middleofsomewhere | Memory Cave

"I think so..."

He looked around, "It feels the same." He can't explain that. It just... did. "It feels... We have something to do here. Before we can leave.

He doesn't know much about her powers, but he understands that this wasn't normal. He reaches out carefully to touch her arm.

"I... Sorry I think I saw some of your life, before."

She had been reaching into a pocket for a shell, but that startled her. The touch... and the words. The corridor collapsed with the loss of her focus.

"What?" she asked confused.

"Sorry..." He didn't move his hand, but he did sound apologetic. For many things, distracting her, being here, having seen her past.

"I... You were in a school I think. Hiding from some bullies, a man gave you a cup of tea. Then... You were on a rooftop, with ice cream. Lea was there."

She just stared for a few minutes, trying to think. "You're seeing my memories...?" she asked slowly. Like she had seen Sora's? Or... like those two odd moments earlier?

"I think... I saw something too, like when I used to see Sora's memories sometimes," she said softly. She looked at her gloves. Was she... broken again? Her hands closed into fists. She had seen Naminé when she first arrived, but not since.

"Do... do I need to be taken apart again?" she asked in a whisper. She didn't want to go. She didn't. But... when had that ever mattered.

Axel was going to be upset.

"Can I at least say goodbye first, this time? Properly?" she whispered.

"No." He shook his head. He doesn't even fully understand what she means by that, do I need to be taken apart again but he remembers enough. Lea had forgotten her. She had been forgotten. To save Sora. The same Sora she had seen memories for.

But what he does understand is he won't let anyone hurt her. "No one is going to hurt you." There's a determination there that seems at odds with the quiet voice and gentle hand.

"It's not just us... There were others, seeing things yesterday I mean..."

She misunderstood at first, and her shoulders fell inward. No... she couldn't even say good bye?

But then he kept speaking, and the more he said, the more confused she became. "But... it was only Roxas and I who ever saw Sora's memories..." she whispered. "Because we were made of Sora. And we had to go back... so that he could wake up."

But... he was seeing hers? She... wasn't like Sora had been though, right? She wished Riku was here. Riku would know....

"But he's awake now... Right?" He peers down at her, trying to look at her face, his hand still gentle on her arm. "Lea said... in the memory. Sora had been awake for months... It was alright for you to be remembered. I don't..." He shook his head. "Sorry I don't really understand, but I don't think this," He looked around the cave.

"I don't think this cave is because of you. It's something else."

But he can understand her fear, to have been forgotten... Erased. He can't even imagine... "Lea was really happy to remember you..."

And that he can understand. He had been privy to Xion's emotions in that moment, but he doesn't need to experience what Lea felt to recognise the emotions he could see on his face, to know the ache that came with knowing there was something very important missing, and yet not knowing what. The completeness of those memories returning...

"In... in Axel and Roxas' time... yes," she said softly, swallowing hard. "And at some point to make their pasts happen... I will have to go back. Inside Sora." And that day terrified her. But as she had told Noa once, at the school, she didn't think fear was an emotion because even animals could be scared.

She squeezed her hands together so tightly they looked like they might break. "If this isn't my fault... then what happened?" she asked in a whisper.

That... was confusing. They came from a time that she didn't? She was responsible for their past? But that such a painful time awaited her, his hand stroked her arm gently.

"I don't know. I don't understand. But I'm sorry I saw... I'm sorry this is hurting you."

She shook her head, and looked at him in confusion. "Why?"

"Why?" He blinked, "Um..." He looked at her, feeling lost, confused. "I know... Seeing memories is something you have experienced before. But it's... I guess it feels like I invaded your privacy. Though I didn't mean to..."

He knows a lot about her now, more than he thinks she would have told her of her own accord.

"Privacy?"

"Yes..." He nodded, "I mean. I saw parts of your life, without you letting me. It feels a bit like I was too nosy."

He studies her, a gentle expression. "I guess I am not used to seeing such things."

She touched her nose, confused. To be fair these terms were hardly in the "this is" picture books Axel sat her down with.

But then she looked at him. "Am I?" Axel said she was, but he only ever seemed to be wrong when it came to his friends. So there was always a hesitation to believe, even when she wanted to.

"Sorry..." He looked down. "I guess I thought..." She had said. But he shouldn't have assumed. It was probably not something that anyone got used to.

"I didn't mean..."

She just stood there so confused. She didn't know she was supposed to offer comfort, and even if she had... she didn't have many examples, and few yet were the ones she would have identified as offering comfort. She simply... had no idea what she was supposed to do or say. So... she said nothing. And did nothing...

