of my subordinates were killed and those that weren’t joined forces to oppose me. In the end, I was able to… somewhat get them to cooperate. I sent them a message informing them that they would either deliver the Philosopher’s Stone to my tower, or I would petrify the residents of the village they were staying in.”

He had hoped, of course, that he wouldn’t have to bother going that far, but if they had tried calling his bluff?

At that point, he would have done anything and more for the cure that was finally within his sight.

He.. didn't. There was no way. After all he had told her of the mazoku, of Shabranigdu, if the fragments that had scattered into various souls and how they couldn't even be destroyed. They had to be contained with powerful magics - and he had asked, not long ago, about her own magic, if it could be strong enough, and she had said she could certainly try if ever such a thing was needed.

If that wasn't already overwhelming, Rezo just kept piling it on. His desperate need to see must have been so intense he lost sight (for lack of a better term) of everything but that singular goal. People did desperate things to achieve their goals - but she never imagined he would go to the lengths that he apparently had to gain power he surely could not contain.

Her hand on the back of the couch clenched, gripping tight as if that would help hold back to tears welling in her eyes. Teeth bit into her lower lip, words forced back with hard swallows past forming lumps in her throat. She didn't want to hear anymore - didn't want to know any atrocities he may or may not have committed in pursuit of his cure. He was so good to her - good to everything that she had seen, save for a few hiccups that had been (she thought) resolved. He had to be good, he had to be --

"And did they?"

“Yes,” he says. And he can hear the tightness of her voice, and knows how she must have been terrified of his answer, of hearing yet another horrific sin the man she’d been unfortunate enough to fall for had committed. At least she can be spared this one.

“They arrived shortly afterwards and while they still resisted, I was able to take the stone from them and complete the ritual of resurrection. There was a great outpouring of energy, stronger than any I had ever felt before. It was so painful, it hurt so much that I don’t know how to describe it- but then, for a moment, I could see a light! It was brilliant, and warm, and more beautiful than anything I had ever experienced before! I was ecstatic, even in the midst of my pain, but…”

One of his hands absently reaches up to cover his eyes.

“...the pain grew worse and my entire body was wracked with spasms. I could feel several things ripping their way out of me. It just- It wasn’t just painful, it was revolting. I didn’t understand what was going on, or why my body was warping so grotesquely until. I heard a laugh echoing from inside of me, and a voice.”

I am he whose rebirth you desired.

“Shabranigdu wasn’t sealed inside the tower. Shabranigdu was sealed inside my soul. And my eyes were the manifestation of that seal.”

It was a small mercy to know he hadn't petrified a village of innocents just to get something he wanted, even if the idea of him making the threat at all still made bile rise in her throat.

Lioriley had had a theory when they had their last discussion of magic and mazoku and Ruby Eye Shabranigdu; that he was one of those unlucky souls to have a fragment inside of them. It explained his fascination beyond simple scholarly pursuits, and with this new information that he had been searching all his life for a cure for his blindness...a lot of things clicked into place. Why he had asked about others magics, why he had insisted he was not good enough for her, why he was repulsive and undeserving, why he had not wanted others in his mind.

To say she was horrified might have been an understatement. But it wasn't even horror entirely at the idea of those atrocities he had committed to achieve his goals. It was horror in knowing that he had suffered and toiled and clearly lost his mind to fix something he never had a chance of fixing to begin with. Not with a demon king sealed behind his eyes.

She could feel her breath quickening, her leylines pulsing as her heart raced. And yet despite every instinct telling her to just leave and let him suffer with what he had just revealed; to not offer him the kindnesses she had for months now. She reached out to try and grasp the hand over his eyes, fingers trembling as they did so.

"Your eyes are still shut." She whispered. "Is he still within you?"

Rezo freezes at the touch of her hand, so soft and shaky, and so unexpected. He tries his best to stay still and impassive, but within seconds he finds himself trembling as much as her hand is- and when she asks the obvious question…

“I don’t know!”

He half-sobs the words, the pain of the answer combined with the conflicting emotions induced by her hand in his, cracking his composure entirely.

“The seal is in place but- I have no idea what might lie behind it. I never realized he was there before that moment, I- I had thought that my exhaustion, the emotions I was losing, I thought if I could just fix myself it would somehow go away. That I could devote myself to helping others again and make up for anything I had done before and I would finally feel normal.”

Does any of that even make sense? He doesn’t know, but he can’t stop the words from spilling out, stumbling over one another and coming out broken and pathetic. His shoulders shake as he slumps lower and lower.

“But I didn’t- I can’t- I have to give up on that. Even if it renders my entire life and everything I’ve ever done pointless. There’s nothing else left for me except to fix what little I can and pray I find a way to finally put an end to it all.”

Gods. He’s so tired. By the end of his rambling he’s curled up almost into a ball, his head drooping low over his knees. His breathing is tight and fast and his eyes burn behind the seal. If it weren’t in place, he realizes he’d be bawling like a child.

“I’m sorry,” he chokes out. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry-!”