He stands there also, staring at her in concern, feeling guilt claw up in him. What had he said? Everything probably. He doesn't know...

He's insulted her, upset her and he needs to make it better but he doesn't know how...

Maybe he should leave her alone, but they are trapped in a cave and anyways, there is nothing within him that could walk away from her when she is clearly confused and upset.

The feeling of the memory is fading a bit, it is clear it happened to her and not himself. But he still remembers. The wariness, the utter confusion at... everything. Her thoughts, her feelings, they were young...

"Let's... Sorry let's start again." He looked around the cave. "If... Please ask any questions you have, I can't... I don't know all the answers but we can try and work things out."

Ask any questions she had? Okay... "What do you do when your friend trusts someone who used to be horrible to you, because he changed, but hates someone who used to be nice to you when almost no one else is?"

She's been saving that question for a while since she's never been able to ask Sora....

"Um." He was not sure what he was expecting but that... Wasn't it. But he had said he would answer her questions and if that is her question...

He is silent for a moment, he doesn't have the context for her question. But a friend who trusted someone who used to be horrible to you, who had changed and hated someone who was nice when no one else had been...

"I guess..." It's hard, he doesn't have many friends. But he knows people... "I believe people can really change... But that doesn't change the fact you feel hurt by that person, the one who was horrible to you and I guess... You can accept that they changed and that your friend trusts them, but you don't need to..."

Right? He's a kirin, forgiveness is the first instinct of his kind. But he has lived his whole life around humans, he knows cruelty and he knows how it is to be hurt, to have to be around those who hurt him.

"And I guess... Sorry I don't know why your friend would hate a person who is nice to you. Are they? Sorry are they nice to you but hurt your friend? Or... Used to be... Did they change too? For the worse?"

Because people did change, or the way they treated someone did. But it was hard to feel anger at someone, even if they hurt you. If they had once been a friend.

She was quiet for a while, considering all of that intensely. Axel wanted her to trust Saïx's Somebody, Isa, didn't he? She... she was conflicted. He had lots of chances to hurt her at the school and didn't, and could even see her face, which he never could before. But would she ever stop feeling that first moment of fear when he walked into a room? Could she ever be fully sure he wouldn't try and destroy or use her again? And what if he lost his heart again? Would things just go back to the way they had been? What would Axel do then? What would he want her to do?

As for the other...

"Axel says that they were part of the plan to use us all, and Axel is right about most things but... he was one of the few who could see my face. He used to call me Poppet, and Roxas Kiddo and he didn't sound mean or sneering when he said it, like Laraxene and the others could sound when talking to us." And sure he had fought her once, but so had Axel. So had Roxas, though in that case things had been... not at all typical. At all. She didn't think Roxas would ever attack her again. He hadn't wanted to fight her in the first place. And Axel said he understood things better now, and that he probably wouldn't again. Would she fight Xigbar again if he showed up? What was he like with a heart? "I just don't know... and I don't want to hurt Axel by asking him even though he told me to trust him to be strong enough not to be hurt..." He had said it, Saïx's somebody had said it, Roxas had said it. But was it really so bad... Not to want to hurt her friend?

The weeks she had spent in bed after that whole mess had helped her understand or at least come to partial terms with a lot, but it hadn't just magically solved everything. And doubts were like those small heartless that there always seemed to be more of. No matter how many times she destroyed them, they kept coming back....

"Ah." He looked down, "So he was someone you trusted and liked... Then he betrayed you? Or rather..." He was quiet for a moment, "He was always planning to hurt you. But you didn't know."

He was silent for another long time, trying to place her words, with the words from her memories, into some sort of way that made it make sense. It didn't really. But she was from a very different place and he got the feeling that... She didn't really understand things herself. Those memories... They felt similar to some of his own, on earth, keeping himself apart. Not ever fitting in and therefore not really knowing... Much.

"If he hurt you... Then it is up to you if you forgive him. That's a choice you can make..."

"Trust?" She was still not sure she understood trust as a concept. She also wasn't sure if they were talking now about Saïx or Xigbar. "Forgive....?"

"Yes. You... You thought they were your friend. They were nice to you. Then they hurt you."

He's trying to keep his words simple, not wanting to confuse her more.

"Forgive is... If someone hurts you or someone you love you might want to... be angry. But you can... accept that it happened and wish no harm on that person. That is to forgive."

She gave a small shrug. "I am used to being hurt."

"I know..." His voice was soft. "But you shouldn't be."

No one should be hurt, it makes him sad that she had been hurt like this. He smiled, "Is your chest feeling better?"

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