In the time they had known one another, Lioriley had never seen Rezo so... broken. Sure, he had been exhausted, displeased, they had fought, but he had always maintained his composure far better than she ever could. He was the strong one, she had thought, more capable of holding himself together even in the most trying of times. He had proven as much during their desperate evacuation mission; holding fast even in the wake of the world eaters arrival.

But this was personal; something he had struggled with for his entire life. Something he clearly tried to hide from her for fear of how she might react. And if he had responded the same way he had to everything else - maybe her response would have been different. Now, though? She could not think of all the things he had done, could not blame him for the path he had taken; wrong and immoral as it may have been at times. He was just a man. Just a man who wanted to see the world as everyone else could. A man misguided and unknowing of just what powers he was playing with until it was too late.

Lioriley sank down, eased foward, and carefully wrapped her arms around him, face pressed to the crown of his skull; buried in his hair.

"Shh." She hushed, carding her fingers through his hair. "Shh, my love. Breathe for me, darling. You will be all right." They would figure it out. Somehow.

If the touch of her hand wasn’t enough of a surprise, the way she embraces him, and the words she says- My love? Darling?- leave him at an utter loss. He’d been afraid of how she’d react to the things he’s just confessed, afraid enough that he had a hard time even trying to imagine her reaction. But he had braced himself for tears, for anger, for rejection and now he wonders how she’s still here.

Is it pity that compels her kindness? For most of his life, pity has been a reaction he’s dreaded, something he chafes under. But right now, feeling simultaneously old and exhausted, yet vulnerable as a small child, all he can do is accept it. Gods, he’ll take anything she gives him, for any reason she gives it. He can’t keep sustaining himself on pride alone, especially not now that he’s collapsing in front of her.

His arms stretch out, slow, trembling, uncertain, and wrap around her waist. He clutches at the fabric covering her back.

“Lior.”

He tries to breathe as she instructs, but it’s difficult. His chest tightens, his throat constricting around every breath he gulps down.

“I don’t know what to do. If he comes back, I don’t know what I’ll do. I’ve been trying to find someone, anyone, strong enough to have a chance of destroying him. I shouldn’t be here, I’d been trying- I didn’t mean to become involved with the other people on the train, I knew I should keep my distance, but-!”

She continued to soothe him with gentle pats upon his head and murmured words of assurance that he would be alright. Everything would be alright.

"It is better that you did." She said, daring not to raise her voice to much, like she feared she might startle him. "I cannot imagine the fear you feel, my love, but we are all here for a reason. We are all held within this small space with one another, and even if it is terrifying, we cannot shun our comrades." She tipped her head slightly to nuzzle into his hair. "They are willing to help, even if you do not believe they can or will. No one aboard this vessel is so cruel. And if this beast returns we will find a way to stop him, and we will find a way to save you."

There were gods on the voidtrecker express. Lioriley was confident enough someone could do something if the need arose.

"I will not let any harm come to you, darling. I promise."

Part of him vaguely realizes they’ve reversed their roles from that evening after Osiga, when he had held Lioriley in his arms and stroked her head, just as she is doing to him now. Was this how she’d felt? That same maelstrom of fear and grief, for which this person is the only anchor?

“You shouldn’t…” Rezo swallows, his hands tightening around the fabric he clutches. Her words are kind, reassuring, sympathetic, and, he suspects, very heavy.

“How can you make a promise like that?” He’s not sure if he’s asking because he doubts her ability to protect him from this particular threat, or because he doesn’t know why she would. He’s just revealed a long history of failures and wrongdoings to her. It’s one thing to agree to protect everyone onboard, it’s another to promise to protect him, specifically.

Lioriley would have preferred the man she had fallen in love with had not committed such atrocities. But he had done so long before she knew him, and he seemed to regret many of the choices he made in his desperation. And that's what it was, wasn't it? The actions of a desperate man, driven only by the desire to see again. So many had done far worse for so little, and she could not blame him so long as he felt at least a little guilt for his actions. He was not a monster.

"Because I care for you, Rezo." She replied, her voice still low to try and conceal the obvious trembling of lips. "Because I want to help you make this change for yourself. And because you should know as well as I ⁠— that I will do anything for those that I care for." he had witnessed first hand what she did for those she had known for all of thirty seconds; all the risks she would take. Now he only had to imagine that times a thousand, to know what she would do for someone she loved as dearly as she loved him.

"I would suggest you do not doubt me, my love. Nor think to tell me to stop. I will make sure you are safe, no matter the cost." she kissed the top of his head. "All you need do is trust me."

Because I care for you.

“Lior…”

As if that weren’t enough, he feels her press a kiss to the top of his head only a few moments later. He’s… confused. Overwhelmed. He wants to squeeze her tighter and press her down into the couch, pinning her beneath him until his limbs are no longer so heavy.

He shudders, taking several shaky breaths.

“I can’t… hold you to that,” Rezo says, picking over his words carefully. “But I am grateful, more than you could know. And it isn’t that I don’t trust you, I… I think I trust you more than anyone in any world. But it is a likely onerous task you are offering to take on.”

After a breath, he quietly adds, “It would be more than anyone from my own world could accomplish. And not for a lack of strength.”

Event: In Pursuit of Knowledge

cw: rezo's internalized ableism being esp. blatant

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